The usual gym gang was injured / had other plans today, so called some of the nyp alumni together at bishan gym. Jem, Win and Hui.

Reminds me of the time we used to hang out in the weights room in school. Really miss school. Where after gym we could just walk across to the swimming pool to chill, or walk to the nearby canteen for that beautiful chicken rice and soup that changes every day, or walk a little further down to macs and gecko and get new england chicken platter.

I miss trying to keep my arm up to hold the charcoal during drawing classes, which felt like the whole world was weighing down on it due to the previous day's insane training program.

I miss how Cheryl would laugh at the most mundane things, and turn it into a hilarious spectacle.

I miss how the class would sneak out to watch movies in-between breaks. And the whole theater would be empty due to the weird hour.

I miss playing basketball in-between classes, when the court was just downstairs and across the road.

I miss how Dre's smile would always warm up my day. And how she would always worry about me finishing my work.

I miss alt+tabbing away from surfing the internet and pretending to listen to the lecturer.

I miss making an excuse to go to the toilet just to run down to food junction and sprint-eat a plate of chicken rice.

I miss going to block E to draw the key for the piano room to play the grand piano.

I miss rehearsals in the theatre and auditorium. And the thrill of performing infront of a 3000 strong crowd. The satisfaction after we put up a great show, yet the sadness that it was all over.

I miss walking to school from the mrt station, and having to return the greetings of 5-9 people on average everytime.

I never doubted it before, but I think that those were the best days of my life.

Its human nature to never appreciate things until you've lost it. Or to compare and think that something else is/was better. Will I ever look back with the same feeling of my NS days? I don't know.

The end of one cycle may be coming, years of preperation for that last resort may have to be put to use.

Always been a bad habit of mine to keep shuffling the cards until I get the hand that I want.

Movement on the letter has progressed. Have to modify the training program. So much work to be done. I promised myself that I would fight for each of the guys to form a better team, better make good with those words now.


Went out with her in town just now. Watched my super ex-girlfriend. Damn funny show.

We almost walked through that place. The place that made me begin to realize that things were getting out of hand.

I still remember the slight sensation of her reaching out to grab my hand, the rush of air around me as I spun around and tightened my grip on her hand, then stopping myself from hitting that critical spot as I recognized her face and scream.

I suppose I would have thought that such a reaction would have been cool, but if I had landed that kick on her like I did that poor guy during practice, she would be in for much more than a black out.

Its possible that such a thing would not be possible now. The sharpness I once had is no more due to lack of practice. But some things can't be forgotten, like riding a bike, or balancing in a k1.

Sometimes I wonder what things would have been like if I had continued tkd in poly. I'd probably whoop those nua black belts into shape. Go for tourneys, and the free-style fights.

Somehow, I remember hating each and every fight. Because I'd hate who I'd have to become. I could not be my normal self for the fight, because I would surely lose, and I'd hate having to become him, because he scared me. I remember losing a match because I refused to let him take over.

Compassion, empathy, respect for human life, are all things that must be forgotten after the bow. Because if you hold these things in your heart, you will not be able win. When you scream, your only guidance from taking things too far is discipline, and honor. Some fighters have even lost that. Afterall, its not a natural thing for a person to want to hurt the other just because he is wearing blue and you red. And once this wall comes down, its difficult to build back up. Worse is, that wall was the foundation for other important walls which would keep a person "normal".

Every time I looked at the world through his eyes, I felt powerful. Because he is not bound down by the usual limitations of the human psyche. Yet somehow, I must admit that the two of us are similar, due to the fact that the two of us were brought together due to our overly-competitive nature. It is this reason that there are times that I accidentally let him take over. But once he does, reclaiming control from him is not an easy task. Because he demands to be satiated, and he is not an easy foe to defeat, even for myself.

Every time I lose, I can hear him laugh.