One last super move to go....

Kami Saku.

Blargh

Damnit it. Just saw them on tv.

Felt like I had just saw my comrades fall on the battlefield. Helpless and angry.

Wondered what it would have been like if I had gone to fight with them. For the first time, I was scared.




The strategy might not have been tested enough. World Champs doesn't seem to be within our reach, Andy.

But I'm not giving up yet. We can't.

Things are FINALLY starting to settle down. Although much change is to come - AGAIN, around camp, which could compromise my stayout and safsa, I'll just try to enjoy while I can doh.

Miss the Recon unit. Miss the guys, and doing stupid things with each other. Its so stupid... I can't believe I still miss them after so long. Every time I book out at camp, and see the armor recon units on their bikes and jeeps, and see them around camp in the black recon t shirts, I wonder what life would be like if I stayed in the unit. Maybe its just a bond thats created when you're dumped into a hell to suffer with other people. You emphatize with each other, and help each other out, without expecting anything in return. That's brotherhood.

Hear about more of the recon guys getting injured and falling or going to fall out of the unit. Haiz... its really damn hazordous shit.


Still need to plan, and steer my ship towards my goal. Hopefully by next year it will manifest at last. I'm moving toward that general direction.

The safsa team suprises me time and time again. Couldn't imagine so many of them could do more than 25 pullups.

Anyway, I've been running about 7km everyday since thursday and my legs are feeling new levels and dimensions of 'suan'ness haha. Gotta trust that the conditioning up till now has been sufficient and persevere on with my training.

1.2km - 4:27 mins

Suprising. Haha.

Its official, I'm a fatty.

Thanks to the stupid machine in the national stadium gym.



How could this happen? I turned from underweight to overweight in a mere 4 years.

Knew I shouldn't eat prata every morning for the past few weeks. Damn you indians! Why make such nice food if its so damn fattening?! I hate all of you!

And I'm so pissed because I've been watching every other aspect of my diet except breakfast. Argh.

No more, teh weak link is gone.

16 - 10 in 1 month.

Ahh the perks of doing creative work.

Everytime when I close my eyes to sleep, I see dc, and try to think of ways to do new moves that will be practical, effective, feel solid and look awesome.

Best bedtime story.

I'm obsessed with my work.

Play That Melody.

So wanghua downloaded the ff7 advent children soundtrack and burnt it for me, so sweeeeeeeeeet.

And oh my god. Nobuo sama is a genious.

Really.

Wow.

Take a musician who is so heavily influenced and into rock music but composes instrumental pieces.

Add a band that hears of him when he's famous and collaborates with him on some pieces.

Bridge the boundry between his genre specialties.

And you get Nobuo Uematsu.

Like wtf?!



He blends techy beats with rock.

Or even italian beats with rock.

But what blew me away was the arrangement of one winged angel - ORCHESTATED WITH ROCK.

And best part is, he keeps these two sections as sort of seperate entities. Letting them wash into each other every now and then in a duet of unorthodox beats and harmonies, and then he pulls them apart and stars them in their own solo sections.

Unbelieveable.


Sava is this weekend.

The team is still too new. I don't think we're ready for this race yet, but I'm curious as to how we will fare.

Talked to several officers regarding the shifting around and new posting.

In the end, I have to believe that we will all help each other out.


Big plans for next year.

Lookie what I found.

Reuben was a Spellbinding Gladiator in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

Reu was a Talented Musician in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

Reuben Kee was a Feared Body Builder in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

Well... if I was anything like my past life... I'd be pretty frickin happy eh?

Shimona was a Stubborn Artist in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

Faith was a Strange Actor in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

Holy crap...

Andy was an Annoying Queen in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

Dennis was a Valued Body Builder in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

Jun Wen was an Athletic Bum in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

Nani? o_O

I don't care what anyone else says....

Final fantasy 7: Advent Children is the most awesome movie I've seen in my life.

Maybe besides starwars which I watched over and over as a kid.

But seriously... omg wtf. Cloud is so cool... and Tifa is so chio... and Barret is so scary... and Vincent is so dao... and Yuffie is so adorable... and Cid is so wacky... and Nanaki furry... and Aeris is so no dead. Haha.

And there's this cute puppy that hangs around the main gate at camp. Omg I just had to go and di siao it before I left for training this afternoon. Ahhhh I must look for it tomorrow.

Thus endeth the week of centralized training.

Dissapointed by the news, but I'm determined to make sure nothing like that happens again. The knee is much better now, I can finally get serious about working on my weak points again.

Anyway, I ache everywhere. Rowing everyday with nteam plus safsa training is no joke haha I wonder how much I rowed this week...

Sat: 10+12+
Sun: break
Mon: 12+
Tues: 12 + 10+
Wed: 10
Thurs: 12+10+
Fri: 12+

Total: 100+km.... roughly.

If I focused it in one direction I would probably be somewhere far away be now? hahaha.

I'm just so relieved to have more free time to myself at last.

Jcats exercise yesterday. Was very interesting.

Helped the commanders with the application. One of them.. Mortar OC was having alot of fun from the exercise. Kept talking to himself and making funny comments like "behold the wrath of the heavens" and "lets rock!" Haha. Then some enemy scout apparantly took out his entire company and another by just lying in a pile of bodies and avoided being spotted as he slowly took his time sniping them down one by one. Talk about cheap.

Then after we magically resurrected his artillary his area of fire accidentally nailed some allies troops then we heard from across the room "walau... You're better off dead la!" Haha.

But the real eye-opener was the after action review. When the Colonel talked about fighting spirit and morale of the commanders and men, I was so drawn into it. Whenever you go into battle you must go in with the expectation to win, or don't go in at all. Once you let yourself get into the mindset that you've lost, then you're in dangerous territory.

Morale must be efforted to be kept high, because as a leader, your men will reflect your own morale. And if they are low they will give so much less for the battle.

I couldn't help but realize how much his words reflected my views on dragonboating. And I realized then oc was right when he said I would be missing out on so much to learn.

But it seems I may be able to learn some in the end.

Went camp for awhile today. Visit by some thai general. They didn't eat the food so we had a nice feast after they left. After which I booked out for safsa training but droped by lot 1's top floor korean food stall for their DAMN NICE korean chicken bbq set. But it was kinda oily... doh.

Training with the team. They suprise me. Maybe Melvin's doing something right, seeing how they cope with the trainings, there may be some hope for this regetta after all.

Being front pacer is kinda irritating sometimes when I wanna enter the damned water but the up-splash from the front of the boat collides with my paddle.

Anyway, rushed home for 2 hours of peace before I need to rush down again in 5 minutes time to kallang for nteam training, which will finish at 10pm, then by the time I'm home I gotta eat, washup and sleep asap, probaly at 11 plus, to grab 5-6 hours of sleep and wake up at 5am tomorrow to head to camp. Blargh.

Just one week, Reu. One week rowing so often I can close my eyes and hard 10, of not enough sleep, or falling asleep on the bus, the train, the office, of pulling myself away from that drifting off state so I won't miss my stop.

Sad, told Andy the reason why I missed training last week and his reply was "who doesn't have enough sleep?". Does everyone else in the team have to wake up at 5am everyday too? I don't think so lei. Haiz... miscommunication I think. "What if you're selected to go for sea games?"

I don't know anymore. Its too hard. they're too good. I may not be able to get into the top 7 right rowers in the team to fly away. But I can't let that stop me from giving it my all.

I didn't join the nteam just for bloody sea games, afterall.

Music is my only solace right now when I'm home. Breath of fire 4 soundtrack is awesome.

I don't follow my own advice.

And now I'm being stretched and torn around.

Need to find my balance asap.

The scouts went home to play dota for their nights out, so met them online today.

Really miss them. Talking about crazy happenings in camp, complaining together about our sad fate in recon. Basic survival skills sounds so fun. Although I don't think I'd be very happy about ripping the head of a poor cute bird then skinning it... or swining a chicken around by its neck, or holding a komodo dragon by its tail and... well you get the picture. But, you gotta eat, eh?

I miss sitting on my pathetic thin mattress'd bed, trying to forget about the heat and stickiness while reading my book and zoning out to my mp3 player. I miss my rusty dusty locker, where I stuffed all my worn and new uniforms and pt kits. I miss doing stupid jobs like bangla work and pt together with the platoon, and I miss Lt Enriquez. He was probably the nicest PC I've had.

Its so stupid, but back in those days I was thinking of getting out of there to my better life with safsa, and maybe doing games design. Who would've thought I'd be doing both now.

Life is weird. Treasure every moment.

This past 2 weeks have presented a series of good and bad news.

Haiz...

Nteam: Almost passed ergo.. failed by one second, but generally improving, thank god. Announcement of the small boat going for sea games only. Chances for me going are hence slim, due to poor attendance due to stupid ns and my lame ass running.

So i've worked a running program out to get my damned running back on track. 2.4km under 9min10secs will be possible soon I hope.

Safsa: The letter FINALLY came. BUT, oc wont let me go. Haiz.... I wish I wasn't so damned hao lian and had to tell them I had experience in operation flashpoint. Now cpt chua wont let me go full time due to my "duties" with the projects and stuff, and part time is looking grim too. Gotta bug melvin to do something. Haiz......


Kenah food poisoning or something two days ago. Walau eh... ran to the toilet like 8 times in the office? Then the taxi ride back was the ultimate mental test... almost puke + lao sai in the cab hahaha Finally ran to the toilet at home and almost blacked out while releasing hahahaha yuuuuck.

I was constructive today, hoorah. Did a new song. But my web server is down so I can't post it here right now. I can't believe the 40gb bandidth limit is used up again. Wth do ppl download nowadays?

These two days on mc have rendered my dota skills to godly status hahaha. Very difficult to find worthy opponents nowadays.

Thats all for today.

Tomorrow is THE day.

We all thought that it would be 'the' day, but it turns out its going to be "THE" day.

So soon. Maybe I expected it all along.

So many are already expressing their realistic yet negative thoughts.

I'm just afraid that cutting the team to half on paper will cut the team in half, period.

Need to fly damn fast tomorrow.

Its the final selection.

Company cohesion day was fun. Cycling, Canoeing, playing frisbee, and dodgeball.

Haha on the third round of dodgeball I was untouchable btw, hoohah!

I sprained some weird small muscle tendon or something on the left side of my back... it hurts like a pinch when I try to twist to my left or shoulder press >_<


Got a distress call from Dennis. Erm... bugger had some misinformation or something. As much as I tried to resist being the hero to clear things up, and reminded myself that if let my ego take over and be the hero to help the them, they will grow weaker while I grow stronger. Dependance on me is the last thing I need from them. They need to learn and grow on their own, learn how to handle these kind of things.

But... partly because the miscom wasn't their fault entirely, and partly because my credibility was on the line, afterall, I was the one who taught him, and assured bugger that all would go well once I left... so I went and did it. They still need to clear things up on their end tomorrow anyway.

Then there's the suprising appearance of some people at nteam training haha.

And some distress on decisions.

I had the choice back then to work on the alumni team. But I didn't.

Partly because an opens mens boat requires 20 guys... ridiculous... half of the alumni would have beer bellies by the time we had those numbers.

And seeing the realistic number of hours of training we were going to be up against...

And ns killing alot of my time, completely from the team probably.

Even if we had the best rowers from recent years come back... Hong, Boonsan, weiwen, chester, roy, jingwei, james, ah san, winston, jon, and me, we would have one of the best baby boats, but there are no races for mens baby boats.

It seemed like the ultimate losing battle.

One battle that I didn't want to take.

I just wanted to row, with a strong team.

And more and more, all around me, were signs telling me that I was out of nyp, that I wasnt a student anymore, that its time to move on.

Like-minded people need to come together instead of fight their own battles.





But maybe thats what everyone thinks, thats why theres not enough alumni.

If your chances are better, go for it.

Things were more fun when we were the underdogs anyway.

Overtrained.

Lats cannot make it already haha. I think if I tried, I couldn't do more than 30 pullups.

I failed the damned ergo timing lah... 5 seconds short. Need to go and do again. Tomorrow hopefully, hopefully sir will let me leave early from cohesion day and skip the bbq to go and do the damned test. Haiz...

And then there's BI-ATHLON TEST on sunday.... run until wanna die... then need to row until wanna die. And today's try outs went like hell. Last for every set. That is like... imposibble lah... I know I'm not too awesome, but I sure as hell can't be so behind for every set. Something wrong with the damned boat, or with Rue's coxing. He sits on the right of the boat when I row right? That's kinda screwed up... you should sit at the other side to counter balance.

It seems all these tests are standing inbetween me and the seagames, and I'm not sure if I can overcome all of them.


Then there's safsa. I've given up waiting for the damned letter already, its taken so long, and I see so much that the team has to do before its competitionally ready. I can't believe I let it go so easily, now that life is easy again, until mom hit me with something on the way back: "You gave up being an officer so that you can row for safsa, and do your music, and now every night you come back so late from national team training, tired, no time for anything... how can you give up on what you've worked so hard so far for?"

Maybe I'm just fraustrated. I've done everything in my power, everything, I swear, and yet, the damned letter needs to take 2 months plus just to be typed out and signed? And, not to sound stuck up or anything, but other national players from other sports would be sucked out immediately from bmt or from their units ASAP to be absorbed into centralized safsa training. I hear too many stories already. But for dragonboat? This kind of thing happens. It makes you wonder how serious the guys running dragonboat are about the sport, it makes you wonder what the hell is going on.

And yes, I'm pissed off. Because I've sacrificed so much for this, and yet nothing is materializing. I keep telling myself and people that it will happen, but nothing is! And I see the officer cadets around camp, and it pisses me off, when I wonder whether I made the right choice. When back in bmt all my sergeants told me that I would make it into ocs easily. That my platoon mates say that I should be the one going, and I had to work so hard to get them to put me on a bad rating for the peer appraisal, and yet some blur cocks screwed it up and still put me high.

And then I went and told Kevin to take my place for ic, encouraged him to go for ocs, gave up my spot for platoon best. Afterall, the award would be better off helping someone else get into ocs.

And at the pop, it was bittersweet, seeing him there. When I could've been there, marching up to get the award.

When I told OC about my plans, he looked at me, pointed his finger at me, and told me "If I were you, I would go to ocs." His path was all too similar to mine, I know that he felt that it would be the ultimate pursuement. But I told myself that I had better plans. That Keith told me that if I were to pursue a commander's role, my commitment and time with the team would be greatly compromised.

So yeah. The frustration of my life in a nutshell.

And guess what? Dwarf just msged me telling me that my safsa letter is ready to be picked up.


Ohh.... how you mock me. I'm so pissed with you at times. I swear. Is it just because I do not honor your sabbath? I don't care. This changes nothing between us.

ASAC course today.

Met michael, another long lost pegasus company mate haha. We reminisced of Sgt Isa and other peggie stuff.

Of all the ppl I met during bmt, I miss Sgt Isa the most. Tho he was the most sia lan, stuck up and hao lian ppl that I've met in my life, he's also one of the few ppl that I respect alot. And the color I sense in him is so unique.... Dark red, almost black.

Anyway, it was nice doing maths again. Fun fun fun. And the warrant officer was so lively and comical.

My shoulders ache... 320 pushups during training yesterday... Was supposed to do 500 for being ONE minute late on top of the 80 we did for training. Haven't ached like this in a long time haha. Quite song.

Its been so long since I've blogged.

I think I've got about the ideal ns life right now. Stay out everyday, doing what I like, 3d modelling, games design for ns. And soon, dragonboating for ns. The damned safsa letter still not here yet wah piang eh can wait until I'm old lah.

As I was saying... everyone around the office is nice, there's a pool table... so I'm getting better and learning alot from alot of pros around there, then there's lunch time gyming with tzehao. Going to bring my ps2 in soon so we can train some serious mvc2 and sfa3 ownage.

Haiz... then there's alot of stress around nteam now. We'll probably be sending only 15 guys for the sea games out of our... 25+? That means rowing tests, ergo tests, fitness tests, to see who are the top 15.

Can I make it? I don't know.

If its going to end up like on saturday... where everyone's strength is about the same, and the new guys end up getting beached again. Haiz.. I dunno.

It makes sense in a way, if you can't decide between your rowers will you choose the more experienced one who has been with you for so long, or the young gun?

I need to get godly. And fast. Right now I'm on level 14 on zhilin's insane pullup routine. If I get to level 25 like he is I'll rule the pullup world.

Need to run more, and ergo more.

Haiz... individual rowing time trial looks like my best best right now. I need to work on my weaker spots. I want penguin to cox for me. Somehow I trust him and his encouragements seem the most real to me.

Feel like staying in camp. Its like a damned chalet lah hahaha. Got nice gym, can play basketball, pool, tv and ps2 soon. Played basketball with them the other day. Wah piang eh.. I think when I play with them I deprove like toot haha.

Ok... I gotta go be constructive now.

so today's 4 hour training session left alot of us very dulan haha.

I mean... 4 hours of training kinda sucks. It leaves you not only physically tired but mentally tired... almost unable to psyche up for the next set.

Then the buoys in bedok res are so screwed up... and being in the stupid lesser crew boat, and having to pace with each other, and... argh..........

Fell asleep in the afternoon just now. Shit........

So I've come to the conclusion that over the past few days, I've had a sleep dept, which led to some... complications over my perspectives.

Ugh...

On weekdays: Going back and forth camp all the way at the end of singapore + nteam trainings at night, after which I rush home to eat, shower and sleep asap to try and catch at least 6 hours of sleep.

On weekends: Saturday morning, gotta report to camp by 745am, then training in the afternoon till 7pm, eat, reach home at about 9pm, shower, relax for abour 1-2 hours, try and catch at least 6-7 hours of sleep because on sunday morning there's training at 9am at kallang, that means wake up at about 7am.

I'm going mad I'm going mad.

Really need to take some breaks from training, or else this sleep dept is going to drive me bonkers.

I was so screwed up till I've been contemplating whether it was a good idea to downgrade or not. And whether I should upgrade or not. The possibility to get my sergeant rank is still there.

I still remember the time where I almost signed 5 years of my life away to the red berets.

Its stupid to say that that is a shallow goal about ego and 'honor'. Combatants always seem more garang. It would be hypocritical. Because one could say the exact same thing about joining the team for dragonboat.

Perhaps I just need some balance in life. Maybe thats why Clark Kent had a calm day job. He needed the emotional balance for his hectic alter-ego life.

Perhaps only by having contrast, one can see the balance, and the harmony. Being overwhelmed in either side is to be blind.




Ran to Bishan gym to do stupid ergo just now. Damnit why do I suck so bad at it?! Timing was 3:30mins for 1km. Which is a... fail grade by 1 sec. Shit! Getting there, getting there. Then I ran back home.

Working on some music now. Finally got an interesting idea on how to arrange "training to be soldiers". This is going to rock haha.

Losing focus.

So now, I've got everything that I want.

A nice 8-530pm ns vocation designing games in an airconditioned room. Alternate days are spent travelling directly to kallang for training, then rushing home to eat, shower and sleep to wake up early the next morning.

There's even time for me to go to the gym or go for a run during lunchbreak at camp. My only complaint is that camp is so bloody far away... like... 1.5-2 hours travelling time by mrt then bus.

Not sure why, but right when I get everything that I want.. I can't find much joy in it. I look at the ocs cadets around camp, falling in, running around, and wonder if I made the right choice.

Right now I can't even feel excited about going to the sea games. It should be like a big thing, right? But I just can't feel anything.

Has NS made me numb? Or maybe I've been dragonboating for so long that its time for me to take a break.

Went to play basketball, at that court down the street. So many years ago I used to play there everyday. Anytime I'd go down and I'd know people there. Now, all strangers.

Then I had the weirdest compulsion to drop by taekwondo class. Gave Sir a call... his number still hasn't changed... and changed into my gi and headed down.

I look so different in the gi now... its been what, 3-4 years since I last put it on? I remember how excited I was when I first got that black collared gi, with my black belt. And I remember the pride which I felt when I wore it for the first time, with my name enbroidered in golden chinese characters on the belt.

Taekwondo was the first place where my perception of "discipline" was widened.

Where I learnt not to move when I wasn't supposed to, not to look around when I wasn't supposed to.

Where I once felt stupid having to shout stupid nonsensical gibberish, where I later learnt how to give a blood curdling scream.

Where I learnt to beauty and art of movement and choreography, and learnt how to fly, and make objects fly.

Where I discovered how difficult it was to control a class, where I learnt to make them shut up and stand still with a single word.

Where I learnt to shout and scream at them with my mouth, then where I learnt that I could do the same thing more quietly with my eyes.

Where I learnt to think about what my opponent is thinking, where I learnt to read other people.

Where I learnt how powerful if felt to be able to knock a person out, where I learnt the fear and remorse when I actually did.

Where I learnt ultimately, self control, and through that, compassion, and perhaps, a fear of myself.

And through all that, He was there. The first person whom I called "Sir".



Alot has changed, in the class. The poom belts are very "nua". Only the imported black belt showed any form of control over his surroundings. Which is sad.

It was at that class, which I discipled my first 4 junior black belts. Taught them understanding of the class. How to not take things personally, and think of solutions from an outside perspective.

Sad that they weren't there today. Its been so long, afterall. Perhaps they too found other areas in life that they wish to pursue.


It felt good to revise through some of the kata. My movements seem to have gotten swifter and faster somehow. I missed the "WHITZ" sound that the gi makes when you execute a punch or block.

Perhaps this ia time of some soul searching for me, to find my fire again.

All I know is I can't go on pretending that nothing is wrong.

sunburnt ahhhhh

Yseterday's slalom training.... sucked.

I hate slalom!!!! hahahaha. Damnit!!!!

I just wish that David will hurry up and settle the deal so I can buy my own k1 and go and row any time I damn well please.

Sigh... dreams dreams.

The rowing in the afternoon again... I can't remember what the heck we did in the afternoon... maybe I was just too sleepy. I find that I can almost fall asleep in the boat while resting inbetween sets sometimes.

Went to eat dinner with the nteam at marina square after that at carl's junior. I remember eating one of their burgers at las vegas many years back. Its damn expensive lah.... Then the guys reaction to me eating... it wasn't alot, yet it never fails to amuse me how shocked they react when they see my food.


I need to go for a run. Tomorrow night la.

Erm... individual rowing time trial today. We went to get 4 new baby boats in the morning. Actually, one person rowing a baby boat is quite fun. I don't quite understand why we always train 1km sets for individual rowing training, but only do 300 metres for time trial.

Think I came in first for the first set... was very close to titus and edward. Then came in first for the second set. But err.. I sorta played cheat. Rowed the first set on the right side, and the second set on my left side. Ahhh the quirks of being an ambidexterous rower. I wanted to see how well my left side would fare anyway.


Going to school of armor tomorrow. My new posting to a new camp. It looks pretty kewl haha. Wonder what I'll be doing bwahaha so excited! But its so blardy far.... argh.

Final goodbyes today.

It feels like I'll just book in again on monday morning. But in actual fact, I'll be reporting somewhere else.

I'll miss wrestling and fooling around with my brothers. Today, as I said my final farewell to them one by one, I just wish that they will have the strength to carry on with the course.

Wish I could stay with them, but I have to continue to pursue the path that I've chosen from the start. Otherwise, all the sacrifices that I've made so far would have been for nothing.

So its confirmed. I'm leaving the scouts of 2sir on august 1st.

Not sure how I feel. On one hand I'm damn sad to leave these guys, my brothers, and sir michael. On the other hand, I know my knee will get worse if I stay.

Plus, there's still safsa. Waiting for that damned letter... its taking forever argh.

I'l really miss them. That's for sure.

Was on par with boon san durign pull ups today. Think he sensed the pressure also and did more haha. Anyway we ended up doing 100 pullups in between the 120 pushups.

I take great pride in being in the top few percent of the team when it comes to pull ups. Sigh... still got some monsters to try to reach, though. 6 sets of 20 seems so near yet so far.

Then when Andy mentioned canoeing on sunday, you can see all the ex-canoeists eyes light up haha. What happens when you put some acjc, nyjc, hjc, nyp canoeists together? Calvin was already making grand plans with me on how we will majestically capsize in a k2 together haha. I can't wait.

Weights training today after more bangla work at marina south.

Actually it was kinda slack today, lots of time to read "the surgeon". Haha.

Doing weights with Andy can be pretty scary at times. Sometimes it feels as if his arm is twice as big as mine so that he can do those insane amounts of weights. Dunno when I'll be able to catch up.

Its sort of nice, having the pressure of him training me one on one these few days. Exciting to think of what could be if I live up to his expectations. But its not going to be easy.

Anyway... I just realized that there's like 4 more months till the sea games. That means 4 more months of these insane training regimes.

Haha. Oh boy... psyche up, Reu.

Damn pissed.

Dunno what's getting to be. Everything's the way I wanted it to be a couple of weeks back.

Get to book out every night. Although MOST of the nights are spent training like hell in kallang, whereby I get home so late that I gotta prepare for bed immediately.

Training's not that fun anymore. My closest friends are missing. Pat had to leave to solve his business problems, Kelward has foot rot.

And on saturday I had a serious case of over training.

Safsa then nteam training, 6 hours straight. Left me with sore legs and but till today.

I'm just hoping that my body will condition faster and I will get godly enough to adapt to the new training regimes.

Too tired to type anymore for today.

He never ceases to amaze me.

heero (11:25 PM) :
a person is great because of his dream.

Tired.

Today started out shitty haha.

Forgot to bring my vest, so ended up doing bangra work in my smart 4. Then kenah targetted by sergeant major... first he threaten to make me sign extra for not bringing my vest, then he did it again for not sewing my name tag on the new set which I wore today. And... he's given me a nickname... "dragon". Which he so proudly presented to the entire company. -_-;

PC and PS are trying to get me to upgade or cancel my downgrade and stay in scouts.

Its not like I've grown fond of the platoon and all. And I can imagine going through whatever with them. But I have to remember why I took the path that I took.

Back in bmt, I knew that if I wanted to, I would have got the platoon best, made it to ocs, and been the best officer cadet there was. It may sound cocky, but its the amount of shit I've been through that gives me the confidence to say that. Anything that the government can throw at us, I can do it smiling.

But in the end, I chose to follow my original dream. SAFSA, and the gold.

And now, so many steps are being put into place. I can't give up now.

I know that I could be the best scout that this company has ever seen. Its so easy for me to get lost in that idea now.

But I need to stay on track.

I keep telling myself that what sets me apart from the rest is that when I set out to do something, its all the way, and I'll end up on top.

But I need to choose that goal for myself.


Nteam training tonight was insane.

Long D sets, standing sets, static sets, then 100 of andy's squats. wtf.

Legs feel funny now, and I think I'm going to end up walking like a retard tomorrow.

Oh well.

TGIF, eh?

Tired.

Had to give up playing DOTA after booking out to go for training at kallang instead. Was so tempted to... because... its... like... DOTA and invoker is so fricking fun to use. But, gotta remember the sacrifices that must be made. Anyway, I can play dota forever, but seagames is only this year. Or 2007 - if the team can go, then.

Everyone in the platoon plays too much dota. So much so that words like "OWNAGE!" and "GODLIKE!" Have become common slang used frequently in conversations.

Got back at 10:20pm. Can't even play one game cuz need to wake up early to go to marina south early to do bangladesh workers jobs again.

Booking in again soon.


I feel more at peace now. Dunno why ahha.

Brought a whole lot of books, and a scary one.

Read up, and train in camp.

I wonder how busy we will be for ndp preperations.

Siong ah.... Training everyday of the week is taxing. I find myself wanting to fall asleep more and more often.

Went for safsa then nteam training today.

Safsa's got nyp's bad habit of ditching the weaker runners behind during group runs. heck... nteam has that habit too. Anyway, it was nice training with jeremy again. He craps alot ahaha.

Nteam had a long discussion. 2 hours plus. Lots of stuff thrown out in the open. I'm sad that Pat has to go, I'll really miss him. Especially since he was one of the few guys whom I got close to when I first got into the team. But I know that with his effort concentrated on those problems, he of all people can fix them.

Sigh... perhaps its time I grow up out of the fun and thrill of training. Sacrifices have to be made if we want to achieve something great. Alot of pressure now... sea games looks so near yet so far.

I'll just live one day at a time.

Walking like an idiot now.

Andy's squats are really... challenging... both during the exercise and days after.

First sea rowing with safsa today. And how memorable... I broke a pedal.

Was rowing happily, then tried some hard strokes... then I heard a sickening "crunch" followed very quickly by a "snap"... and thought "Oh my god... did my arm just break?!"

Then I saw that I was now rowing with a short wooden stick.

So that makes 4 paddles that I've broken in my lifetime. Highscore anyone?

Jackson was like "bring it home as a souvineer!"

But then I thought... hrm... broken wooden object in my room = mom will either fuss or throw it away. Tho kinda sad to have it thrown away now that he put it like that.

Quite worried about how the team will do for races at the current state that its in. Alot of rowers with no experience... from what I estimate... only 7-15% have rowing background. The rest have to train up in the little time they have... some 6 months, maybe 1 year.

But I have high hopes for them.

Kinda disturbing hearing off the bad relationships between safsa and the national team. Once again I'm caught in some cross fire.

Whatever it is, I don't carry that kind of weight around. They'll understand that soon enough.

Well it's been a very long hard fight,

But things are finally starting to look up.

Specialist visits, mo vists, and now I'm getting transferred to a new platoon. Some weird platoon that I've never heard of in my life... in fact it sounds a little ridiculous haha.

Anyway... that means I'll have time for Safsa. If OC allows.

N team training is so different now... largely due to the fact that things cocked up once again during last weekend's race... and everyone's pressurized to train for the sea games at the year end. I can't wait... it'll be so fun going overseas... in a plane... to row hahaha.

I can't remember the last time I breathed so hard so many times in the boat before. Then after rowing there was...

20 pullups
20 pushups
12 pullups
20 pushups
12 pullups
20 pushups
12 pullups
20 pushups
12 pullups
20 pushups
12 pullups
20 pushups

Haha omgwtf.... 0 rest between pushup and pullups... 2 mins rest between pullup to pushup.

Then.... squats. I hate squats. Oh... found out that if I point my feet outside my knees don't hurt. So... I'll be doing retarded squats from now on.

Went for safsa training this morning....

Weights is fun. Nice guys in the team. Although 5 of the people I know from there happened to all go missing for today's session.

Anyway it was fun in all.





Things to look forward so:

1. Getting the attachment out to safsa secured

2. Find something constructive to do during the massive amounts of free time in camp.

3. Train for sea games.

Rowing this morning. Two baby boats for pacing after a 2.4km run.

Its really damn shiok rowing in a boat of damn awesome rowers.

Saw the nyp mixed boat go up one set.

Coach let out a soft but impressed "Hwah."

"What team is that?" Someone asked.

"NYP. Came an answer from the other boat."

Couldn't help but grin with pride.


And we saw an old familiar face. Alumni ex cap of nyp and safsa, Chestor. We've never talked much. When I entered the team in my first year, he was but a newly graduated alumni coming back to help out the team for a couple of trainings before he would dissapear into national service and we would soon find out he was rowing with safsa.

There was once when he came back to school to have a look at our recruitment drive. He wanted to work out so I opened the weights room and we did some weight training. It was my chance to try to follow this grand senior for his weights session. And did I get the shock of my life. Very heavy. haha.

I was intent on doing the same weightage as him. And he politely aided me when I was struggling. It was then when we slowly begun to converse upon subjects related to training, to ns.

Ironic that my camp will be right behind nyp. Seperated only by a thin fence.

I long for the days when I was still studying in school. Following tianhong around for secret training in school. Dying during his 10 set of 10 pullups routine, the running, the weights, the swimming.

And now it seems I have yet to walk in his shadow again. He was a scout also. Maybe I've still yet to overtake him. Is it even possible?

He gave an interesting insight yesterday.

"Its like dragonboat. At first everyone suffers like hell and says they cannot make it. But in the end when they look back. It was fun. Same for scout la."

I know my heart can only be in one place at a time. As long as I'm on course and cannot row for safsa I need to bring my heart back for scout training. Or I'll never be happy. But once I do get out, what a happy day that will be.

I finally managed to pull myself out and look at things with my usual analytical perspective. Its always more difficult when you're the one in the mess, anyway.

Psyche up.



This will be the last entry till Friday or Saturday.

Been working on something, too, thanks to someone.

http://www.reubenkee.com/music/singles/A%20Piece%20Of%20Heaven.mp3

There's always a piece of heaven out there waiting for you. When you find solace in it, maybe you can see a little bit of heaven in everything.

So long,

Farewell,

Good night.

'Scout Troopers never let you down, yah!'

Went for training today.

How I missed rowing with the nteam. The power in each stroke, the glide, the wind in your face, water everywhere. Haha.

Some slight changes to the starting stroke technique. Was a little boggled about it at first, but Johnson helped me sort it out.

There's 2 new guys in the team. Looks like they're fitting in just fine.

Managed to keep up with them for the run today. omgwtf.... must be the first time. maybe bmt did a little little good lah.

And I just realized that the level of english which I have been logging my entries in has been deproving. NS IS MAKING ME DUMB DAMNIT!

Hence to maintain my standard of english I shall now attempt to construct proper sentences and omit singlish to a certain degree.

I met up with Tianhong after training. Had a long talk.

His hair's grown back to what it used to be during school days. Reminds me of the time we were so young and carefree. It seemed like just yesterday when I was following him around the swimming pool, school track and gym for another session of secret training.

He's still quite a realist. Although he calls himself a pessimist... its true somewhat but I prefer the term realist because he does think of solutions to the problems which he encounters. He's always been ahead of me. Now there are so many aspects in business and finance which he was attempting to divulge to me.

But there must be a way. I remember the time when he used to complain about the team to me. But I went out there are and explored his suggestions, then came back and rebuilt the foundation. I'm quite pleased with the success of the inculcation of values and discipline into the new generation's exco. So in the end, despite the grim outlook a couple of years back; after some hard work its paid off.

And then there's a new problem now. Should I press on in my vocation? Or start planning to affirm a better attachment out to SAFSA? I told him about my grand plans.

"You take sports too seriously." He poked at me.

Maybe. Maybe I need that struggle to make life worth living in a way.

Training tomorrow morning.. its late. End log.

Its raining. The heavens are crying for the many souls today who have gotten their unit posting.

Me included.

Scout Recce Trooper. Infiltration, Recconaisance and Intelligence.

The bad:

I hate marching.

I hate the jungle.

I hate the forest.

I hate bugs.

I hate insects.

I want to kill them all.

POW training... I dun wanna die.


The good:

Its sorta like a real life version of metal gear solid 3.

5 day weak only.

The camp is right behind NANYANG POLYTECHNIC WTF??!?!?!!?

More free time. Direct enhanced bmt batches get like patheticlly little free time loh.

Won't need to wear helmet soon.

Will most likely be going to SAFSA. I hope I get full attachment... but not very likely GODAMNIT!

Get to be mischievious and spy.

Spying is fun.

Running away when you're spotted isn't.

Will get to learn how to drive a vehicle.

The POW training isn't run by commandos anymore and is revised by the intelligence department. Dunno if thats good or bad tho.

At least I'm not going to SISPEC! Hahahahahahahah.



Ok screwed.

I knew this was going to happen. I hate it when my senses are right.

The way that sly sergeant major's eyes lit up when he saw my SOC timing.

At least now I can siao on fully because I don't have to siam anything now.

Muhahaha. Siao on all the way.

Training today,

Last time I'll see the nyp juniors for awhile. Quite scary... every new batch that comes in seems to be better and better. Wonder if they'll supercede the seniors soon.

It was good that Dennis is away. Junwen's starting to sweat about how to run things. Its an inevitable process. And the pressure he felt today will start him thinking harder for the future when it will be a much more critical factor.

Bugger's adapting even more. Suprising.

I remember when we proposed the idea of a camp in school. He was like "What's the point of having a camp in school?". And now he wants to organize one. Hahaha.



The real training starts this saturday. Think I'm going to die. BMT sucks... make me slack so much. Direct enhanced my ass la.

Less than 36 hours till I'll know my posting.

Hoping to go MP, but if go scouts then it may also be fun la.

Either way I've already won half the battle by succesfully siaming OCS. SAFSA here I come.


The NTeam brought back a bronze from penang. Damn proud of them. Training resumes this saturday. I wonder how everyone is. Will get to see my big bros again.


NYP having their new batch come in also. So familiar... to see the rows so heavily packed with people. Sad that inevitably so few will stay. But hopeful for the team that the number that stays will be sufficiently substantial.

Anyway... playing star wars: knights of the old republic now. Learning "Jedi speak".

Like instead of saying:

"don't bullshit me la..."

A Jedi would go:

"I fear that there is little truth to that statement."


Oh brother.

Holiday ending soon. Shit haha.

Got my groove back.

Must be the soup :D

Dead inside.

I'm so good at putting up a happy front.




Can't find the drive to do anything right now.

Much to catch up on.

BMT is over.

Sad tho, I couldn't really feel happy on the day of the passing out parade. Don't know what was bothering me, really. Maybe everything.

I felt myself go back to that dark place. Full of disgust, and hate. Was fighting so hard to pull myself together. Told myself that I was no longer that person. But in the end, I got tired of fighting.

Ended up giving my bunk mates quite a scare.

I'm afraid. That if I do end up in that unit... that in the solitude, I will lose whom I have become, and once again fall into the darkness, alone, looking out at them... those insignificant weaklings.

Infiltration and reconnaisance... I suppose there is much honor in that, afterall, battalion after battalion will be depending on your succesful surveilance.

I'm losing it... not even sure if rowing boat is what I should be doing.

Today, the company went for a field trip.

The things we saw... I'll remember for the rest of my life.

They tell you "national service is essential to defend our nation."

But its not enough... until you actually see what war does to people.

There is no humanity, the enemy is a monster.

Perhaps now I know what PS Nick meant that day.



When you see your mother being raped, your father, brother, being killed; not just shot. Their heads cut off and displayed for all to see. Tortured and killed in the most sadistic and creative ways.

There was a story on the wall, recorded by a nurse.

A mother pleaded desperately to a japanese soldier for medicine for her two sick children. Crying out loud, she begged him. But all he did was swing the butt of his rifle to her jaw. Her open jaw, and knocked her teeth out.

Her children soon died of malaria.

What if that had been my mother? Or my wife, pleading for medicine for my kids?

I prayed, to Him. "Lord, let there never be war."

But if the it should happen...

I don't fight for my country. I would rather fly away to another country.

But I will fight for my family.

And if I should become my past shadow again, then let it be. Because he's the best man for the job.

Even if he's a hateful man, he's ridiculously intelligent, sly, efficient, meticulous and will get the job done, and he still has his morals and ethics.

When you see your mother or wife being raped, your father or son, executed, tortured. Will you sit there and cry? Or will you take up your gun and defend them?

In a Godless world, its difficult to see God sometimes. Pray for your enemies? Pray for your family? What good will that do?

Wtf.

Been selected to go before the selection board for military police.

Lt YX said its quite prestigious. Why is it ns keeps on tempting me with prestige or power. First I decline ocs, now this. But maybe this one is worth considering... Keith said I can still row if I go.

This is starting to get interesting.

Got a nice suprise in my email today.

Some team members in an online music project have completed their parts to a song we've been working on.

I present to you: To far away times

Somewhere/
Beyond the rain and autumn plains, the snow/
That litters the countryside/
I find a piece of you

And somewhere/
Beyond the frozen fields, I clearly see/
The end of our misery/
A part of the place we knew

And slowly down through the fire, burning/
Into this darkness I fall/
Your presence right here beside me, yearning/
Through it all

dokoka
ame to aki matsu no mukou
inaka no yuki ni
anata mitsukeru

dokoka
kotta hara no mukou, atashi
mijimesa musabi
shiteta dokoro ni

And as the shadow dawns upon us/
All I seem to think about is/
Where our hope has faded away/
Into

kage wo miedashitara
kangaeru dake wa
shioreta nozomi
doko ni...

And somewhere/
Beyond the mountains below the horizon sun/
A life that has just begun/
A life we’re meant to know

dokoka
ame to aki matsu no mukou
inaka no yuki ni
anata mitsukeru

Now my holiday camp truly begins hahaha.

I love SOC.

Wish this knee and ankle will hold up... or else.... downgrade for me woohoo.

Rifle drilss are fun.

Yeah and I can't really think of anything to type again.
"
17-05-05
1257HRS

Raining like hell yesterday morning.

Winds so strong and cold.... made me remember the times when I was rowing my K1 in kallang. The rain, super strong winds and chills made you wanna paddle for your life just to keep warm.

I think that's my favourite weather to row in, just because it makes you feel so alive.

We're in the shelter now, bracing for another cat one. SIT test is pretty interesting. Managed to keep a low profile so far. I need to score as low as possible.

More leg problems too. Was carrying a stretcher then saw LKY in trouble with his so I hoisted his over my shoulder during the 4km fast march.

Took in another buddy into our tent... Hubert. He apparantly took the wrong fieldpack and is missing tent pins so he can't set up his own.

I so wanna watch star wars this week end!!! Argh!!!! And my brave fencer musashiden 2 DVD is not working... going to change it on sat of something. Shit... need to pass the wristpod to dennis too.
"



So I watched starwars over the weekend.

Was super cool haha. And I changed my disc... but it still doesnt work wtf.



Going into camp in about 1 hour... going to enjoy my last 2 weeks in bmt.

So tired.

Didn't get enough sleep this weekend, going back to camp in 30 mins time.

They said the worst part of bmt is over already, now that field camp has just finished.

Melvin helped me burn naruto and bleach. Managed to watch the series... damn sad.

Can't really think very much of what to log... I've been keeping a diary ever since bmt started. Maybe one day I'll have the time to type it all out.

Here's an extract.

100505
935HRS

4th day of field camp. Out field makes you appreciate all the things in life that you've taken forgranted.

I want so badly to get into a good rpg on my ps2, lie on my bed with the aircon on, and enjoy....

I always thought I'd stay cool without a problem. But Sunday's incident... seeing him on the ground and mud screaming... then having to stand there as he continued to scream in pain... I just ran out to him, tears in eyes, didn't care about protocol at that time.

Some of them look at me and call me their champion, I know they try to draw strength from me. Sometimes that gives me strength. Sometimes I wonder if I can really keep it up.

The path I have to take is unlike what they have in mind. Forsaking prestige again, to do what I truly want.

Life is too short to do what other people tell you to do. I'll fight for this path.



god have mercy on anyone who tries to deter me.

Shit. So fast.

Have to go in already.

All preperations complete. Everything should go smoothly for these 2 weeks.

Part of me wonders whats the point in booking out.

Still need to book in so soon anyway.

Next week is field camp... won't be able to see mainland for 2 weeks again.

1. SOC is damn fun.

2. I got some slight rashes doh.

3. I'm starting to like my platoon more.

4. Sprained my ankle and left shin pacing with raf during 3060 run.

5. Almost sprained my fingers too training to do fingered pushups.

6. I think my strength dropped alot.


Went to kallang to see teamnyp train today.

I think army is making me dumb... find I'm lacking the usual tactfulness in my comments. Maybe the environment is making me communicate in a much more straight forward manner... not good. But at least I can spot this and correct it.

Abit dissapointed in some aspects... but also proud of the new exco in some aspects. Attendance for the guys is getting bad again... environment lacks discipline. Maybe this is something that everyone has to fall for once in order to correct. Sometimes advise will only help so much, the hand needs to be burnt to register a confirmed analysis of the situation.

Soon I'll have to return to the nteam to continue my journey.

Heh, stop worrying la, they'll be fine.


Went to watch a movie after training.

Triple X.

10.30pm... lights off time...

And I fell asleep in the cinema... shit la...

Tried so hard to keep eyes open.. but cannot.

Good job... SAF.

Taking a big gamble.

To pass up being an officer, or being a spec at sispec. To row for safsa.

Part of me worries that I may be taking the easy way out.

But there's no point trying to be what I don't want to be. I need to go back to my passions.

Called Keith the other day to make arrangements for after bmt.

Then I also had to pass up the try outs for close combat instructor. But if I made the cut... I won't be able to join the nteam.

7 weeks to go.

Geez... It seems so far away.


Army songs are sad.

Especially the song we're supposed to sing during pop.

Everytime we have to sing it, it hurts inside.


Training to be soldiers, to fight for our land
Once in our life, two years of our time
Have you ever wondered, 'why must we serve?'
Because we love our land,
And we want it to be free, to be free

Looking at the runners, people everywhere
Children having fun, while we are holding guns
Have you ever wondered, 'why must we serve?'
Because we love our land,
And we want it to be free, to be free


I hope a way opens.

http://www.reubenkee.com/music/remixes/Lifestream%20Overture%20Complete.mp3

Its finished.






Sayonara.

Finally finished.

Hell yeah.

The past few days and sleepness nights paid off.

Now all that's left is to get a good recording from the player to render into wav.

Omg this may take awhile.



Anyway... last supper with the team today. Glad I took off from the nteam to see them again and finish up this last piece.

Gave that system that I've been thinking off to the exco. Spent alot of time dwelling on that... the last thing that I can give to them. But in the end they are the ones that have to execute it. I see a great future ahead of them.

Everything's secured now to the best of my ability. I can go in with peace of mind.


Funny how my life revolves around my passions.

The team, training, music.

And now all that is going to be snatched away from me.

I'm angry.

But I know that I must be strong. Because to let them make you feel bad would be to let them win.

And there's no one that I can talk to again.

Heh, always trying to be the pillar of support and strength.

If it goes down what will they do.




Well, I uh...

OMG I HAVENT PACKED YET OMGWTFOMGWTF

Argh! I'm going in tomorrow!

And I'm not finished with the stupid ass overture yet! And there's still so much to do today.

diediediediediediediedie....

Stayed up till 4am last night to work on the damned thing...

Last theme now, finale movement.

>_<

4 more days till I get shipped off to tekong.

Dunno what life will be like then.

Part of me is wondering what be if I had actually went and deferred again to join the team for the sea gamez.

But I really can't imagine pushing this back again another half or one year.

My only fear is the... 6 hour sleep or less regime.

Soon I'll be joining a new team again. I'll do my best to support them, just as I had supported my previous teams.

Anyway, what's ns. If 9999999 singaporean guys can go through it, I can go through it with a smile on my face and one hand tied behind my back.

Pretty excited now actually. I wonder if we'll have self defence lessons. I don't know if I'll be able to resist sparring with the instructor... despite Andy's advice 'not to be number one and not to be last'. Wonder if he'll be able to avoid my jumping thrust opening haha.


Still need to finish this overture... my greatest work yet. Its about 14 minutes long now.

Soon this blog will come to an end, and I'll hang up my paddle in exchange for a paddle.

The race over the weekend went... not as aspected.

My team had the best timings from heats and semi finals.

Rowing during the semifinals was awesome.

Its not like last time, when all the pacings previously showed that you sucked, and that the team is going to have to pull damn hard to try and prove our previous records wrong.

This time, all the pacings previously showed that we could pull away damn far. All that we had to do was to do a good set as per training.

The pace and speed during that race was unbelieveable. I'll never forget rowing that 500 metres. First, for our semis. Best time for the whole event, I think, 2:16 mins.

Then came the finals.

As Jiaqi put it, bronze, forever a reminder.

No one, is god in the water. You can't secure your first place.

No matter how much reasoning and thought we can put behind the loss, the pressure from coach to shave off 6 seconds, the pressure from everyone to come in first, the boat that we used being heavier than the others, it all boils down to one thing.

We lost.

When the boat came in third... I looked behind to the rest of the team.

Scared expressions.

"Coach is going to scream at us." I thought.

The sky turned darker, and the boats pulled in for phototaking as coach paced back and forth, he threw his papers on the chair, started mumbling to himself.


Haiz... damn lucky he found that one dollar on the floor, and the ntu girls cheered him up abit.

But the feeling now from the team is that we shall accept defeat. But get up, grow stronger, get better!



There was training on saturday after the race... sprints, upslope running. On sunday, before the race there was a 2.4 run followed by pullups and nature hike. It was damn fun. Never been to macritchie in so long. Missed nyp's race though.

From what I heard... haiz... guys were victim of more kamikaze piloting.

I knew there was some current going against the race course. But the slight flow from the left side.... I can't believe people can cock up their coxing so badly man.

The girls stroke, too short at the entry again. The guys, not enough twisting and dropping. In the end, the underdogs nabbed the medals. In a way I'm glad for SP, I'll always support underdog db teams haha. But ITE really kio sai! hahahah.

Thus are the results. I wonder if things would have been better had I stayed on longer with them, to push and pull things along. But in the end even if I did, it would be more disastrous when I would finally leave. I made a promise to Him to help mould the future leaders of the team. Something more important than leading the team.

Nevertheless, there are some last slight pulls and pushes to be done. One week to accomplish this.

Went to kfc with them after the race. Uhhh.... haven't eaten kfc in so long... haven't junked since... can't remember when.



Tomorrow's my last training with teamS. Andy's promised a 'special session' for me hahaha. 3 rounds triangle.

So this final 1.5 weeks will be used to finalize and fix up many things indeed, before I leave.

And the final chapter in this blog is written.

I guess the more you get dissapointed, the more you learn to deal with it.

4th yesterday.....

Maybe experience is just such a heavy factor, that you can't win against it.

Rowing the k1 for about a year now. Managed to beat a couple of strong rowers, but still not good enough to beat most of them.

I've learned so much in this 1 year... I can't imagine what someone else could have learned in 2 years... or 4 years... or even 7 years time.

It seems like an impossible feat. No matter how hard you pull, and the experience isn't there.... you lose.



Maybe thats why in a way, dragonboating is more fair.

You get a new team every year consisting of old and new rowers. You train the team up as a whole, taking into consideration all of them.

Its not like some secondary school team stays together AND goes to the same exact jc or poly team.

Even the uni teams have new rowers, even though a good number are experienced.





Anyway, next week is the mr500.

Completely different feeling loh. This week I was the underdog... stupid ass newbie... kenah bullied by the experienced canoeists.

Next week I'll be with the more experienced rowers... the other way around la.

Not sure which is more fun. Its more exciting being an underdog, that's for sure.


Anyway, I'll be cheering for teamNYP, even if we end up in the same race.

Reu‮ says:
I'll be rooting for you guys
Reu‮ says:
will be down this wed too
Jo: If this is it, den just let it be.. says:
rootin??
Jo: If this is it, den just let it be.. says:
u will be our competitor leh!!
Jo: If this is it, den just let it be.. says:
hahahaha..
Jo: If this is it, den just let it be.. says:
u coming down for wed's sea trg eh?
Reu‮ says:
yeah
Reu‮ says:
haiya not competitor la
Reu‮ says:
imagine me in the other boat as just there to encourage you all loh
Reu‮ says:
^_^



I wonder if they've gotten stronger.


We shall see.

No training for me today....

Yesterday in the pool Dennis had the great idea to jump into the pool doing a flying elbow onto my chest while I was happily floating on the water.

I'm relieved that it missed my solar plexus by 5 inches.... otherwise I'd probably be in hospital liao....

Weight of dennis (80KG) times acceleration due to gravity (rounded off to 10 because I don't have a fricking calculator around) = force impacted on my chest = 800 Newtons.

Hahaha. It ended up hitting the area right inbetween my chest so now it hurts when I cough, laugh, get up from bed, walk, not even train hahah.

Yah la.... I'm not mad, but I blame wrestling on tv.


So anyway..... this gives me some time to work on the sony handycam project and train my frozen throne DOTA.

Well yesterday's k1 1000m sucked ass haha...

Start burst... acs I and me leading... then hwa chong's boat slowly came up and took the lead at 350 mark.

Chinese high boat on my left slowly catching up with us.... then acsi and hwachong did a burst... thought it was a short burst so I maintained and focused on relaxing and keeping infront of the chinese high boat.

Turned out to be a big mistake... as when I turned my attention back to the two infront they had ended up some 10 metres ahead. -_-;

So yeah... game over... 3rd place, didn't make it to semis. But ummm... I managed to stay ahead of chinese high, rj and nj :p

Today's 500m heats was better....

Started off infront... then acsi came up, on par till about 150 mark, then he started to get a little ahead. So I pulled harder and started gaining.

Then at the 150 mark I saw.... it...

Waves.... coming in from nicole highway.

My first thoughts were "wtf omg shit."

Since I was in lane 1, nearer to the bridge, I got hit by the waves and started rocking and slowed down my pull to compensate for the rocking. While asci happily did his last charge.

Gay wake boarders la.

Bloody gay wake boarders.

Anyway, came in second, I can't believe I was ahead of the ntu boat.... I can't remember who came in 3rd... was it ntu or hwachong.... poor rj boat.

Semis are next sat.

One week to get 8 seconds faster.

Oh yeah despite the terrible ending, timing was 2:22... umm... not a pb but best for a race la.

Next time need to lean back... don't over pull... catch front more if waves come again.

I'm scared.

Tomorrow's the race.

K1, 1000 metres.

Usually I'm calm as shit before the race...

In the dragonboat, I trust my team mates, and I can feel their strength, and that makes me stronger.

But in the K1, I'm all alone.

Perhaps sometimes I train because I'm afraid that I'm not strong enough to beat my opponents.



Last time, I could always fall back on the excuse that I was a newbie.

First a newbie canoeist,

then a newbie k1 rower,

But now, there's no more excuse.

And this is my last race.

I'd like to say I'll do my best.

But I want that best to get me something.


I couldn't even tell Sensei that I'll do my best.




I can't remember when the last time that I felt like this was. Tomorrow, more than ever, I'll need to psyche down.

Don't freak out and accelerate my blade before it hits the water. Stay calm, breathe calm, pull hard, pull slow, pull with wings.


Sensei's last words: "Don't let my baby down."

I'll do her proud tomorrow.

So today was my last water training in jaguar before the race this weekend.

I can't imagine not being able to row anymore....

Since the first time that Sensei put me on a racing T1 and I kept capsizing like free liddat....

Then the races, the desire, dissapointments. I knew that one day ultimately I would want to row in his boat, that light blue boat, which seemed so fast when he used it.

Finally its a reality. My final race, I guess. In that boat, which I so longed to row in. With my own paddle which I had bought with my own money.

That name can never be spoken unless the user is ready to accept the meaning behind it in a race. It was the ultimate attack which the immortal Odin spent eternity to perfect. To me it represents the pursuit for that unachievable "perfect" movement, or stroke.

I soaped down and waxed Jaguar twice today. Scrubbing hard as hell to get rid of any marks or stains... after the waxing she looks so shiney. She's the prettiest blue boat in the whole of kallang. Even though her blue coat may not be as bright as some of the new boats due to her age.

I'll forever be grateful to Sensei, for teaching me how to appreciate this sport, for teaching me things beyond feeling the water, sportsmanship. And for giving me the chance to pursuit this interest.

I wish there was something more that I could give him. I wanted to make him proud the last few races. That bronze wasn't enough. But if nothing else, I'll give him a nice shiney boat to row in when he takes the team down for training next time.

Went with Den for his bb aq training today.

Was damn fun haha.

15 X 5 floors stair climbing, then shuttle runs and mid D run all with ankle weights.

Wasn't sure at first how I'd fair... since they've been doing this for quite some time liao... and as Gai would say... are in the springtime of their youth! hahaha. But good to know I can keep up with and overtake them. I'm not such an old fart afterall.

Seeing those boys... reminds me of the st gab boys somewhat. After the camp we played ball a couple of times, but since then lost contact. I wonder how they're doing.


Tomorrow will be my last sea training with Jaguar before the race. Will polish and wax the bugger. Wonder if I should polish and wax Zantetsu too.... but he may get slippery haha.

Lazy to type.

Dunno about this coming race....

I know I've improved since last year....

Fitness wise, I couldn't do 40 pullups last year....

I couldn't run 5 km in under 23 mins......

My form has improved alot.....

My balance has improved alot....

Only thing is.... I haven't been pacing with people alot.

Gotta just relax and forget about the timing.

Lean back, stretch forward, cross over, pull outside, relax, relax, relax.

So in one month's time I'll be dissapearing into tekong.

Sad to think that life will be vastly different soon, and never the same again. Feels like a part of me is going to die or something.

And in this last month, there's the canoeing race, and mr500.

I remember Kicker's comment when asked 'why do humans want to live so badly and postpone their death, if they eventually die anyway?'

"Because we want to go out with a bang. Like a firework. The beauty of it is how high it trails out and eventually and explodes."

haha. I hope I go out with a big bang.

I remember the first time I heard its melody in my head. It was going back home after picking up the script for "Chakra". Somehow I saw in the character something familiar... maybe about human nature in general.

A past which he was trying to forget. He wanted to become stronger to compensate for that past.

Hope, the opportunity to get what he wanted.

He took it.

He got what he wanted. But in the end, nothing can be erased. No matter how much you want to compensate for it.

That's the emotion behind Wind Cry. The pursuit of strength.

i didnt have enough sleep last night.

fading on and off headache today

lucky can psycho myself to feel normal

l;ankslkasng;kldn

went to eat prata with dad before going kallang this morning

then went to row k1

like sai la

must be an off day

I dont feel like using punctiation today song bo

nor correcting my earlier typo haha


coxing was interesting

so gu niang... the scgs boats omg

rush down home to pick up clothes then to school................................................................


concert went well I guess... tfa was pretty crowded. Very numb about my piece... not sure how ppl felt about it.

so damn tired now....................

Just finished my 7 click run to macritchie... around and back.

Wanted to penetrate into macritchie but so many places were so poorly lit.... pitch black in some places... with some light at the end of a long tunnel of darkness so I didn't go in ! Hahah I'm damn ham chee!

Actually more scared that I'll trip over a brance and sprain my ankle again. Quite cautious during my midnight expedition runs now.

Lucky I didn't penetrate too far into macritchie anyway.... or else need to take bus back... and I didn't bring ezlink card!

I recorded wind cry... which I'm supposed to be playing for tomorrow's concert and repeated it throughout the whole run... so that sort of counts as practicing la....

Tomorrow wake up... go cut hair... go to kallang... row k1... cox... get money... go school do weights... go rehearsal.. play at concert.

Saturday ... nvm.

Parents going overseas tomorrow so I'll have the house all to myself for the next week! Hooray! hahahaah.

I'm screwed!

I've been totally ignoring k1 training this week. And the race is next weekend! Die liao.

I only went down to row yesterday... abit only... shit!

Today was supposed to go and row before rehearsal... but was playing A3!!!!

Tomorrow morning, Reu you better get your ass down and row in the morning before coxing or else you're really going to be screwed for this race.

Yesterday did a time trial....

500m... 2:25
1000m... 5:14

Yeah... my timing = girls timing on national level... pathetic.


Going for a 7km run later... cuz skipped training on tues and thrus to practice for tomorrow's concert.... which I only finalized the arrangement for LAST NIGHT.


This week has totally been disastrous... slack like hell.... There's still tomorrow to make up for it.

No gaming for me tonight.

Yesterday's training lasted 4 hours.

Cap said it counted as two sessions hahaha.

Suprise 2.4km test... Didn't come in last this time. Beat ck, but didn't manage to catch up to Alan. Soon I suppose....

Weights... think I overtrained shoulders over the past few days liao... couldn't do cling and jerk properly... and front delts were damn pain.

The weather was NICE! No hot sun. Nice cooling cloud cover. We did 30 mins nonstop rowing... walau. Think that was about 6km. Then sprints.

Huai Li came all the way down to kallang for the XPhy walkthrough... 830am... but turns out it was cancelled... and neither yixue nor junwen told him. Was quite annoyed when I found out. Geez.

Took a cab down to shaw to meet dennis, junwen, anthony, monk, melvin and pc. Played wc3, then cs, then went to bugis arcade for awhile then back to shaw to watch million dollar baby.

Its a... gross... boring... depressing... show. Geez....



Anyway, Yimei asked me to play for the piano ensem's evening concert this friday. Just decided on the piece... Kaze... which was composed somewhere last year... but was never finished.

Interesting thing about finishing up a piece one year later is that your perspective changes so much... that it gives the piece such contrast its truly enjoyable to play.

Thursday:

Went for training at nyp. No running.... wtf? Think bugger wanted them to go home early. Finished weights early with huai li then went to do situps and pullups. Then after that Louis wanted to do situp and pullups again haha, but huai li didn't make a fuss.

Went to get my water bottle on the table after training, and suddenly recalled that day when I was looking for my water bottle. I usually left it on the shelf, but that day was the last day that thought that I was going to train with them. I had packed all my backup pt attire and everything in my bag.

Glad to be able to come back and train with them every now and then. You never know how much you take something forgranted until you lose it.

I have a new white cap now. Just when I was about going to lose hope on my current white cap which has this godamned brown rust stain which I've tried everything to get rid off. This new cap's nicer. Gray cap's... a little smelly haha I better wash it.


Friday:

Gym with Dennis, then went to cox at kallang. This time cox and instructed some division of the air force. Quite a playful bunch.... even went to splash water on their luitenant kernel... wtf?

They caught on very quickly, also with the help of my senior who turned out to be their platoon commander. I just gave them two pointers on their stroke and they won the first race, and tied the second race... out of 7 boats. Strong bunch. Towards the end when I yelled out the ending encouragements, I could feel the boat surge and power suddenly increase.

Saturday:

Church... aircon died... Diane came.... Her dark eyeliner makes her look abit like chucky's bride *chuckles*.

Went for training after that.

Pullups, then...
Running.

Yeesh. But I got put with quite a slow group! So it was quite enjoyable! We ran all the way to shear's bridge... then oooooooooooooverr........ then along tanjong rhu and back to sdba. Super hot... lucky the weather was awesome and cool.

Rowing after that. Stupid low tide.... boat can't lift up at all. Did standing stroke... coach made us go for 1 minute.... wtf that's frickin long.... last few sets my right leg ended up collapsing and kneeling down on the side slope of the boat while I continued to row hahaha.


Haiz... don't even think about tomorrow's training.

Ugh. Been in kallang from 9am to 9pm today.... coxing in morning, afternoon, then training.

But who's complaining, I made 80 bucks out of 4 hours of coxing ahuahuahua. Actually it was... 1 hour coxing.... 1 hour instructing.

Had Patrick and Bryan to accompany me this time, which was more fun than coxing with strangers la... even though made some new friends last time.

Bryan's crazy... I thought he was so crazy... but he's damn funny.

Had a haircut by patrick. Yay, damn cool haha.

Rowing k1 before training, met algene. Best set, lost by about one boat length only this time. lol. Yeah, but at least it wasn't like I can't see him last time at all loh. So his boat had alot of water, I was dehydrated :p

Haiz.... must try to remember to relax next time and not jack up the stroke rate because I lose my cool. Thankfully the new seating position helps alot and utilizes much more of my back and lats, so arms don't tire out so easily. But.... because of the stupid tilt and hunch I wonder if I'll get back problems in the future.

So I have... 2 weeks to become godly in the k1 and come back with a medal in the march race.

Fight hard.

So the worse is over, I guess.

Went for training this morning.

Weights was ok... except during squats on the way up during the 3rd set there was a pain in my left thigh. Dunno wth happened also.... Dunno how heavy we were doing also... the stupid weights tonnages are so spastic.... 4.25kg... 2.somethingkg.... blindly follow johnson only. Luckily we have new weights now... sponsored by planet fitness haha.

After break we did rowing, speed drills, standing drills... during one standing exercise we hit a wave or something and boat tilted right and Alan and me almost fell out of the boat hahaha.

Then during water break I had the wise idea to cannonball into the water from the boat... and impacted on my recovering ankle which made it hurt like hell.

Haiz... working on this stupid piece now... drained for the day. Hopefully things will pick up tomorrow.

http://www.reubenkee.com/music/remixes/I%20Am%20Ultimecia.mp3

Yah, so alot of people have gotten the sorethroat/fever combo.

And I'm sway enough to be one of them.

This morning the phlegm was brown loh... with weird lumps inside! hahaha so sick! I think if I ever saw someone else spit that out I'll feel like puking instantly.

If singapore ever had a serious virus going around, it would affect maybe just a couple of people.

However if that virus was in infectious stages during chinese new year, perhaps 70% of the chinese in singapore can drop dead liao lah....


Now I dunno if I should wait like an idiot to see if things get worse, or just go for a run today and hope the fever comes immediately and get it over with.

I really can't afford to slack around because of this damned thing..... the race is in mid march, and everyone else is training like siao.

Shit.

And my ankle feels abit funny.

I need to read up on how to become invulnerable of something.

Bwahahaha!

By tomorrow night I should be able to do my mid-night 5km patrol around bishan again!

Ankle recovery is on schedule, lots of stuff on the net about how to take care of a sprained ankle.

Rest for the first 48 hours, Ice for 15-20 minutes every 4 hours for the first 24 hours, Compression.... errr shit I forgot the stuff about compression, and elevate above the heart whenever possible and when you go to bed.

Wanted to run with teamnyp today before rowing but... one of the sources also said that if you work the ankle before it fully recovers... chances your ligament or muscle will cock up the healing process and cause worse injury or increase the chances of injury in future due to weak support.... so... fark that! hahaa

Rowing was fun. Rowed right, rowed left, coxed. Was quite relaxing. Actually now I think that any rowing not involving the standing stroke drills are relaxing :p

Did pullups...

Tried a silly stunt... pullup and at the top, jump slightly left... jumped all the way to the other bar but found out I busted two calluses open later also hahaha.

Oh well.

Watched Racing Stripes today.

Quite a ... geez... no fighting scenes... pretty boring. But the plot was prety decent la.

Worrying again.

Seeing the state that the team is falling into.

A part of me regrets leaving them and joining the Nteam...

But I need to remember that the point was always to teach them to handle this by themselves... it would defeat the purpose if I'm there to fix things all the time and things fall apart once I leave.

At least now I can act as a slight influence.

fark. twisted my ankle.

typing with one hand now cuz otyher hsnd needs to hold ice pack.

was almost finishing my 5km run when i saw this lady runner, and ahead of her a secondary school buy runner.

saw them signalling around to each other and decided to follow their route....

overtook the lady furst, then the boy later, and ran up the spiralling slope flyover towards toa payoh.

hit a dead end, and uturned... then saw the boy runner coming up.

the path damn narrow.... i went to the side to siam him but didn't see a branch on the path.

then shit.

die liao... this better recover by friday. -_-

Went to watch fighter in the wind with teamnyp on monday night. Quite an inspiring show. Some of the moves were very cool, and Baedal's energy is amazing.


Last night went to the river hongbao with the nteam. So frickin crowded ah.... unbelievable... all the way from the esplanade all the way to shears bridge there were people sitting at the side of the river, people walking around, people buying stuff at the river hongbao.

Then the countdown.... in chinese... at first started at the back where the river hongbao mc was, then slowly it spread, and for the last 3 counts everyone was shouting... quite a fun atmosphere.

The fireworks rocked. There were normal ones, ones that trailed downwards, ones that accelerated halfway, ones that changed direction halfway, and I especially liked the screaming ones. Zili liked the spermy ones :p. It lasted for 8 minutes. Quite a good choreography, I can't believe they shot some up so high.... 1km+ into the night sky... was trying to estimate how far they ranged.... every second lag between the visual and audio feed you sense = 340 metres.

Miageta yozorono hoshi tachi no hikari.

Then we walked all the way to chinatown.... -_-;

Frickin crowderer.... and the marketplace was crowdedest...

Left 'early' for home with Boonsan and Kelward.











And today's visitation was hella boring.

Haiz...

At least it pays off hhahahahahha... chaching!

Went to watch fighter in the wind with teamnyp on monday night. Quite an inspiring show. Some of the moves were very cool, and Baedal's energy is amazing.


Last night went to the river hongbao with the nteam. So frickin crowded ah.... unbelievable... all the way from the esplanade all the way to shears bridge there were people sitting at the side of the river, people walking around, people buying stuff at the river hongbao.

Then the countdown.... in chinese... at first started at the back where the river hongbao mc was, then slowly it spread, and for the last 3 counts everyone was shouting... quite a fun atmosphere.

The fireworks rocked. There were normal ones, ones that trailed downwards, ones that accelerated halfway, ones that changed direction halfway, and I especially liked the screaming ones. Zili liked the spermy ones :p. It lasted for 8 minutes. Quite a good choreography, I can't believe they shot some up so high.... 1km+ into the night sky... was trying to estimate how far they ranged.... every second lag between the visual and audio feed you sense = 340 metres.

Miageta yozorono hoshi tachi no hikari.

Then we walked all the way to chinatown.... -_-;

Frickin crowderer.... and the marketplace was crowdedest...

Left 'early' for home with Boonsan and Kelward.











And today's visitation was hella boring.

Haiz...

At least it pays off hhahahahahha... chaching!

Funnist gif I saw this year:

Dead.

Canoeing this morning...

Firstly in the hated red k1 which sinks so far in when I sit in it...

Damn bloody heavy... could only long pull during the 1k sets.


Then sensei let me use jaguar.

Was damn fun then. Tho I think my rowing stamina drop like hell since I haven't been doing long d rowing training since like... a month or two plus....

Did dunno how many sets.... then everyone like was rotating and resting but sensei never let me rest. Pengz.

Then after that.... Nteam had fitness test loh...

Pullups was utter shit la... could only manage 32... situps also quite jialat... 58.

But oh boy... the running was the epitomy of travestic disasters.

26:++

Good job, reu.

Even the first time I ran the bloody 4.8k was at least 2 minutes faster than that timing loh.

Dunno why I let the morning's running affect me so much.

After just 100 meters I felt my legs feel sore already.

Then cap was pacing me....

Then on the way back he asked me to use his SUPER SPRINGY running technique.

I think my springy potential not high enough level.... his one level 99 liao... very shacked.


Walau eh... damn paiseh... when hee announced my timing everyone was like

:o

Arghhhhh!!!!!1

Overtrain liao ah..... jialat ah.................

Didn't join them for reunion dinner at bugis.... even tho part of me wanted to :(

Joined teamNYP instead.

That bugger Boonsan lah... always tok so much cock.... asked me "why go with the weaker link?"



I dunno how he measures strength... but he's wrong in both ways.





My dear Jo's been crying again.

Sometimes it can be so painful.... but she'll emerge so much stronger at the end.

Time for another lame survey to pass the time!

1.Current mood: Sleepy -_-

2.Current music: Soothing sound of my awesome cpu that sounds like the batmobile but much softer.

3.Current taste: Not eating anything...

4.Current hair: Cooling crew cut

5.Current clothes: Berms

6.Current annoyance: Abrasion on my butt

7.Current smell: Mom's food outside.

8.Current thing I ought to be doing: Fixing Dennis' hard disk.

9.Current desktop picture: An arty mix and mesh of blue.

10.Current crush: -_-

11.Current love: My bed.

12.Current hate: Not being superman.

-:-Do I-:-

1.Smoke: If you're smart enough to know what it does to you, you won't be stupid enough to do it. Hell no.

2.Have a dream that keeps coming back: No.

3.Remember your first love: Yeah.

4.Believe in miracles: Yes.

5.Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever: Damn straight its possible.

6.Consider love a mistake: Not unless you make a mistake because of it.

7.Like the taste of alcohol: No.

8.Believe in god: Yes.

9.Hate yourself: Except the bad and work on it. No.

10.Have a best friend: Yeah.

-:- L-O-V-E L-I-F-E -:-

1.First crush: __ haha

2.First kiss: Can't remember!

3.Single or attached: Single... interested har????

4.Do you believe in love at first sight: Interest at first sight yes, love no.

5.Describe your ideal significant other: I'll know when I see her.

6.Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes....

-:-Last thing you-:-

1.Bought: Food food and more food.

2.Ate & Drank: Chicken rice! shit! 5km later!

3.Read: ocremix or vgmix.

4.Watched on tv: tvmobile count? Don't watch tv much....

5. Did: Went to Dennis house to try to fix his computer. In the suspect hard disk kena scratch.

-:-Who do you want to-:-

1.Kill: Anyone who wants to kill.

2.Have by ur side: Where's that dumb dog....

3.Look like: me!

4.Avoid: No one....

-:-Have you ever-:-

1.Dated one of your best friends? Guess you could say that....

2.Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? What the heck? no.

3.Broken the law? Yes.... ahuahuahua.

4.Played Truth Or Dare? Duh.

5.Been in a fight? In the past... but only for training or tournaments, never in anger.

-:- Random Questions -:-

1.what's on your bedside table?: My red boxing gloves... water bottles, remote control for computer.

2.What is your biggest fear?: Dunno.

3.What feature are you most insecure about?: None, except the bad, work on it.

4.Describe your bed: Blue... flowery... stripy.... traingulary.... I hate it when mom buys gu niang bed sheets.

5.What do you carry with you at all times?: Wallet, handphone, extra change of clothes, katana. Rite :p

6.What do you miss most about being little? Being carefree.

7.Are you happy with your given name?: Yeah, although I like Reu better.

8.What color is your bedroom?: Sky blue and blue, I painted it!

9.Do you talk a lot?: Haha. No.

10.Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?: Hell yeah.

11.Do you think you're cute?: I think cute is subjective :p

12.Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?: Yes I'm fricking nice.

13.Do you took this post from?: Friendster.