Had an interesting talk with da ge at ksl just now.
You wouldn't believe he had such an "adventurous" past. Malaysian military for 3 years, then the police force. Of which he slammed repeatedly haha.
He asked if NS here was 'fun' or not. I told him that it wasn't for me, despite my stand that it is an important aspect of the country's defense. When asked why, I told him "Too many rules."
His final words to me were "even when you come out into the working world, it will be the same thing."
And it pissed me off that he was right to a certain extent. But yet, it will not be that bad. Heck, its not even that bad now compared to when I just started out.
Its weird how people can change.
In my final year in high school, I prided myself in being the perfect example for the student population as the head of the prefectorial board.
Meticulous. Perfect. I lived and upheld every rule with pride and got along with every single teacher and principal. I felt sorry for those who could not live up to these standards. The poor slackers who somehow managed to get their shirts un-tucked, or forgot to wear the badge. Even at times when no one would find out, I would still stick by principle. Not once did I assume that I was above the law even if I had the final say.
Up to this day, I'm not sure why I made such a drastic change. Maybe I got bored? Maybe I didn't see a point. Maybe I was finally disillusioned. What did I get out of it?
I played their game perfectly. I played their system perfectly.
There's an intimacy you can only achieve by upholding a system and looking at every line of code and what its for.
Maybe after completing that game, I got bored of it. Just like all the other games I played.
There are gamers who get bored of playing games and look for other games to play, or give up playing games at all.
And there are gamers who get bored of playing games and decide to go and create the ultimate game for themselves. Something that they know that they will enjoy.
This, I suppose is how I decided to take control of my life.
Those who have no real desire or aspiration can continue to live playing someone else's game.
But I will make others play mine.
On retrospect. This looks like something a mass-murderer would say, like from saw 3 or something hahaha. Oh nos I dun wanna become a lunatic.
Ahh but I'm such a gentle person. No way things could sway that way. ^_^;
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Woke up early hungry and couldn't get back to sleep. So whacked instant noodles then the new pullups.
Think something wasn't awake cause stuff started getting dark after the 5th set, then the next thing I know the doorbell is ringing and quite a few hours had passed...
Went down to Jurong to meet J, Chris, Lionel, Brian, Ed, Jimmy, Faith and the rest. Was good seeing them again. Also nice talking to the ex nj and ex acjc canoeists. I think jc swimmer charbohs have the nicest figures. Not too bulky, not too anorexic. Of course, going beyond that into a jocelyn yeo killer whale is overkill.
Hung out and went to watch night at the museum in the evening. They really never change. No matter how many years have passed, the group dynamics and interaction is still the same.
Unfortunately, that means that it didn't advance, either. But that's fine. Sometimes you just want to have fun without thinking about too many things.
A bit difficult at first, because this is the group I hung out with when I was at my
most devious, so to speak. Old habits resurfacing, but managed to restrain.
Came home and had a match with zic. Zic's about the only guy who could think of a feasible strategy against me.
You can tell, who are the real "sportsmen" so to speak. Who have a real passion for something. Where they don't just think of the logical thing to do, or money.
You know when an ord'ing safsa rower goes through this phase of losing interest in training?
I've seen countless rowers go through this phase, ever since school. Only one other person had the reaction that he had.
When you looked in their eyes, you could see the desperation and sadness because they know that they are losing something important that they love, but they cannot understand why nor have any control over it.
This reluctance, is what sets them apart. I can relate to both Zic, and the other ord'ers because I've seen been on both sides before.
But what I respect about them, is the passion. Yes, passion will not bring you money. But there is a way to feed both. Because just working alone is a meaningless life. And it helps to pursue a relatively cheap passion XD. At times, I too think that its stupid to invest so much time in something that cannot contribute to my financial status, but I have to admit, that it is this passion for anything that makes me the person that I am today. Otherwise, I would be a shell of a person.
A wise man once said that man must not only feed his physical form, but his soul or spiritual form as well. If he neglects the nourishment for his physical form, he will lose his wellbeing. If he neglects the nourishment for his spiritual form, he will lose something far greater.
Being able to find this balance is what sets the truly successful apart from those who slave for nothing.
Think something wasn't awake cause stuff started getting dark after the 5th set, then the next thing I know the doorbell is ringing and quite a few hours had passed...
Went down to Jurong to meet J, Chris, Lionel, Brian, Ed, Jimmy, Faith and the rest. Was good seeing them again. Also nice talking to the ex nj and ex acjc canoeists. I think jc swimmer charbohs have the nicest figures. Not too bulky, not too anorexic. Of course, going beyond that into a jocelyn yeo killer whale is overkill.
Hung out and went to watch night at the museum in the evening. They really never change. No matter how many years have passed, the group dynamics and interaction is still the same.
Unfortunately, that means that it didn't advance, either. But that's fine. Sometimes you just want to have fun without thinking about too many things.
A bit difficult at first, because this is the group I hung out with when I was at my
most devious, so to speak. Old habits resurfacing, but managed to restrain.
Came home and had a match with zic. Zic's about the only guy who could think of a feasible strategy against me.
You can tell, who are the real "sportsmen" so to speak. Who have a real passion for something. Where they don't just think of the logical thing to do, or money.
You know when an ord'ing safsa rower goes through this phase of losing interest in training?
I've seen countless rowers go through this phase, ever since school. Only one other person had the reaction that he had.
When you looked in their eyes, you could see the desperation and sadness because they know that they are losing something important that they love, but they cannot understand why nor have any control over it.
This reluctance, is what sets them apart. I can relate to both Zic, and the other ord'ers because I've seen been on both sides before.
But what I respect about them, is the passion. Yes, passion will not bring you money. But there is a way to feed both. Because just working alone is a meaningless life. And it helps to pursue a relatively cheap passion XD. At times, I too think that its stupid to invest so much time in something that cannot contribute to my financial status, but I have to admit, that it is this passion for anything that makes me the person that I am today. Otherwise, I would be a shell of a person.
A wise man once said that man must not only feed his physical form, but his soul or spiritual form as well. If he neglects the nourishment for his physical form, he will lose his wellbeing. If he neglects the nourishment for his spiritual form, he will lose something far greater.
Being able to find this balance is what sets the truly successful apart from those who slave for nothing.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Came across a very interesting case study today.
The subject bore such close similarities to myself in the past, that it felt weird analyzing him. Traits which can only come about in extreme circumstances, or often, in life-and-death situations.
Perhaps the fear of death can be the more extreme fear that one can feel. But what would make a person charge into it, or want to overcome it? Only the stubbornest individual who would let his over-competitive nature drive him.
Yet the only way to deal with a fear that you cannot overcome is to block it out. Some say that shielding yourself from something is a way of overcoming it; but it is the opposite. To conquer a fear is to acknowledge it fully, whereas blocking it out nullifies this important factor.
Up to this day, so many other emotions were cut off along with fear. When you are empty, you can fill yourself with whatever you desire, whatever you choose. You can become whatever you want. I soon found out that I could play the ultimate poker face, I could show whatever emotion I desired. I could change my moods at will in any situation.
But somewhere along the line in the past, I realized that I was going too far. Now I do not let my over-competitive nature get the better of me. This is where the case study and I separate in terms of development.
But his is a sad case. We both never had any friends. Because to us, everyone was someone we needed to win against. Even if that person thought that he was a friend, and we would let him think so, we would be ultimately still make sure that we were always one step ahead.
Perhaps this was why I found it hardest to fight J when we both started out in tkd together, and ultimately, why I made him quit.
But as for this case study, he never realized how deep he was falling away from everyone, and ultimately, away from himself. In the end, having no real allegiance and being driven further and further by his own ambitions, his life ended without him knowing what it was to have a true friend.
There are many times when I find myself returning to that path. But I know that I am only looking down along the pit that I am climbing up from. Awareness is the first step to controlling yourself. He who is unaware, is in the most danger because he has no choice. But as long as you are aware, you have the power to choose what kind of person you want to become.
As long as you have the power to choose, you can become whoever you want.
The subject bore such close similarities to myself in the past, that it felt weird analyzing him. Traits which can only come about in extreme circumstances, or often, in life-and-death situations.
Perhaps the fear of death can be the more extreme fear that one can feel. But what would make a person charge into it, or want to overcome it? Only the stubbornest individual who would let his over-competitive nature drive him.
Yet the only way to deal with a fear that you cannot overcome is to block it out. Some say that shielding yourself from something is a way of overcoming it; but it is the opposite. To conquer a fear is to acknowledge it fully, whereas blocking it out nullifies this important factor.
Up to this day, so many other emotions were cut off along with fear. When you are empty, you can fill yourself with whatever you desire, whatever you choose. You can become whatever you want. I soon found out that I could play the ultimate poker face, I could show whatever emotion I desired. I could change my moods at will in any situation.
But somewhere along the line in the past, I realized that I was going too far. Now I do not let my over-competitive nature get the better of me. This is where the case study and I separate in terms of development.
But his is a sad case. We both never had any friends. Because to us, everyone was someone we needed to win against. Even if that person thought that he was a friend, and we would let him think so, we would be ultimately still make sure that we were always one step ahead.
Perhaps this was why I found it hardest to fight J when we both started out in tkd together, and ultimately, why I made him quit.
But as for this case study, he never realized how deep he was falling away from everyone, and ultimately, away from himself. In the end, having no real allegiance and being driven further and further by his own ambitions, his life ended without him knowing what it was to have a true friend.
There are many times when I find myself returning to that path. But I know that I am only looking down along the pit that I am climbing up from. Awareness is the first step to controlling yourself. He who is unaware, is in the most danger because he has no choice. But as long as you are aware, you have the power to choose what kind of person you want to become.
As long as you have the power to choose, you can become whoever you want.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Parents still worrying as usual even while overseas:
"Bye dear take care and please please please give up mauy tai. Take care of your health. *Sometime damage done can not be repair and have to suffer for the rest of your life."
Oh the irony.
Yesterday:
Really didn't feel like working on anything, so it was dota, anime, and slack haha.
Brought Winston to adam rd food court for tea. That bastard made me eat so much junk food la! Realized that its possible to laugh so much and hard until you almost suffocate.
Gym with Ced and Mus. Then ate + tok cok. And spotted a sick but still fashionable DL at prata house. Went to watch death note 2 at cine at like.. 12 plus, then the stayed over + talked until about 5am. Latest I've slept in a long time... besides the zoukout night.
Sleeping late is bad for the area around the eyes. Look damn jialat today. Like those people who always sleep late, cross between a drug-addict look and necromancer. Lucky got specs to cover up abit.
Brought them to eat at the absolute best prata stall in singapore at the market at noon... when we eventually woke up. Then slept again until time to gym. Then brought them to my fav jap place in amk where the katsudon is damn good yet is cheaper than a plate of chicken rice. Ate Sukiyaki. IT WAS DAMN GOOD OMGWTF.
Had a long talk with Ced at his house just now. Interesting observations he has of our group. Made me remember alot of stuff.
Chua understood us the best. He knew that the desire to improve and succeed will only come about if you place them in an environment with competition. Threaten and challenge them emotionally and psychologically. Then, that's where the strong ones will emerge amongst those who have always had it too easy.
Every class was a race to solve the series of problems and questions. Tuition took on a whole new meaning for me. When I was slammed again and again at first. But once I got sick and frustrated, I slowly climbed up the ladder of tables which were organized in categories according to the speed in which we solved his papers. From the one end of the row of tables where the slowest students struggled, I climbed to the end where the ri gp, marist gp and ch gp students dominated the class, and even beat them.
Looking back, I was the only one that managed to experience what it was like at both ends. The gp students were always at their super fast end of class.
Thats when I realized that the struggle to improve is fun; it can keep you going. But once you're at the top, you can lose your drive.
Same thing goes for alot of things in life. In whatever goals we have. Fitness, physique, money, power, status, even girls. You may feel a little good to brag at what you have achieved, but its a shallow kind of gratification. And once you reach your goal, you will ask yourself: "what's next?" And if you don't have an anwer, you might as well lose your reason to live if the drive that you lost was such a strong important factor in your life.
You work so hard to get alot of something, but when you finally get it and lose the initial excitement, you wonder what you can do with it. Then you wonder why the hell you worked so hard for it for.
Man is a stubborn, immature creature. He won't believe that something is futile until he actually tries it for himself. Many times I kick myself in the ass when I realize that this stubbornness is preventing me from making the wiser decision.
Even now, I'm not sure if my passion for music will ever wane. But its not very likely.
It takes time and practice, but you can tell whether a pianist is playing a song by memory with logical timing, slowing down and variation; and whether he can really feel the song. Every emotion that the pianist portrays is a flashback to his own past. His own pain, sadness, anger, happiness or frustration.
Its a reflection of life itself. Something that is ever changing, something that will never be stale, never be boring. Especially when I have blocked any emotion that would make me vulnerable. Music makes me remember what its like to feel them again, because the context of feeling them is not personal, therefore it will not make me vulnerable.
Its sick, but I feel happiness through feeling sad at times.
You can only enjoy pride for so long. I've had enough. Though its fun to enjoy the struggle again every now and then, I need to look at the big picture.
"Bye dear take care and please please please give up mauy tai. Take care of your health. *Sometime damage done can not be repair and have to suffer for the rest of your life."
Oh the irony.
Yesterday:
Really didn't feel like working on anything, so it was dota, anime, and slack haha.
Brought Winston to adam rd food court for tea. That bastard made me eat so much junk food la! Realized that its possible to laugh so much and hard until you almost suffocate.
Gym with Ced and Mus. Then ate + tok cok. And spotted a sick but still fashionable DL at prata house. Went to watch death note 2 at cine at like.. 12 plus, then the stayed over + talked until about 5am. Latest I've slept in a long time... besides the zoukout night.
Sleeping late is bad for the area around the eyes. Look damn jialat today. Like those people who always sleep late, cross between a drug-addict look and necromancer. Lucky got specs to cover up abit.
Brought them to eat at the absolute best prata stall in singapore at the market at noon... when we eventually woke up. Then slept again until time to gym. Then brought them to my fav jap place in amk where the katsudon is damn good yet is cheaper than a plate of chicken rice. Ate Sukiyaki. IT WAS DAMN GOOD OMGWTF.
Had a long talk with Ced at his house just now. Interesting observations he has of our group. Made me remember alot of stuff.
Chua understood us the best. He knew that the desire to improve and succeed will only come about if you place them in an environment with competition. Threaten and challenge them emotionally and psychologically. Then, that's where the strong ones will emerge amongst those who have always had it too easy.
Every class was a race to solve the series of problems and questions. Tuition took on a whole new meaning for me. When I was slammed again and again at first. But once I got sick and frustrated, I slowly climbed up the ladder of tables which were organized in categories according to the speed in which we solved his papers. From the one end of the row of tables where the slowest students struggled, I climbed to the end where the ri gp, marist gp and ch gp students dominated the class, and even beat them.
Looking back, I was the only one that managed to experience what it was like at both ends. The gp students were always at their super fast end of class.
Thats when I realized that the struggle to improve is fun; it can keep you going. But once you're at the top, you can lose your drive.
Same thing goes for alot of things in life. In whatever goals we have. Fitness, physique, money, power, status, even girls. You may feel a little good to brag at what you have achieved, but its a shallow kind of gratification. And once you reach your goal, you will ask yourself: "what's next?" And if you don't have an anwer, you might as well lose your reason to live if the drive that you lost was such a strong important factor in your life.
You work so hard to get alot of something, but when you finally get it and lose the initial excitement, you wonder what you can do with it. Then you wonder why the hell you worked so hard for it for.
Man is a stubborn, immature creature. He won't believe that something is futile until he actually tries it for himself. Many times I kick myself in the ass when I realize that this stubbornness is preventing me from making the wiser decision.
Even now, I'm not sure if my passion for music will ever wane. But its not very likely.
It takes time and practice, but you can tell whether a pianist is playing a song by memory with logical timing, slowing down and variation; and whether he can really feel the song. Every emotion that the pianist portrays is a flashback to his own past. His own pain, sadness, anger, happiness or frustration.
Its a reflection of life itself. Something that is ever changing, something that will never be stale, never be boring. Especially when I have blocked any emotion that would make me vulnerable. Music makes me remember what its like to feel them again, because the context of feeling them is not personal, therefore it will not make me vulnerable.
Its sick, but I feel happiness through feeling sad at times.
You can only enjoy pride for so long. I've had enough. Though its fun to enjoy the struggle again every now and then, I need to look at the big picture.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Sun: Meeting with the juniors to watch "Curse of the Golden Flower". What the heck man. The fight scenes were good but extremely sparse.. the rest of the show is like an exaggerated soap opera. If you think you're family is screwed up, it'll look perfect after you watch this show.
Quite annoyed at how some things are going on in the school team. I suppose they didn't get what I was trying to teach them 2 years ago - that democracy is an important aspect in any team with those who desire to prove themselves to keep it happy, whether it be genuine or an illusion of democracy. They probably failed to realize this because they were caught up in the illusion that I was creating and chose to believe in it.
There is always a way to direct them in any way that you wish, as long as they don't know that you were the one flashing the little signals which would act as the sub-conscious way points when they think that they make the final decision. Man is so stubborn to want to go in another direction if you just point him somewhere. This I know because I am the most stubborn person that I know.
But, all in all. I will support JS some more, because I was the one who handed them to him in the first place.
Was talking to JW about the successor for sa f sa.
"Too much going on in here" (points to heart) "not enough in here (points to head).
Then it struck me, that I had once said the exact same thing about JW to Den. And looking at how JW has grown so much in this aspect, I know that the dog will too. Because they are so similar. Both ex-canoeists, coming from very disciplined teams, missing their previous teams and trying to recreate the same disciplined environment in the new team. Seeing how proud I am of how far JW has come, I know that one day I will look at the dog with the same amount of pride.
Mon: Met up with the senior team for lunch at new york new york. Should have ordered the whole chicken. The fellowship of the ring was reunited at last. With Bilbo, battle dwarf, frodo and aragorn. It was nice seeing them all again along with the rest of the team. Seeing everyone laugh like that reminded me of days we would spend dying at the track, hundreds of pushups, situps, pullups and weights. Then we would head to the school pool and just play around and laugh so hard trying to drown each other.
Jonny's materialized his dream of opting to join the commandos, complete leaders course and get commissioned. He even got best pt for his company which for a commando coy is quite a feat. I'm glad that he didn't sign on with them in the end, though. I hope my countless dissuades finally got to him to wait and see how things go first.
We live out each other's dreams, in a way. As I lived out Hong's dream to convert from a dragonboater to a canoeist, Jonny made it in commandos. That's was just a secondary one for me, anyway. One that I knew I couldn't pursue anymore once I had decided to change for the better. The team now is what I had dreamed of and want.
Coach didn't turn up. It would have been odd for us, anyway.
Was on the roads after midnight. It really is ridiculously easy. Though when it started to rain I thought of how sucky it would be to be on a bike.
I was never one to shy from the rain anyway.
The sun maybe.... hahaa.
Oh yeah, the lunch made me realize how much I miss eating with the girls team. When they order too much than their little stomachs can handle and come to me with their food offerings. XD
Quite annoyed at how some things are going on in the school team. I suppose they didn't get what I was trying to teach them 2 years ago - that democracy is an important aspect in any team with those who desire to prove themselves to keep it happy, whether it be genuine or an illusion of democracy. They probably failed to realize this because they were caught up in the illusion that I was creating and chose to believe in it.
There is always a way to direct them in any way that you wish, as long as they don't know that you were the one flashing the little signals which would act as the sub-conscious way points when they think that they make the final decision. Man is so stubborn to want to go in another direction if you just point him somewhere. This I know because I am the most stubborn person that I know.
But, all in all. I will support JS some more, because I was the one who handed them to him in the first place.
Was talking to JW about the successor for sa f sa.
"Too much going on in here" (points to heart) "not enough in here (points to head).
Then it struck me, that I had once said the exact same thing about JW to Den. And looking at how JW has grown so much in this aspect, I know that the dog will too. Because they are so similar. Both ex-canoeists, coming from very disciplined teams, missing their previous teams and trying to recreate the same disciplined environment in the new team. Seeing how proud I am of how far JW has come, I know that one day I will look at the dog with the same amount of pride.
Mon: Met up with the senior team for lunch at new york new york. Should have ordered the whole chicken. The fellowship of the ring was reunited at last. With Bilbo, battle dwarf, frodo and aragorn. It was nice seeing them all again along with the rest of the team. Seeing everyone laugh like that reminded me of days we would spend dying at the track, hundreds of pushups, situps, pullups and weights. Then we would head to the school pool and just play around and laugh so hard trying to drown each other.
Jonny's materialized his dream of opting to join the commandos, complete leaders course and get commissioned. He even got best pt for his company which for a commando coy is quite a feat. I'm glad that he didn't sign on with them in the end, though. I hope my countless dissuades finally got to him to wait and see how things go first.
We live out each other's dreams, in a way. As I lived out Hong's dream to convert from a dragonboater to a canoeist, Jonny made it in commandos. That's was just a secondary one for me, anyway. One that I knew I couldn't pursue anymore once I had decided to change for the better. The team now is what I had dreamed of and want.
Coach didn't turn up. It would have been odd for us, anyway.
Was on the roads after midnight. It really is ridiculously easy. Though when it started to rain I thought of how sucky it would be to be on a bike.
I was never one to shy from the rain anyway.
The sun maybe.... hahaa.
Oh yeah, the lunch made me realize how much I miss eating with the girls team. When they order too much than their little stomachs can handle and come to me with their food offerings. XD
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Dota'd with the recce guys tonight.
Some of the guys have improved so much.
Tomorrow there's an outing with the junior db team, monday, with the senior db team, then the safsa guys.
Parents are leaving tomorrow night to finland for about 2 weeks... so I got the house all to myself.
But I think in a way, that's why I'm actually going for the outings this year.
An introvert likes being alone as long as there are people to get away from. But if there is no one to escape from, he'll have to find people to get away from.
I just hope that it doesn't hurt so much tomorrow when I wake up.
Some of the guys have improved so much.
Tomorrow there's an outing with the junior db team, monday, with the senior db team, then the safsa guys.
Parents are leaving tomorrow night to finland for about 2 weeks... so I got the house all to myself.
But I think in a way, that's why I'm actually going for the outings this year.
An introvert likes being alone as long as there are people to get away from. But if there is no one to escape from, he'll have to find people to get away from.
I just hope that it doesn't hurt so much tomorrow when I wake up.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
The mark of a true gamer...
Dota is getting boring omg.
Anyway the sexy song is done!
| 12/23/2006 | 7:53:54 PM | charles woohoo | Reu | eh do you play ff12? | ||||
| 12/23/2006 | 7:54:34 PM | Reu | charles woohoo | no | ||||
| 12/23/2006 | 7:54:41 PM | Reu | charles woohoo | the pirated shop at lucky plaza dissapeared | ||||
| 12/23/2006 | 7:54:45 PM | Reu | charles woohoo | I got no source of pirated games liao lol | ||||
| 12/23/2006 | 7:55:07 PM | charles woohoo | Reu | haha | ||||
| 12/23/2006 | 7:55:16 PM | charles woohoo | Reu | hougang have | ||||
| 12/23/2006 | 7:55:30 PM | Reu | charles woohoo | very far for me la | ||||
| 12/23/2006 | 7:55:34 PM | charles woohoo | Reu | wah | ||||
| 12/23/2006 | 7:55:34 PM | Reu | charles woohoo | hougang where ah | ||||
| 12/23/2006 | 7:55:41 PM | charles woohoo | Reu | near hougang plaza | ||||
| 12/23/2006 | 7:55:55 PM | charles woohoo | Reu | did you know I spent like half to day to travel all the way there to get it | ||||
| 12/23/2006 | 7:56:06 PM | Reu | charles woohoo | lol | ||||
| 12/23/2006 | 7:56:12 PM | Reu | charles woohoo | a true gamer! | ||||
| 12/23/2006 | 7:56:17 PM | charles woohoo | Reu | haha yes! | ||||
| 12/23/2006 | 7:56:21 PM | Reu | charles woohoo | haha |
Dota is getting boring omg.
Anyway the sexy song is done!
Thursday, December 21, 2006
There are some things in life you wanna see yourself go through, and there are some things you're better off not seeing.
Thank god for GA.
Anesthetist1: Here breathe this in, its oxygen. (puts mask on)
Anesthetist2: Your arm is going to feel like its burning (Injects arm)
*Arm starts burning like shit, hard to breathe through the mask*
Me: (muffled) Hahd to beeth... arm vehy hot
Anesthetist1: Hmm? This is the thing to make you go to sleep.
Me: (muffled) wah da fahk? Tell me dat nes tiim.. zzzzzzzzz
*Wakes up with super tight bandage wrapped around torso*
Doc1: Hi there, how you doing?
Me: Feels like someone kicked me in the stomach...
Doc1 to Doc2: he says it feels like someone kicked him in the stomach... you think the wrapping's too tight?
Doc2: Hrm... no, the wrapping shouldn't be too tight.
Me: Its... too... tight.
*Doc1 and Doc2 walk away discussing something*
Me: (wtf) Nurse... painkillers please.
Waking up at 5am feeling like you just got hit by a final atomic buster makes you appreciate the beauty of painkillers.
One more house bound day and that's it. Tomorrow I'm getting out of here at least for awhile.
Thank god for GA.
Anesthetist1: Here breathe this in, its oxygen. (puts mask on)
Anesthetist2: Your arm is going to feel like its burning (Injects arm)
*Arm starts burning like shit, hard to breathe through the mask*
Me: (muffled) Hahd to beeth... arm vehy hot
Anesthetist1: Hmm? This is the thing to make you go to sleep.
Me: (muffled) wah da fahk? Tell me dat nes tiim.. zzzzzzzzz
*Wakes up with super tight bandage wrapped around torso*
Doc1: Hi there, how you doing?
Me: Feels like someone kicked me in the stomach...
Doc1 to Doc2: he says it feels like someone kicked him in the stomach... you think the wrapping's too tight?
Doc2: Hrm... no, the wrapping shouldn't be too tight.
Me: Its... too... tight.
*Doc1 and Doc2 walk away discussing something*
Me: (wtf) Nurse... painkillers please.
Waking up at 5am feeling like you just got hit by a final atomic buster makes you appreciate the beauty of painkillers.
One more house bound day and that's it. Tomorrow I'm getting out of here at least for awhile.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
I remember why I made it a point to pace myself when work is concerned...
I'm a workaholic. And combined with the fact that I work from home... I could keep going 24/7. Need to discipline myself to take a break. Gotta make sure I don't burn out.
Bike lesson today turned into some sort of water sport thanks to the stupid rain. And the stupid rain killed my phone which I managed to resurrect, but the battery won't charge now. Godamnit.
In about 12 hours time I'll know if it worked or not. Its stupid to take certain risks or cause yourself pain, but if it means I can finally go beyond my present handicap, I'll do it.
Went to order the specs in the evening while waiting for nitek to gym, which the slaht eventually cancelled omg. It sucks having astigmatism, but if the specs will restore my right eye to better than perfect condition, then so be it. To think all this trouble would have been avoided if i had just blocked that hit to my eye so many years back. Contacts are a huge pain in the ass. Besides, the left eye is still perfect, so if I need to kill anything, I can just close my right eye and do it. Huhuhu.
Its been raining the whole day today. Literally the whole day. If this was a night back in recce, I would be lying on my bunk with the blanket over, reading a good book with the rain pattering everywhere outside, cold breeze coming in through the windows. Wah, so depressing.
By the end of the week, it will be a new start.
I'm a workaholic. And combined with the fact that I work from home... I could keep going 24/7. Need to discipline myself to take a break. Gotta make sure I don't burn out.
Bike lesson today turned into some sort of water sport thanks to the stupid rain. And the stupid rain killed my phone which I managed to resurrect, but the battery won't charge now. Godamnit.
In about 12 hours time I'll know if it worked or not. Its stupid to take certain risks or cause yourself pain, but if it means I can finally go beyond my present handicap, I'll do it.
Went to order the specs in the evening while waiting for nitek to gym, which the slaht eventually cancelled omg. It sucks having astigmatism, but if the specs will restore my right eye to better than perfect condition, then so be it. To think all this trouble would have been avoided if i had just blocked that hit to my eye so many years back. Contacts are a huge pain in the ass. Besides, the left eye is still perfect, so if I need to kill anything, I can just close my right eye and do it. Huhuhu.
Its been raining the whole day today. Literally the whole day. If this was a night back in recce, I would be lying on my bunk with the blanket over, reading a good book with the rain pattering everywhere outside, cold breeze coming in through the windows. Wah, so depressing.
By the end of the week, it will be a new start.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Been a whole day of music today. Best part of my work is that sometimes I need to go and take a nap and incubate the ideas before coming up with something awesome.
Its not possible to force logic into something that requires so much more. Music forms in the sub-conscious, and the only way to work on it there is to incubate it, go to sleep, or play. Hahaha.
Gymed at noon with the dog. Talked alot about N team and how things are looking up now that Mr N is going to take over. Perhaps he will be able to change things. I hope so. If he does, then maybe I will reconsider. The only way is to supercede the incompetent wee kok and etc, which Mr N hopes to accomplish. Only time will tell. There's a special language that only canoeists can speak to each other in. A language that only comes with one-on-one time in the water, feeling it and understanding how it reacts and influences you beyond anything accomplish able in a dragonboat. Its nice being able to speak it again.
Nitek asked if there was anything beyond the dog. I don't think there needs to be anything too spectacularly ground-breaking. He is just someone who is frustrated in the psychological barriers that people set up for him. It is this frustration that drives him. Something that is quite common, if you think about it.
For some, this barrier could be presented in the form of money, physique, control of life, company, power, girls, sex; there are so many, because everyone goes through different things in life, and so they can be so similar, yet some may not understand another's barrier completely because it has never been an issue for him.
He has one of the rarest - a barrier of ideal performance state, or stress levels related to performance. So I suppose, you could say that it is indeed interesting.
People have several barriers that they wish to overcome, you can tell by how they talk about it, how they work on it. As athletes we can relate to each other by them because it all boils down to the same thing; the fight to prove that we can break down these barriers and ultimately control our own destiny.
Went to Sensei Th to re-align my neck and spine because of the godamn headaches. Got scolded for pushing too hard. Didn't quite feel like arguing with him. There's no way one can improve if he progresses too slowly. But I will be more careful.
I can't remember when the last time I got into an argument and really threw myself into it and debated with emotion and zest. I used to watch them and think about how part of me was amused at how unaware they were of their increasing emotional levels, yet a part of me wanted to be able to be like that again.
When you are forced to be completely aware of your emotions, it really takes the fun out of alot of things. If you look at things logically, you can analyze from different perspectives. If you're too emotionally involved in the argument, you will tend to dive into one perspective, and the brain will only try to reinforce thoughts over and over again creatively, which may be fun, but is not optimal to find the ideal solution to anything at all.
I probably had to learn to stay in control of everything, even arguments through, ironically, fighting. You need to stay in control at all times. Getting too involved into it breeds frustration, which hampers reaction. Going beyond that breeds anger, which creates predictability. This is especially true for someone whose aura is red, is overly competitive and angers extremely easily by nature.
They were hard lessons to learn, but the result is a very unique perspective of the world and the people around you.
When you've brushed against death so many times, things change. Big matters seem like small matters. Life goals seem like inconsequential tasks. You want more in life than the usual person. You wake up.
Perhaps these past few days I've been working so hard on my music because if things go wrong on wednesday, at least people will be able to listen and say "hey, this guy was a frickin genius."
It was something I discovered earlier on in life which is probably the cause of my extremely unusual path in life.
If you die, no one will give a damn about how smart you were, what your grades were, whether you had a degree or phd, how much money you made, what car you drove, what house you lived in, what an asshole of a boss you were. But if you've touched someone's life, and I mean really touched, it, they will damn well remember it. Either through being that good captain, or that composer of the track that melted your cold heart. This I know, because I remember each person that did that for me.
I was warned in the past, that if I had exhausted myself too far, the injury would cause death. Because the hit itself would have killed a normal person. Yet every time I lay there on the floor in pain after the runs around the neighbourhood, I never regretted it. Maybe I know I did good somehow among all the bad.
There's a saying that whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
Then I would probably be the strongest person I know.
Everyone has different desires in life, because we all grew up differently. Perhaps one day someone will be able to understand my desires. But its not likely.
Its not possible to force logic into something that requires so much more. Music forms in the sub-conscious, and the only way to work on it there is to incubate it, go to sleep, or play. Hahaha.
Gymed at noon with the dog. Talked alot about N team and how things are looking up now that Mr N is going to take over. Perhaps he will be able to change things. I hope so. If he does, then maybe I will reconsider. The only way is to supercede the incompetent wee kok and etc, which Mr N hopes to accomplish. Only time will tell. There's a special language that only canoeists can speak to each other in. A language that only comes with one-on-one time in the water, feeling it and understanding how it reacts and influences you beyond anything accomplish able in a dragonboat. Its nice being able to speak it again.
Nitek asked if there was anything beyond the dog. I don't think there needs to be anything too spectacularly ground-breaking. He is just someone who is frustrated in the psychological barriers that people set up for him. It is this frustration that drives him. Something that is quite common, if you think about it.
For some, this barrier could be presented in the form of money, physique, control of life, company, power, girls, sex; there are so many, because everyone goes through different things in life, and so they can be so similar, yet some may not understand another's barrier completely because it has never been an issue for him.
He has one of the rarest - a barrier of ideal performance state, or stress levels related to performance. So I suppose, you could say that it is indeed interesting.
People have several barriers that they wish to overcome, you can tell by how they talk about it, how they work on it. As athletes we can relate to each other by them because it all boils down to the same thing; the fight to prove that we can break down these barriers and ultimately control our own destiny.
Went to Sensei Th to re-align my neck and spine because of the godamn headaches. Got scolded for pushing too hard. Didn't quite feel like arguing with him. There's no way one can improve if he progresses too slowly. But I will be more careful.
I can't remember when the last time I got into an argument and really threw myself into it and debated with emotion and zest. I used to watch them and think about how part of me was amused at how unaware they were of their increasing emotional levels, yet a part of me wanted to be able to be like that again.
When you are forced to be completely aware of your emotions, it really takes the fun out of alot of things. If you look at things logically, you can analyze from different perspectives. If you're too emotionally involved in the argument, you will tend to dive into one perspective, and the brain will only try to reinforce thoughts over and over again creatively, which may be fun, but is not optimal to find the ideal solution to anything at all.
I probably had to learn to stay in control of everything, even arguments through, ironically, fighting. You need to stay in control at all times. Getting too involved into it breeds frustration, which hampers reaction. Going beyond that breeds anger, which creates predictability. This is especially true for someone whose aura is red, is overly competitive and angers extremely easily by nature.
They were hard lessons to learn, but the result is a very unique perspective of the world and the people around you.
When you've brushed against death so many times, things change. Big matters seem like small matters. Life goals seem like inconsequential tasks. You want more in life than the usual person. You wake up.
Perhaps these past few days I've been working so hard on my music because if things go wrong on wednesday, at least people will be able to listen and say "hey, this guy was a frickin genius."
It was something I discovered earlier on in life which is probably the cause of my extremely unusual path in life.
If you die, no one will give a damn about how smart you were, what your grades were, whether you had a degree or phd, how much money you made, what car you drove, what house you lived in, what an asshole of a boss you were. But if you've touched someone's life, and I mean really touched, it, they will damn well remember it. Either through being that good captain, or that composer of the track that melted your cold heart. This I know, because I remember each person that did that for me.
I was warned in the past, that if I had exhausted myself too far, the injury would cause death. Because the hit itself would have killed a normal person. Yet every time I lay there on the floor in pain after the runs around the neighbourhood, I never regretted it. Maybe I know I did good somehow among all the bad.
There's a saying that whatever doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
Then I would probably be the strongest person I know.
Everyone has different desires in life, because we all grew up differently. Perhaps one day someone will be able to understand my desires. But its not likely.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Saturday, December 16, 2006
My son wasn't feeling well today, so being a good daddy, I helped him call his boss back.
Me: Hello, who is this?
Boss(Pissed off): Where. Are. You.
Me: Who is this?
Boss(Suddenly neutral mood): Umm... may I speak to Nigel please?
Me: He's sleeping at the moment, got a very bad fever.
Boss(Suddenly polite): Oh dear, cause he's supposed to be working at a function tonight so I wondered if anything happened to him and if he was okay. Is this the father?
Me: Yes. (Duh, only a good daddy would call you back to see why you called his son so many times.)
Boss: Ohhh... I just wanted to find out if anything happened to him or if he was okay because I received no word from him.
Me: Hrm... I don't think he'll be able to work tonight.
Boss: Alright, just wanted to make sure he's ok. Umm... tell him to take care?
Me: Sure.
What a caring daddy, right? My son is sure to grow up to be an upright, honest, truthful individual. ^_^
Training in the morning... doing pullups when I felt an M1A1 Abrams MBT crash into my right temple. And it proceeded to repeat a cycle of reversing and accelerating into my temple for every set. Since the damned tank has been harassing me since wednesday, I knew that something was wrong and hurried over to TingFong's chinese physician.
When She checked the reaction to pressure to my left and right pulses and identified a problem with the flow to an internal organ, I knew she was good.
She knew sensei robin, cause I used to practice tkd, and henceforth came to the conclusion that I "wasn't afraid of pain." But I still hated needles. Godamn, a fist or kick I can take. But something so small just pisses me off. It was the first time I had a needle driven into my temple area, among the other points, but it didn't sting much, unlike the hand meridian. Oh my god. I think the most annoying part is that you have to frickin relax when it stings, when everything else is telling me to tense, make a fist, and WAAARGHH!!
Went back to training after that, took k1 with dog. Sun very hot. Stupid sun.
Talked alot with dog after that, though I forgot what the heck we talked about at the moment. Gymed with the nitek kia after that.
I wonder if nitek kia would have realized that dog's butterfly talk was bullshit so early if I hadn't
hinted it to him on several occasions. He would probably think that he would have :p
I still remember the times that he would get into those grand debates with dog about the butterflies, and triumph with DL about corrupting his butterfly side.
I still remember me silently being amused as he fought with the doppelganger persona.
Some people were right about me being quite scary and quiet to study people a long time back.
But back then, before I identified these people as friends, I could use them as case studies, like all the others. Unlike now, where I shall let them in on these things.
The deceiver deceives for the purpose of deceiving, and he can bend and adapt his equation for several scenarios. Whereas for my dog, he only chanced upon this equation, probably copying it from someone or a book, or a show.
There was a time during one of the countless debates when he said "I've been hurt many times, but trust me when I say that you will just know when you meet that one person who was made for you."
When what he actually meant was "I've been hurt many times, but trust me when I tell you that by saying these things, the chances of me getting hurt again are much lower."
Although the effect is similar, there is a difference between saying something with passion and believing in it, and saying something with passion because you believe in it solely because of what it can accomplish. That is how he could carry off the illusion of being authentic.
Sometimes it helps to be able to see through some things.
Me: Hello, who is this?
Boss(Pissed off): Where. Are. You.
Me: Who is this?
Boss(Suddenly neutral mood): Umm... may I speak to Nigel please?
Me: He's sleeping at the moment, got a very bad fever.
Boss(Suddenly polite): Oh dear, cause he's supposed to be working at a function tonight so I wondered if anything happened to him and if he was okay. Is this the father?
Me: Yes. (Duh, only a good daddy would call you back to see why you called his son so many times.)
Boss: Ohhh... I just wanted to find out if anything happened to him or if he was okay because I received no word from him.
Me: Hrm... I don't think he'll be able to work tonight.
Boss: Alright, just wanted to make sure he's ok. Umm... tell him to take care?
Me: Sure.
What a caring daddy, right? My son is sure to grow up to be an upright, honest, truthful individual. ^_^
Training in the morning... doing pullups when I felt an M1A1 Abrams MBT crash into my right temple. And it proceeded to repeat a cycle of reversing and accelerating into my temple for every set. Since the damned tank has been harassing me since wednesday, I knew that something was wrong and hurried over to TingFong's chinese physician.
When She checked the reaction to pressure to my left and right pulses and identified a problem with the flow to an internal organ, I knew she was good.
She knew sensei robin, cause I used to practice tkd, and henceforth came to the conclusion that I "wasn't afraid of pain." But I still hated needles. Godamn, a fist or kick I can take. But something so small just pisses me off. It was the first time I had a needle driven into my temple area, among the other points, but it didn't sting much, unlike the hand meridian. Oh my god. I think the most annoying part is that you have to frickin relax when it stings, when everything else is telling me to tense, make a fist, and WAAARGHH!!
Went back to training after that, took k1 with dog. Sun very hot. Stupid sun.
Talked alot with dog after that, though I forgot what the heck we talked about at the moment. Gymed with the nitek kia after that.
I wonder if nitek kia would have realized that dog's butterfly talk was bullshit so early if I hadn't
hinted it to him on several occasions. He would probably think that he would have :p
I still remember the times that he would get into those grand debates with dog about the butterflies, and triumph with DL about corrupting his butterfly side.
I still remember me silently being amused as he fought with the doppelganger persona.
Some people were right about me being quite scary and quiet to study people a long time back.
But back then, before I identified these people as friends, I could use them as case studies, like all the others. Unlike now, where I shall let them in on these things.
The deceiver deceives for the purpose of deceiving, and he can bend and adapt his equation for several scenarios. Whereas for my dog, he only chanced upon this equation, probably copying it from someone or a book, or a show.
There was a time during one of the countless debates when he said "I've been hurt many times, but trust me when I say that you will just know when you meet that one person who was made for you."
When what he actually meant was "I've been hurt many times, but trust me when I tell you that by saying these things, the chances of me getting hurt again are much lower."
Although the effect is similar, there is a difference between saying something with passion and believing in it, and saying something with passion because you believe in it solely because of what it can accomplish. That is how he could carry off the illusion of being authentic.
Sometimes it helps to be able to see through some things.
Damn sleepy day today. Hardly did much work, cause was in town for the whole day wtf.
Went all over the place with dog and moose. Got some shirts. Some store in far east selling a new batch of A&F polos, which have some quality for a change and are at decent price.
Then we ate.
Then watched Aragon. Saw Denys at lido who was with some small sized chao ah beng looking ex nj canoeist who looked like he wanted to get beat up. Turns out after dog identified him that he studies in smu and from other reports, apparently has a high affinity to dustbins.
Aragon was a nice show, though many lines sucked and it was kinda childish, but the aftertaste was good. Unlike saw 3 omg. Yuck.
Then we ate.
Then came home to supposedly do weights but we ended up playing cvs2 and ninja turtles lol.
Walked to ksl to eat supper with moose near midnight when after we crossed the junction, a car swerved towards us with a screech as it tried to avoid hitting this idiot car who tried to turn right too early. Had that car not swerved back in time, we may have been hit.
It happened so fast. A peaceful night, going to get some supper, when we hear a screech, and turn to see this car swerving to the right and straight towards us. My right hand shot out to moose's right shoulder, right foot shifted infront, ready to push him behind me as I continue to stare at the approaching car.
It was a female driver, I thought that we were dead. Then, she swerved back left away from us, and at that moment I thought we had encountered a super zai female driver for a change. She had swerved instinctively to avoid the oncoming car, then swerved back into the right direction. Power.
On retrospect. If the car had continued to come towards us, and I had pushed moose behind me and out of the way, both of my feet would have been grounded firmly in order to transfer enough energy to push him away enough, and I would not be able to regain lightness in time to move away from the car myself.
Its kinda dumb that I can react to defend myself or... disable someone else when I'm in danger. But when someone else is in the picture, I'm not fast enough to save both.
Moose said that he was ready to jump, but while my hand was on him and the car was approaching, I could feel that he was frozen, tense, instead of light and ready to jump. Maybe I couldn't let such a hapless guy die, and forgot about the consequences to myself. Because I know that if I had considered the possibility that I would be hit, I would have tried to think of another solution to get us both out of the way.
But sometimes a second is not enough to second guess yourself.
Thank god she was damn zai.
Went all over the place with dog and moose. Got some shirts. Some store in far east selling a new batch of A&F polos, which have some quality for a change and are at decent price.
Then we ate.
Then watched Aragon. Saw Denys at lido who was with some small sized chao ah beng looking ex nj canoeist who looked like he wanted to get beat up. Turns out after dog identified him that he studies in smu and from other reports, apparently has a high affinity to dustbins.
Aragon was a nice show, though many lines sucked and it was kinda childish, but the aftertaste was good. Unlike saw 3 omg. Yuck.
Then we ate.
Then came home to supposedly do weights but we ended up playing cvs2 and ninja turtles lol.
Walked to ksl to eat supper with moose near midnight when after we crossed the junction, a car swerved towards us with a screech as it tried to avoid hitting this idiot car who tried to turn right too early. Had that car not swerved back in time, we may have been hit.
It happened so fast. A peaceful night, going to get some supper, when we hear a screech, and turn to see this car swerving to the right and straight towards us. My right hand shot out to moose's right shoulder, right foot shifted infront, ready to push him behind me as I continue to stare at the approaching car.
It was a female driver, I thought that we were dead. Then, she swerved back left away from us, and at that moment I thought we had encountered a super zai female driver for a change. She had swerved instinctively to avoid the oncoming car, then swerved back into the right direction. Power.
On retrospect. If the car had continued to come towards us, and I had pushed moose behind me and out of the way, both of my feet would have been grounded firmly in order to transfer enough energy to push him away enough, and I would not be able to regain lightness in time to move away from the car myself.
Its kinda dumb that I can react to defend myself or... disable someone else when I'm in danger. But when someone else is in the picture, I'm not fast enough to save both.
Moose said that he was ready to jump, but while my hand was on him and the car was approaching, I could feel that he was frozen, tense, instead of light and ready to jump. Maybe I couldn't let such a hapless guy die, and forgot about the consequences to myself. Because I know that if I had considered the possibility that I would be hit, I would have tried to think of another solution to get us both out of the way.
But sometimes a second is not enough to second guess yourself.
Thank god she was damn zai.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Mom's been complaining about me having violent urges and tendencies again and worrying about me getting into fights and practicing muay thai.
Sometimes I really wonder why she worries so much. Its not like I've been having outbreaks of anger around the house. I can't even remember when the last time I lost control was. Probably years. And she has no clue about the recent encounters.
She says its better to keep away, than to practice and have to control. But the problem is there was never really a way to keep away and forget everything. Its like riding a bike. When you need to ride it, you will just know how to ride it. But at least now in Muay thai I've learned how to execute non-lethal blows, and not have to worry about collapsing something or shutting down a godamned organ if I hit too hard.
Why learn in the first place? Maybe several reasons.
I know I was extremely competitive. If I lost a computer game to a friend, even a close friend, I could get so mad, ridiculously mad.
I remember the time they were pushing me around. Him punching me, kicking me. The look on their faces, cocky, arrogant. I knew that one day, I would reach a point that no one would be able to do that to me. No one.
But the one thing that drove me beyond the point of no return, probably, was my innate color. Red is probably the rarest of energy forces, because its so hard to find someone else with it. There were a few times when I thought I spotted it in other people, but it was just the compensative juxtaposed persona.
Whatever.
The procedure is next wednesday.
I always faced the possibility of the ultimate finality with a fearless fighting spirit. But now, when its a game of chance, I'm not so certain anymore.
There is always a chance of failure.
But after this, I will finally be fixed. And can resume that training to go to the next level at last.
Gymed with moose and monkey, then went town and met up with dog.
Monkey was damn funny, he had to go home to settle some home problem and wanted us to go home too so as to make sure we wouldn't have fun without him. Hahah.
Ended up going to liquid kitchen with dog and moose.
Too bad DL had medical checkup, and Hamster was busy hoarding more loot. Hamster's been insanely busy recently, you'd think there's going to be very long winter coming soon.
Could be the last time I see all of them.
But as usual, every thing's blocked out and I can't feel shit.
If I were to die soon, all this money would be for shit. Its the company that gives life meaning sometimes.
Sometimes I really wonder why she worries so much. Its not like I've been having outbreaks of anger around the house. I can't even remember when the last time I lost control was. Probably years. And she has no clue about the recent encounters.
She says its better to keep away, than to practice and have to control. But the problem is there was never really a way to keep away and forget everything. Its like riding a bike. When you need to ride it, you will just know how to ride it. But at least now in Muay thai I've learned how to execute non-lethal blows, and not have to worry about collapsing something or shutting down a godamned organ if I hit too hard.
Why learn in the first place? Maybe several reasons.
I know I was extremely competitive. If I lost a computer game to a friend, even a close friend, I could get so mad, ridiculously mad.
I remember the time they were pushing me around. Him punching me, kicking me. The look on their faces, cocky, arrogant. I knew that one day, I would reach a point that no one would be able to do that to me. No one.
But the one thing that drove me beyond the point of no return, probably, was my innate color. Red is probably the rarest of energy forces, because its so hard to find someone else with it. There were a few times when I thought I spotted it in other people, but it was just the compensative juxtaposed persona.
Whatever.
The procedure is next wednesday.
I always faced the possibility of the ultimate finality with a fearless fighting spirit. But now, when its a game of chance, I'm not so certain anymore.
There is always a chance of failure.
But after this, I will finally be fixed. And can resume that training to go to the next level at last.
Gymed with moose and monkey, then went town and met up with dog.
Monkey was damn funny, he had to go home to settle some home problem and wanted us to go home too so as to make sure we wouldn't have fun without him. Hahah.
Ended up going to liquid kitchen with dog and moose.
Too bad DL had medical checkup, and Hamster was busy hoarding more loot. Hamster's been insanely busy recently, you'd think there's going to be very long winter coming soon.
Could be the last time I see all of them.
But as usual, every thing's blocked out and I can't feel shit.
If I were to die soon, all this money would be for shit. Its the company that gives life meaning sometimes.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Its quite sad that up to right now, I'm still not sure which path to take for the next chapter.
NTU is really mother far. Though by then I should have bike and it shouldn't be too big of a problem. Design there would help me further contacts and develop my music. But, I could do the exact thing and get paid just freelancing.
SMU is nearer, and can go shop. Workload is retarded. But, project work, research, reports and presentations are a breeze thanks to poly, so that would give me a huge advantage over those silly jc students :p. And even among the poly students, I could accomplish in several hours what the rest spent days working on... cause you can think out of the box for work processes and pipelines too. DMD had one of the heaviest workloads in all the faculties, frickin 3 out of 450 students for my batch were active in ccas because the vast majority couldn't cope. I was one of the three. And the other two only juggled one cca when I did three. I don't think they were all dumb... because the average l1r5 for our batch was... 8-18 points? Okay, some quite jialat, but the better ones still didn't shine much. Louis was an RI GP 6 pointer, yet he frickin dropped out of the course due to workload.
So this should give me a substantial amount of bandwidth to go and play around with ccas - which would be about my main reason to go to uni XD. Sad right? hohoho.
Downside here is, the course will probably only be useful 10-20 years down the road, after I'm done setting up presence in the industry and then only will I be able to set up my own production company to expand my share of the income.
So what now?
At the end of sec four, after calculating the time and energy expenditure and output of the usual routes, and wondering if there was any meaning in life in them, I broke out of the conventional cycle.
Now it seems, I can find meaning in more than one option, which is the cause of this complacency.
Perhaps the main reason why I would want to go to uni, is to stay in contact with people and friends.
It will be the lonely path of the genius again, should I go full swing into freelancing. I don't want to be alone again.
Which is more important?
If I was my old cynical self, the answer would be easy.
There's always a trade-off, sacrifices to be made if you want to achieve great things. This is one lesson that I'm all too familiar with. Yet I've already sacrificed so much, I don't know if I can keep doing it.
Parents aren't much help. Mom has always had high expectations in everything I do which kinda made me rebel in the first place... for Dad its all money money money, which is logical and realistic, but I need something more meaningful.
Deep inside, I know that I already have the answer. But a part of me is working so hard to block it out.
Perhaps there will be another option. Go full swing into freelancing, and join the canoeing team that I swore to beat.
Can do music, and got team to train with.
Ahh but I need my stupid boat first!
NTU is really mother far. Though by then I should have bike and it shouldn't be too big of a problem. Design there would help me further contacts and develop my music. But, I could do the exact thing and get paid just freelancing.
SMU is nearer, and can go shop. Workload is retarded. But, project work, research, reports and presentations are a breeze thanks to poly, so that would give me a huge advantage over those silly jc students :p. And even among the poly students, I could accomplish in several hours what the rest spent days working on... cause you can think out of the box for work processes and pipelines too. DMD had one of the heaviest workloads in all the faculties, frickin 3 out of 450 students for my batch were active in ccas because the vast majority couldn't cope. I was one of the three. And the other two only juggled one cca when I did three. I don't think they were all dumb... because the average l1r5 for our batch was... 8-18 points? Okay, some quite jialat, but the better ones still didn't shine much. Louis was an RI GP 6 pointer, yet he frickin dropped out of the course due to workload.
So this should give me a substantial amount of bandwidth to go and play around with ccas - which would be about my main reason to go to uni XD. Sad right? hohoho.
Downside here is, the course will probably only be useful 10-20 years down the road, after I'm done setting up presence in the industry and then only will I be able to set up my own production company to expand my share of the income.
So what now?
At the end of sec four, after calculating the time and energy expenditure and output of the usual routes, and wondering if there was any meaning in life in them, I broke out of the conventional cycle.
Now it seems, I can find meaning in more than one option, which is the cause of this complacency.
Perhaps the main reason why I would want to go to uni, is to stay in contact with people and friends.
It will be the lonely path of the genius again, should I go full swing into freelancing. I don't want to be alone again.
Which is more important?
If I was my old cynical self, the answer would be easy.
There's always a trade-off, sacrifices to be made if you want to achieve great things. This is one lesson that I'm all too familiar with. Yet I've already sacrificed so much, I don't know if I can keep doing it.
Parents aren't much help. Mom has always had high expectations in everything I do which kinda made me rebel in the first place... for Dad its all money money money, which is logical and realistic, but I need something more meaningful.
Deep inside, I know that I already have the answer. But a part of me is working so hard to block it out.
Perhaps there will be another option. Go full swing into freelancing, and join the canoeing team that I swore to beat.
Can do music, and got team to train with.
Ahh but I need my stupid boat first!
Deadline 1 met.
Spent the whole day slacking and storing energy + incubating ideas for the soundtrack then charged for 2 hours past midnight.
But this one was an easy one.
Be more productive tomorrow, me. Working too late at night and waking up early tomorrow means not enough sleep means gym was kinda wasted cause there'll be little/no growth.
:(
Spent the whole day slacking and storing energy + incubating ideas for the soundtrack then charged for 2 hours past midnight.
But this one was an easy one.
Be more productive tomorrow, me. Working too late at night and waking up early tomorrow means not enough sleep means gym was kinda wasted cause there'll be little/no growth.
:(
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
December/Jan accounting:
ARP: 400X2 - Nil work req
ADSEN: 350 - Nil work req
SUN: 110 - Nil work req
SGDISCCTR: 250X2 - complete
TOSPE: 300 - Halfway done
STUDFM: 125X2 - started
TAB: 120 - Quick task
SONY: 180
SGDISCCTR2: 1900
NYE - 350 - Not taking up
Total: 4510
wtf.
I can finally get what I've only dreamed about. My own Nelo boat in macritchie. The one ultimate boat to bring me to the number one spot. No more having to put up with retarded boats.
Hope clarence can get me a good deal.
ARP: 400X2 - Nil work req
ADSEN: 350 - Nil work req
SUN: 110 - Nil work req
SGDISCCTR: 250X2 - complete
TOSPE: 300 - Halfway done
STUDFM: 125X2 - started
TAB: 120 - Quick task
SONY: 180
SGDISCCTR2: 1900
NYE - 350 - Not taking up
Total: 4510
wtf.
I can finally get what I've only dreamed about. My own Nelo boat in macritchie. The one ultimate boat to bring me to the number one spot. No more having to put up with retarded boats.
Hope clarence can get me a good deal.
Of all the genre's I've tackled this year... hip hop, trip hop, rock, jazz, orchestral, electronica, drum and bass, house, jungle, techno, trance, ethnic, funk and everything inbetween... the simplest and most minimal - orchestrated horror has got to be the hardest yet.
Difficult to try to pour fear into an arrangement when you're so good at blocking it out and its so difficult to feel it.
Went back to visit nyp today to discuss next year's dance musical designs. They bought a new baby grand and 3 upright pianos. Which is nice for a trio baby grand piano performance or something along with the existing 2 baby grands, but I'd still prefer if they bought a decent long grand piano.
Walking through school, you remember how promiscuous some girls are, and how daring others are. When a group of fags look at me like that I can ignore them because I know that any time I'd beat the living jesus out of them if they try something stupid. But when a group of girls do, and when one of them is hawt... you slightly forget if you're posture is straight or not.
It was nice taking the elevator up to the student affairs office. The club rooms didn't change much. For the few "elite" and "talented" enough to be accepted into the various clubs and have access to the rooms, block E was where you could hang out and find solace.
Many times I would sneak away during break or class and draw the key into the piano room where that large black baby grand piano waited for me. Even with the doors closed and locked you could hear a little of what the person was playing inside the room. And the air conditioning vents were linked to the girls toilet which was right beside the room.
When you finished playing a piece, and a girl comes out of the toilet after a long absence, you know she's been in there listening to you.
Because more often than not, they think that they've made a connection, and give you a certain look through the glass windows. More daring ones will knock on the panes and ask if there is any upcoming concert. I welcomed the company. It was fascinating to see such reactions to my music.
The reverb inside that medium sized room resonates the sound of the piano so subtlety yet sufficiently to provide a profound ambiance of each crescendo. It was there in that room, that I dared to play my loudest, and felt my music the strongest, because as I played my pieces, the room would mirror back each expression to me at different angles.
I guess you could say that I owe the school so much because it provided me with the opportunities to grow in such profound ways, instead of just going off to slack somewhere or walk around aimlessly.
I was nervous as hell for my first concert, but performance after performance, I soon felt no fear performing in front of 3000+ people in the auditorium for the school's anniversary musicals. It was a level up of nerve control from minding the slightest chair squeek, to being able to smile when a group of charbohs screams your name when you touch the piano keys.
I learned a very important lesson through each performance:
It needs to come in the confidence of your own performance. Doubt yourself, and you'll worry about what they'd think. But know that you'll own the shit out of them with your performance, and you won't have to worry about a thing.
Goes the same about many things in life, eh?
Difficult to try to pour fear into an arrangement when you're so good at blocking it out and its so difficult to feel it.
Went back to visit nyp today to discuss next year's dance musical designs. They bought a new baby grand and 3 upright pianos. Which is nice for a trio baby grand piano performance or something along with the existing 2 baby grands, but I'd still prefer if they bought a decent long grand piano.
Walking through school, you remember how promiscuous some girls are, and how daring others are. When a group of fags look at me like that I can ignore them because I know that any time I'd beat the living jesus out of them if they try something stupid. But when a group of girls do, and when one of them is hawt... you slightly forget if you're posture is straight or not.
It was nice taking the elevator up to the student affairs office. The club rooms didn't change much. For the few "elite" and "talented" enough to be accepted into the various clubs and have access to the rooms, block E was where you could hang out and find solace.
Many times I would sneak away during break or class and draw the key into the piano room where that large black baby grand piano waited for me. Even with the doors closed and locked you could hear a little of what the person was playing inside the room. And the air conditioning vents were linked to the girls toilet which was right beside the room.
When you finished playing a piece, and a girl comes out of the toilet after a long absence, you know she's been in there listening to you.
Because more often than not, they think that they've made a connection, and give you a certain look through the glass windows. More daring ones will knock on the panes and ask if there is any upcoming concert. I welcomed the company. It was fascinating to see such reactions to my music.
The reverb inside that medium sized room resonates the sound of the piano so subtlety yet sufficiently to provide a profound ambiance of each crescendo. It was there in that room, that I dared to play my loudest, and felt my music the strongest, because as I played my pieces, the room would mirror back each expression to me at different angles.
I guess you could say that I owe the school so much because it provided me with the opportunities to grow in such profound ways, instead of just going off to slack somewhere or walk around aimlessly.
I was nervous as hell for my first concert, but performance after performance, I soon felt no fear performing in front of 3000+ people in the auditorium for the school's anniversary musicals. It was a level up of nerve control from minding the slightest chair squeek, to being able to smile when a group of charbohs screams your name when you touch the piano keys.
I learned a very important lesson through each performance:
It needs to come in the confidence of your own performance. Doubt yourself, and you'll worry about what they'd think. But know that you'll own the shit out of them with your performance, and you won't have to worry about a thing.
Goes the same about many things in life, eh?
Monday, December 11, 2006
Was reviewing my videos of Zoukout.
Being taller than the vast majority of the hobbit singaporean population gives you a very unique perspective. Especially when everyone is bopping up and down and you get see all the heads moving. So many of them. They looked like ants.
It was really quite fun la. Clubbing/dancing/drinking is usually not my thing. But the atmosphere was unique indeed. And synchronized dancing to songs never fails to amuse the hell out of me.
Part of me was there for research, part of me wanted to see if I could really get high and have fun. It was fun, but edging a little on dangerous. Its like there are two sides of me that are let out when I drink. One side wants to dance and yell around, and forget about all the stupid persona that I have to upkeep. Another side wants to... fight.
Did some tests. Whether my accuracy would be affected due to impairment of coordination induced by an estimated blood alcohol level of .06 - .09; the ideal state of high without loss of control of behavioral patterns... which would be a catastrophe.
Result was that the target seemed to... move, but it was like hitting a moving target, or a target onboard a rocking ship. Still possible. So, still dangerous.
Anyway with Nitek kia high and the moose just dancing around, it was a relief to be able to carry out a sane conversation with Chris.
Somehow listening to the music again makes me want to go back to yesterday.
Overall I think it was a very successful exercise in massive sociological manipulation to derive profits from.
Sad to say, MOS's strategy of not even bothering to charge for entry for the milkshake event failed to match up to the diversity and atmosphere of the beach.
Being taller than the vast majority of the hobbit singaporean population gives you a very unique perspective. Especially when everyone is bopping up and down and you get see all the heads moving. So many of them. They looked like ants.
It was really quite fun la. Clubbing/dancing/drinking is usually not my thing. But the atmosphere was unique indeed. And synchronized dancing to songs never fails to amuse the hell out of me.
Part of me was there for research, part of me wanted to see if I could really get high and have fun. It was fun, but edging a little on dangerous. Its like there are two sides of me that are let out when I drink. One side wants to dance and yell around, and forget about all the stupid persona that I have to upkeep. Another side wants to... fight.
Did some tests. Whether my accuracy would be affected due to impairment of coordination induced by an estimated blood alcohol level of .06 - .09; the ideal state of high without loss of control of behavioral patterns... which would be a catastrophe.
Result was that the target seemed to... move, but it was like hitting a moving target, or a target onboard a rocking ship. Still possible. So, still dangerous.
Anyway with Nitek kia high and the moose just dancing around, it was a relief to be able to carry out a sane conversation with Chris.
Somehow listening to the music again makes me want to go back to yesterday.
Overall I think it was a very successful exercise in massive sociological manipulation to derive profits from.
Sad to say, MOS's strategy of not even bothering to charge for entry for the milkshake event failed to match up to the diversity and atmosphere of the beach.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
So I guess the cleansing run out of sentosa helped quite abit. I felt like shit while waiting for bike lesson to start, but once it did I felt better and had proper balance. Thank god.
Lane changing.
The new bikes are awesome. CG is lower which means hohoho can tilt more! With my awesome skill in stunt biking previously I managed to accomplish an awesome method of lane changing which involved me swerving to the next lane and accomplishing a lane change in half a second! Centripetal force rocks!
Unfortunately the instructors could not appreciate this awesome skill and called it "abrupt lane changing" and decided to fail me for the lesson! Gays! And I mastered the schizophrenic blind spot checking too.
I think to survive bike lesson you need to drive like a humji gu niang. A schizophrenic humji gu niang.
Had to use the white helmets they provided because a gay was too wasted. And my head stunk of godamn vitalis after that. What faggot uses vitalis in this time and age?!
Made it home in one piece after that to zzzzzzzzz.
My lower shin hurts like hell right now because:
1. They were still injured from muay thai training.
2. The shoes I ran out of sentosa in were NOT made for running.
So yeah, walking is a pain again.
Gymed with CM and dog. Then dinner and exploration of velocity because dog said they had "new reef and volcom singlets at the flash and splash there".
So I got a reef. But I have a sickening feeling that someone already has it, though we all could not remember any of the group having it yet.
CM: I feel satisfaction when I see my muscles growing bigger. Feel like I've accomplished something.
Dog: Its all superficial la, what use does it have?
Me: Kinda like pokemon issit? Bicep is pikachu, tricep is bulbasaur and chest is charizard, then you must train and level up them.
Dog: I feel satisfaction when I run my heart out and overtake the guy infront of me.
CM: Like this got use meh?
Me: I feel satisfaction when my opponent does a turning kick at me, then I shift out of his kick and execute a kick to his head while still in mid air and his leg is fully extended.
Dog: :O
CM: wtf! That's damn violent la!
Me: To each his own...
Lane changing.
The new bikes are awesome. CG is lower which means hohoho can tilt more! With my awesome skill in stunt biking previously I managed to accomplish an awesome method of lane changing which involved me swerving to the next lane and accomplishing a lane change in half a second! Centripetal force rocks!
Unfortunately the instructors could not appreciate this awesome skill and called it "abrupt lane changing" and decided to fail me for the lesson! Gays! And I mastered the schizophrenic blind spot checking too.
I think to survive bike lesson you need to drive like a humji gu niang. A schizophrenic humji gu niang.
Had to use the white helmets they provided because a gay was too wasted. And my head stunk of godamn vitalis after that. What faggot uses vitalis in this time and age?!
Made it home in one piece after that to zzzzzzzzz.
My lower shin hurts like hell right now because:
1. They were still injured from muay thai training.
2. The shoes I ran out of sentosa in were NOT made for running.
So yeah, walking is a pain again.
Gymed with CM and dog. Then dinner and exploration of velocity because dog said they had "new reef and volcom singlets at the flash and splash there".
So I got a reef. But I have a sickening feeling that someone already has it, though we all could not remember any of the group having it yet.
CM: I feel satisfaction when I see my muscles growing bigger. Feel like I've accomplished something.
Dog: Its all superficial la, what use does it have?
Me: Kinda like pokemon issit? Bicep is pikachu, tricep is bulbasaur and chest is charizard, then you must train and level up them.
Dog: I feel satisfaction when I run my heart out and overtake the guy infront of me.
CM: Like this got use meh?
Me: I feel satisfaction when my opponent does a turning kick at me, then I shift out of his kick and execute a kick to his head while still in mid air and his leg is fully extended.
Dog: :O
CM: wtf! That's damn violent la!
Me: To each his own...
Training today...
The vice caps are doing a good job. Dog still abit unsure about how to correct stroke, though. Overall it was as expected.
Went to buy equipment at ting fong then to eat chicken rice at aljunied after that with the dog and moose. The stall that winston, isaac and I used to rush to after training. Those were the good old days.
Met Nitek at the gym, did shoulders. Then Yoshinoya! I remember the days that I used to be crazy about Yoshi. Ahh I should have ate the salmon.
It was then time to do some research on the current music scene.
Warm up was Ministry of sound's milkshake party. Saw Zong Wei and Nick. Nick's with Phantom models, didn't expect that. Music was okay, girls .... ack. Drank 3 shots.
Free entry to Zoukout after that with a 1.78m tall ying ying and the agent. The PSP girls are hot. Godamn. Back to research... djs were okay, interesting transitions from 4/4 to 3/4 beats and varying bpms. DJ Jeff's gig was good because of the mc/rapper.
Went to the toilet and saw... a high Nitek kia. Then the moose.
Moose's greeting was a "hey!" (raises arm and starts dancing to no music whatsoever)
Its interesting how alcohol lets you be the person who you usually restrict yourself from being, usually due to self-consciousness. The ability to talk to people, to follow the crowd, to dance and "let go". People's self confidence improves, and they feel better about themselves. When they feel better, and are less restricted, they "have more fun".
I drank 5 more tequila shots there. And, my blood alcohol should have been high enough to induce a "high" state, should it not? I mean, like 8 shots in total? The stupid nitek and moose wanted to see me drunk, so I thought I'd scare the hell out of them.
But I suppose, my consciousness is too strong.
When you don't need something to feel more confident because... you're usually frickin confident enough? Or when you can enjoy the music abit more, but can't feel much because you're used to deeper music... what happens?
The person whom I restrict myself from being, falls far away from the category that most people fall into.
I see flashes of imaging of hits. Battle imaging so that I will hit the right spot with perfect accuracy. But of course, I stop it there.
Usually I don't have to consciously cut off an image, because that probably happens automatically right at the starting stage.
So yeah, I followed nitek and moose and company around. Probably because it seemed like this group had a high chance of accidentally getting into a fight, then I could .
But instead some people who cannot read their body accurately get wasted, and get sent home hahahahahah.
And I have the videos to prove it. XD
Anyway some smart people who as moose said "thinks he can drink as much as me, due to ego but cannot." And have riding lesson in a few hours time got wasted. So clever right good job!
Anyway my balance was abit cocked up. So I took a cleansing run from the beach out of sentosa before cabbing home.
Right now it is 5:23am. I need to leave home in 1.5 hours time to pick up my helmet and gloves from nitek's house, then he'll probably continue sleeping and miss lesson la.
I dunno. But i'm an awesome guy and will wait for him loh.
I'm afriad to sleep, for fear of waking up with a hang over.
But the run should have done the trick, right?
I dunno. Right now my eyes are so frickin heavy.
zzzzzzzzzz
The vice caps are doing a good job. Dog still abit unsure about how to correct stroke, though. Overall it was as expected.
Went to buy equipment at ting fong then to eat chicken rice at aljunied after that with the dog and moose. The stall that winston, isaac and I used to rush to after training. Those were the good old days.
Met Nitek at the gym, did shoulders. Then Yoshinoya! I remember the days that I used to be crazy about Yoshi. Ahh I should have ate the salmon.
It was then time to do some research on the current music scene.
Warm up was Ministry of sound's milkshake party. Saw Zong Wei and Nick. Nick's with Phantom models, didn't expect that. Music was okay, girls .... ack. Drank 3 shots.
Free entry to Zoukout after that with a 1.78m tall ying ying and the agent. The PSP girls are hot. Godamn. Back to research... djs were okay, interesting transitions from 4/4 to 3/4 beats and varying bpms. DJ Jeff's gig was good because of the mc/rapper.
Went to the toilet and saw... a high Nitek kia. Then the moose.
Moose's greeting was a "hey!" (raises arm and starts dancing to no music whatsoever)
Its interesting how alcohol lets you be the person who you usually restrict yourself from being, usually due to self-consciousness. The ability to talk to people, to follow the crowd, to dance and "let go". People's self confidence improves, and they feel better about themselves. When they feel better, and are less restricted, they "have more fun".
I drank 5 more tequila shots there. And, my blood alcohol should have been high enough to induce a "high" state, should it not? I mean, like 8 shots in total? The stupid nitek and moose wanted to see me drunk, so I thought I'd scare the hell out of them.
But I suppose, my consciousness is too strong.
When you don't need something to feel more confident because... you're usually frickin confident enough? Or when you can enjoy the music abit more, but can't feel much because you're used to deeper music... what happens?
The person whom I restrict myself from being, falls far away from the category that most people fall into.
I see flashes of imaging of hits. Battle imaging so that I will hit the right spot with perfect accuracy. But of course, I stop it there.
Usually I don't have to consciously cut off an image, because that probably happens automatically right at the starting stage.
So yeah, I followed nitek and moose and company around. Probably because it seemed like this group had a high chance of accidentally getting into a fight, then I could .
But instead some people who cannot read their body accurately get wasted, and get sent home hahahahahah.
And I have the videos to prove it. XD
Anyway some smart people who as moose said "thinks he can drink as much as me, due to ego but cannot." And have riding lesson in a few hours time got wasted. So clever right good job!
Anyway my balance was abit cocked up. So I took a cleansing run from the beach out of sentosa before cabbing home.
Right now it is 5:23am. I need to leave home in 1.5 hours time to pick up my helmet and gloves from nitek's house, then he'll probably continue sleeping and miss lesson la.
I dunno. But i'm an awesome guy and will wait for him loh.
I'm afriad to sleep, for fear of waking up with a hang over.
But the run should have done the trick, right?
I dunno. Right now my eyes are so frickin heavy.
zzzzzzzzzz
Friday, December 08, 2006
| 12/8/2006 | 10:22:26 PM | rents | Reu | i got an idea | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:22:33 PM | rents | Reu | we go at 7am | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:22:36 PM | rents | Reu | before nyp comes | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:22:39 PM | rents | Reu | den we row to merlion | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:22:43 PM | rents | Reu | den we hide under e fountain | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:22:55 PM | rents | Reu | den we go back reach sdba just nice 10 | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:28:57 PM | Reu | rents | ..... | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:28:59 PM | Reu | rents | sunday la | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:29:11 PM | Reu | rents | they need the boats at 9 | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:29:17 PM | rents | Reu | no they dont | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:29:22 PM | rents | Reu | i hardly see any k1s around | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:29:30 PM | rents | Reu | AAARRGGH | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:29:35 PM | rents | Reu | today i at mac runnin | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:29:37 PM | Reu | rents | lol | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:29:38 PM | rents | Reu | saw ac rowin | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:29:39 PM | Reu | rents | then? | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:29:42 PM | Reu | rents | haha | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:29:46 PM | rents | Reu | it feels like a fuckin addiction | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:29:50 PM | rents | Reu | u dun understand | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:29:52 PM | rents | Reu | i get cramps | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:29:56 PM | rents | Reu | withdrawal symptons | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:29:59 PM | rents | Reu | i | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:30:00 PM | Reu | rents | I know how you feel la | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:30:00 PM | rents | Reu | need | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:30:01 PM | rents | Reu | to | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:30:04 PM | rents | Reu | canoe!!!!!!!!!!! | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:30:06 PM | rents | Reu | fuck | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:30:07 PM | Reu | rents | I used to gian also | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:30:11 PM | Reu | rents | until I got the key | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:30:13 PM | Reu | rents | then can go anytime | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:30:16 PM | Reu | rents | then I sian oledi | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:30:17 PM | Reu | rents | hahaha | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:30:29 PM | rents | Reu | FUCKER |
My dog has great passion.
| 12/8/2006 | 10:32:02 PM | rents | Reu | im gonna talk to yong | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:32:07 PM | rents | Reu | try and hold his balls abit | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:32:36 PM | Reu | rents | ................... | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:32:49 PM | Reu | rents | you should talk to him la | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:32:53 PM | Reu | rents | ease sean's conscience too | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:33:05 PM | rents | Reu | e fucker is impossible to talk to | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:33:09 PM | rents | Reu | unless u act all holy and noble | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:33:11 PM | rents | Reu | like melvin heng | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:34:30 PM | rents | Reu | "i finally realise the err of my ways in jc. i was selfish and a superstar and didnt care for my teammates. now as safsa dragonboat trainer, i want to make a difference. and push the team to its limits and teach them the true meanin of heart and soul.' | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:34:36 PM | Reu | rents | XD | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:34:50 PM | rents | Reu | yong read us the fuckin sms 4 or5 times | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:34:52 PM | Reu | rents | but he | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:34:53 PM | Reu | rents | still | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:34:54 PM | rents | Reu | and he cried la | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:34:55 PM | Reu | rents | act like | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:34:56 PM | Reu | rents | superstar | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:34:57 PM | Reu | rents | in | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:34:58 PM | Reu | rents | safsa | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:35:01 PM | rents | Reu | melvin a cheebai la | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:35:03 PM | rents | Reu | after that | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:35:05 PM | rents | Reu | he go back row | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:35:08 PM | rents | Reu | yong give him key | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:35:10 PM | rents | Reu | nabei | ||||
| 12/8/2006 | 10:35:12 PM | Reu | rents | lol |
Although I may joke about mh... there are times when I miss canoeing with him. He was probably the first friend I made in the team, because... we were the only 'proper' ex-canoeists and very gian for training partner.... and my egotistical self saw the seniors no up because their pullups sucked and their so-called fastest individual boat paddler was at the half way mark when I finished.
Mh I could see up, because in the k1, he could pull his weight, he could last, his technique was there.
But anyway, not all the seniors were there for the individual boat training. The better ones were the quiet ones, the less 'popular' ones, who in a way didn't try to compensate for their lack of standard with their mouths. The kind that would wait and lend a hand to a teammate who fell down.... INSTEAD OF GOING ON TO LESSON TWO BY THEIR OWN SELVES. TEAMMATES WHO HAVE COMPASSION AND PATIENCE.
I for one would wait loh. But that aside, its funny how you hear about all these horrendous things someone is doing. And the right thing to say falls short from coming out of your mouth because when you think about it... you've actually done worse things. And that sucks.
I did 3 tracks today.
How awesomely productive is that? But they're simply shit background tracks so its not a big deal.
Bike on sunday morning... 830am? That means I need to leave at 730am? Wake up at 7am wtf? wtf? wtf?
Lesson today... Dunno what to day about this except I know I wasn't that screwed up.
And I suspected something was wrong when i checked the front of the book and it said lesson 1 completed but the topics page didn't tally. A check with the website concluded that I indeed had not shamed my clan this day and hence need not commit seppuku.
There is a misconception that I can take out my frustrations in the dojo. I can only allow myself to release a little bit of tension in a controlled manner, less there be blood shed. The only way I can explain what I feel is to compare it to stopping right before orgasm.
Despite the wraps and gloves... my knuckles were still red for some reason.
No noobs in the fighting squad during practice today for some reason. Only Fai and Ant, the more senior fighters who are flying off to thailand for training camp on sunday. Fai is probably the only guy around CA who has a chance of taking me down. Former silat national team, extremely aggressive frontal attacker. Very tempted to have a round with him, to see if my reversals are fast enough. Our styles are completely opposite.
Fai's front push kick is extremely powerful and he concentrates alot on forward linear attack combos. Mixing up with kicks to the side.
I on the other hand combo into lateral movements, curving around the opponent. I mix up with front push kick/turning kicks to abuse range.
So it boils down to who moves/reacts faster. Will he be able to thrust in before I side step, will he be able to push in fast enough after guarding my kick?
Did padwork with them. His push kick is quite scary... made Ant fly back 1 metre with full brace with on the target - kinda like something out of an anime. I had to grit my teeth to hold against his impact. But... as he knows too... he revs up too much power for the kick and its slow. An experienced fighter will be able to side step from the kick before impact.
Argh... fighting is making me skinny.
And I suspected something was wrong when i checked the front of the book and it said lesson 1 completed but the topics page didn't tally. A check with the website concluded that I indeed had not shamed my clan this day and hence need not commit seppuku.
There is a misconception that I can take out my frustrations in the dojo. I can only allow myself to release a little bit of tension in a controlled manner, less there be blood shed. The only way I can explain what I feel is to compare it to stopping right before orgasm.
Despite the wraps and gloves... my knuckles were still red for some reason.
No noobs in the fighting squad during practice today for some reason. Only Fai and Ant, the more senior fighters who are flying off to thailand for training camp on sunday. Fai is probably the only guy around CA who has a chance of taking me down. Former silat national team, extremely aggressive frontal attacker. Very tempted to have a round with him, to see if my reversals are fast enough. Our styles are completely opposite.
Fai's front push kick is extremely powerful and he concentrates alot on forward linear attack combos. Mixing up with kicks to the side.
I on the other hand combo into lateral movements, curving around the opponent. I mix up with front push kick/turning kicks to abuse range.
So it boils down to who moves/reacts faster. Will he be able to thrust in before I side step, will he be able to push in fast enough after guarding my kick?
Did padwork with them. His push kick is quite scary... made Ant fly back 1 metre with full brace with on the target - kinda like something out of an anime. I had to grit my teeth to hold against his impact. But... as he knows too... he revs up too much power for the kick and its slow. An experienced fighter will be able to side step from the kick before impact.
Argh... fighting is making me skinny.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
I shall be the most awesome productive designer/composer there is as of today.
Accounting for this month...
ARP: 400 - Nil work req
ADSEN: 350 - Nil work req
SUN:110 - Nil work req
SGDISCCTR: 250 - Almost complete
TOSPE: 300 - Halfway done
STUDFM: 125 - To be started
TAB: 120 - Quick task
NYE - 350 - Undecided to take up or not
Total: 2005
Ugh... Dec is supposed to be lull period but it seems to be the opposite for me.
Work work...
Accounting for this month...
ARP: 400 - Nil work req
ADSEN: 350 - Nil work req
SUN:110 - Nil work req
SGDISCCTR: 250 - Almost complete
TOSPE: 300 - Halfway done
STUDFM: 125 - To be started
TAB: 120 - Quick task
NYE - 350 - Undecided to take up or not
Total: 2005
Ugh... Dec is supposed to be lull period but it seems to be the opposite for me.
Work work...
This day hath been wasted on Dota.
Its been how many years and the stupid thing is still so fun. If only icefrog would stop coming up with updates with new characters and stuff so I wouldn't keep coming back for more.
Gym today with dog and hamster then went to meet Hong.
It really bewilders me how some people with such high iq can have such low eq. Its fantastically illogical yet somehow, I suppose, proportionate.
Its funny how things have changed. Couple of years ago I would follow this senior around for extra trainings comprised of swimming/gym/running. His standard seemed to be untouchable. But now, the tables have turned... especially since the bugger decided to nua away in uni like a chao nerd. I know that not only in physical/fitness aspects, but in other ways am I able to stand my own ground next to him.
I am grateful for him pointing me in the right direction more than once in the past when I couldn't find the way. But now I am able to chart my own way points.
Kinda scary when I think about my other mentors. After the first one's advice that "as long as you follow someone, you will always be behind him." I have made it a point to go beyond the level of each of my mentors. For one of them, I seem to have also destroyed his path where it clashed with mine. Another one was... put in a very difficult spot, to say the least. Its quite scary when we're dealing with stuff besides technique/skill/fitness. Instead, team management, pr skills, influence and... indirect coercion.
I think I'm quite an asshole. But not to all la. Not all were challenged in such a manner.
I guess you could look at it as me just challenging them as they did me. I always do allow for solutions for my challenges, so its not my fault.
Ahh but Hong is different, as easy as it would be to, I'd never want to put him into such a spot because I see him more as a friend. Friends I will not touch... for the moment at least.
Kidding.
So anyway we watched Saw 3.
And boy was that a mistake. Very sick impression that left. Should have listened to him and watched Casino Royale instead.
Listening to him today made me wonder if the cynic will ever find true love? Being a cynic and being a lover are two opposite ends of the rod. Which makes me worry for myself. And I mean a real lover, not just a sex buddy godamnit.
Hamster asked about uni today. I'm still not sure. It seems as though right now he lives his life like transport tycoon or in his case.... gta... where money or the treasury is some high score which you can base success on. Actually he would say that its a means to an end.
But I can't find gratification in that alone. I always needed more than the cash, the grades, the paper, the qualification to feel satisfied. But I'm not sure what exactly will please me. I tell people that I will feel happy when someone hears my music and can really feel what I'm trying to say. But nowadays even the fan mail is losing its meaning to me. What the heck do I want?
So the game plan for next year's path has more or less been set.
I need to have the confidence that I can do what I want to do better than someone who has the paper who says that he can do it. Its been proven time and time again.
But there's still a variable that I haven't included in the equation yet. I still can't put my finger on what the heck it is.
And it will be sad to not be able to follow friends into uni again. Why is the path of a genius such a lonely one? Haha.
Its because if everyone was on that path, geniuses would be common, then there would be no point in having geniuses, would there?
Yeah la, stupid ego of mine.
Its been how many years and the stupid thing is still so fun. If only icefrog would stop coming up with updates with new characters and stuff so I wouldn't keep coming back for more.
Gym today with dog and hamster then went to meet Hong.
It really bewilders me how some people with such high iq can have such low eq. Its fantastically illogical yet somehow, I suppose, proportionate.
Its funny how things have changed. Couple of years ago I would follow this senior around for extra trainings comprised of swimming/gym/running. His standard seemed to be untouchable. But now, the tables have turned... especially since the bugger decided to nua away in uni like a chao nerd. I know that not only in physical/fitness aspects, but in other ways am I able to stand my own ground next to him.
I am grateful for him pointing me in the right direction more than once in the past when I couldn't find the way. But now I am able to chart my own way points.
Kinda scary when I think about my other mentors. After the first one's advice that "as long as you follow someone, you will always be behind him." I have made it a point to go beyond the level of each of my mentors. For one of them, I seem to have also destroyed his path where it clashed with mine. Another one was... put in a very difficult spot, to say the least. Its quite scary when we're dealing with stuff besides technique/skill/fitness. Instead, team management, pr skills, influence and... indirect coercion.
I think I'm quite an asshole. But not to all la. Not all were challenged in such a manner.
I guess you could look at it as me just challenging them as they did me. I always do allow for solutions for my challenges, so its not my fault.
Ahh but Hong is different, as easy as it would be to, I'd never want to put him into such a spot because I see him more as a friend. Friends I will not touch... for the moment at least.
Kidding.
So anyway we watched Saw 3.
And boy was that a mistake. Very sick impression that left. Should have listened to him and watched Casino Royale instead.
Listening to him today made me wonder if the cynic will ever find true love? Being a cynic and being a lover are two opposite ends of the rod. Which makes me worry for myself. And I mean a real lover, not just a sex buddy godamnit.
Hamster asked about uni today. I'm still not sure. It seems as though right now he lives his life like transport tycoon or in his case.... gta... where money or the treasury is some high score which you can base success on. Actually he would say that its a means to an end.
But I can't find gratification in that alone. I always needed more than the cash, the grades, the paper, the qualification to feel satisfied. But I'm not sure what exactly will please me. I tell people that I will feel happy when someone hears my music and can really feel what I'm trying to say. But nowadays even the fan mail is losing its meaning to me. What the heck do I want?
So the game plan for next year's path has more or less been set.
I need to have the confidence that I can do what I want to do better than someone who has the paper who says that he can do it. Its been proven time and time again.
But there's still a variable that I haven't included in the equation yet. I still can't put my finger on what the heck it is.
And it will be sad to not be able to follow friends into uni again. Why is the path of a genius such a lonely one? Haha.
Its because if everyone was on that path, geniuses would be common, then there would be no point in having geniuses, would there?
Yeah la, stupid ego of mine.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Note to self: Don't try to get up from the chair while doing arnold presses as the weight will seem to get heavier very suddenly and shoulder may dislocate.
And I'm getting quite annoyed at myself for being later and later for meetings and appointments. I think I've been influenced by the wrong people. It shows lack of discipline and flaw in character when you cannot hold to a target or goal.
K whatever. Sleep.
And I'm getting quite annoyed at myself for being later and later for meetings and appointments. I think I've been influenced by the wrong people. It shows lack of discipline and flaw in character when you cannot hold to a target or goal.
K whatever. Sleep.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Interview today for next year's trip.
I suppose it'll be a good chance to use my ambassadorial position to create a presence and stage for my music. Which is what they said too. As if I'm supposed to believe that they have good intentions for me. Heh. Whatever la... if Julian Hee could put up with this, I guess I can too.
It was interesting seeing the agent so scared and respectful to the big boss gay. He carried himself with an aura of power, but I didn't quite give a damn.
Maybe its another feeling that's been filtered out - fear. In meetings and presentations with lt cols and cols, I've often been amused at how the lts and cpts look so scared and are so excessively careful. Then I'd just talk normally.
Anyway, I do give the required amount of respect... I just don't suck up. Maybe its the rebel in me. Maybe its because I don't see these guys of any higher caliber than me. I don't give a shit about your job or status or rank. If you're good at something and I see it, then I will respect you. Until then, your rank or status means shit.
Bumped into two ah bengs on the way to gym just now. But it seems Bishan is a safe place to live in afterall! Good job, Bishan!
However, as there was no outlet, I ended up with the affinity to inanimate objects again. -_-
Didn't want to scare CM's friend though, so had to control like hell...
And I really feel sad for people who think that smoking is 'cool'. I'm sure coating your lungs with shit is cool and speeding up your ord date for life. Why is it some people can't think logically? Are they really that stupid? Its so puzzling!
Ahh but the compassionate side of me says that they cannot help it because they are victimized and addicted and lack the willpower and fighting spirit to quit. Poor things... ;_;
I think I just really need to go and pick a fight.
I better stay indoors for tonight.
I suppose it'll be a good chance to use my ambassadorial position to create a presence and stage for my music. Which is what they said too. As if I'm supposed to believe that they have good intentions for me. Heh. Whatever la... if Julian Hee could put up with this, I guess I can too.
It was interesting seeing the agent so scared and respectful to the big boss gay. He carried himself with an aura of power, but I didn't quite give a damn.
Maybe its another feeling that's been filtered out - fear. In meetings and presentations with lt cols and cols, I've often been amused at how the lts and cpts look so scared and are so excessively careful. Then I'd just talk normally.
Anyway, I do give the required amount of respect... I just don't suck up. Maybe its the rebel in me. Maybe its because I don't see these guys of any higher caliber than me. I don't give a shit about your job or status or rank. If you're good at something and I see it, then I will respect you. Until then, your rank or status means shit.
Bumped into two ah bengs on the way to gym just now. But it seems Bishan is a safe place to live in afterall! Good job, Bishan!
However, as there was no outlet, I ended up with the affinity to inanimate objects again. -_-
Didn't want to scare CM's friend though, so had to control like hell...
And I really feel sad for people who think that smoking is 'cool'. I'm sure coating your lungs with shit is cool and speeding up your ord date for life. Why is it some people can't think logically? Are they really that stupid? Its so puzzling!
Ahh but the compassionate side of me says that they cannot help it because they are victimized and addicted and lack the willpower and fighting spirit to quit. Poor things... ;_;
I think I just really need to go and pick a fight.
I better stay indoors for tonight.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
I really must thank my friend from France, Anthony.
Once in a long, time there will be a piece of music which manages to capture such strong emotion. When I heard it, I was shocked that I was moved to tears right there in the bus.
I had been searching for so long, that I had given up. After a certain point of time listening to all sorts of genres and compositions, I thought I'd heard it all. I thought that there would never be a piece of music that could present me with a new experience, and the joy of discovering a new fantastic piece would forever be a part of my past.
Perhaps for me it is significant to look for emotions in music, because I filter so much of my own emotions consciously and sub-consciously. Feeling emotions through a song is an excuse for me to feel at all, because its nothing personal, therefore, no weakness will be shown, no vulnerability exposed.
Anger and an overly psyched up state disrupt performance and critical thinking.
Sadness prevents one from raising himself to an optimal state of performance.
Disappointment means that I was the one who made the mistake in expecting too much in that person or situation, therefore it is important to learn, but useless to dwell on the emotion.
I have forgotten how some of these things feel like, for others, it is at times a battle to control.
But being unfeeling is a terrible state to be in. Which is why I search. In music, its not personal. The piece has a story to tell, a goal, and objective, and you can feel for it for that brief period. And for that brief period, I can remember what it is like to be "human" again. But when the piece ends, its over. No harm was done, no vulnerability exposed, but I got away with the joy of feeling for that short time.
Perhaps this is my drive for music and composing. This is why it means so much to me. This is why so many things that can interest other people do not appeal to me. And this is why, I cannot expect anyone else to be able to truly understand me.
If someone could step in my world for a few moments, they would feel sick to the stomach. Because that is how I feel at times. So sick until an overwhelming numbness needs to wash over you to keep you sane.
Overall I am a fairly logical person. Every process, pipeline, function will be tailored and optimized for its specific goal. There are branches that I am willing to sacrifice that the average person will not. I am not as talented as many people, so I need to optimize more in order to out-perform or get on par with them. Some people will do what it takes to make up for their inferiority complexes, I will go the extra mile.
But I have discovered that I have one thing that most people do not combine with their desire; the ability to think "out of the box."
With desire, the creativity to do things in unusual but better ways, and the willingness to sacrifice so much to achieve my goals, I can finally achieve a satisfactory rate of progress.
Most people utilize one of these forces at a time, or at times, two. But when you add all three dimensions together, you can see and understand so much more.
Spent the day working on the national education rap for singapore discovery centre's musical to be performed in various secondary schools next year as part of their national education curriculum.
I really really hate being the one sowing propaganda, but what the heck. I still want to do the soundtrack for ndp some day.
Went canoeing with the dog at kallang after that. Took two k1s and brought through my route past the merlion. The waters were eerily calm in the evening. None of the usual waves outside of shears bridge. Past the esplanade it was so calm it almost looked like jelly.
But the climax of the trip was canoeing right through the spittle of the merlion. That's a once in a lifetime experience. Tourists snapping and taking video all over the place haha. How often can you canoe under the spittle of a national icon?
Experimented with new strokes on the way back, discovered the usefulness of the top hand press down stroke, which allows the pulling arm and lat to relax completely, yet maintain a very low cycle with very high power.
Sprinted against the dog for the last 100m. Gave him about 2 seconds head start but ended up one boat in front of him :p His long pull is damn good but acceleration still sucks la haha.
Rushed down to bishan gym in a cab to meet the moose, but turns out the idiot fell asleep!
Dinner at ksl after that. Dog's been learning alot, which is reassuring. Having him planning the training programme and leading will be the first step. The actual leading part will be the hardest part for him, though.
Both of us bitching about how lousy our ex-teams are right now. Its sad that I can no longer feel as much as I did for "team singapore". Too many factors need to be tweaked, and as much as it would be possible for me, I still do not have the energy to reformat everything, and the next phase of life is still so uncertain.
I was hoping that the dog would trash me in k1 today and re-awaken my desire to canoe, but he didn't, and instead we discovered a new aspect to technique play which is more interesting.
Once in a long, time there will be a piece of music which manages to capture such strong emotion. When I heard it, I was shocked that I was moved to tears right there in the bus.
I had been searching for so long, that I had given up. After a certain point of time listening to all sorts of genres and compositions, I thought I'd heard it all. I thought that there would never be a piece of music that could present me with a new experience, and the joy of discovering a new fantastic piece would forever be a part of my past.
Perhaps for me it is significant to look for emotions in music, because I filter so much of my own emotions consciously and sub-consciously. Feeling emotions through a song is an excuse for me to feel at all, because its nothing personal, therefore, no weakness will be shown, no vulnerability exposed.
Anger and an overly psyched up state disrupt performance and critical thinking.
Sadness prevents one from raising himself to an optimal state of performance.
Disappointment means that I was the one who made the mistake in expecting too much in that person or situation, therefore it is important to learn, but useless to dwell on the emotion.
I have forgotten how some of these things feel like, for others, it is at times a battle to control.
But being unfeeling is a terrible state to be in. Which is why I search. In music, its not personal. The piece has a story to tell, a goal, and objective, and you can feel for it for that brief period. And for that brief period, I can remember what it is like to be "human" again. But when the piece ends, its over. No harm was done, no vulnerability exposed, but I got away with the joy of feeling for that short time.
Perhaps this is my drive for music and composing. This is why it means so much to me. This is why so many things that can interest other people do not appeal to me. And this is why, I cannot expect anyone else to be able to truly understand me.
If someone could step in my world for a few moments, they would feel sick to the stomach. Because that is how I feel at times. So sick until an overwhelming numbness needs to wash over you to keep you sane.
Overall I am a fairly logical person. Every process, pipeline, function will be tailored and optimized for its specific goal. There are branches that I am willing to sacrifice that the average person will not. I am not as talented as many people, so I need to optimize more in order to out-perform or get on par with them. Some people will do what it takes to make up for their inferiority complexes, I will go the extra mile.
But I have discovered that I have one thing that most people do not combine with their desire; the ability to think "out of the box."
With desire, the creativity to do things in unusual but better ways, and the willingness to sacrifice so much to achieve my goals, I can finally achieve a satisfactory rate of progress.
Most people utilize one of these forces at a time, or at times, two. But when you add all three dimensions together, you can see and understand so much more.
Spent the day working on the national education rap for singapore discovery centre's musical to be performed in various secondary schools next year as part of their national education curriculum.
I really really hate being the one sowing propaganda, but what the heck. I still want to do the soundtrack for ndp some day.
Went canoeing with the dog at kallang after that. Took two k1s and brought through my route past the merlion. The waters were eerily calm in the evening. None of the usual waves outside of shears bridge. Past the esplanade it was so calm it almost looked like jelly.
But the climax of the trip was canoeing right through the spittle of the merlion. That's a once in a lifetime experience. Tourists snapping and taking video all over the place haha. How often can you canoe under the spittle of a national icon?
Experimented with new strokes on the way back, discovered the usefulness of the top hand press down stroke, which allows the pulling arm and lat to relax completely, yet maintain a very low cycle with very high power.
Sprinted against the dog for the last 100m. Gave him about 2 seconds head start but ended up one boat in front of him :p His long pull is damn good but acceleration still sucks la haha.
Rushed down to bishan gym in a cab to meet the moose, but turns out the idiot fell asleep!
Dinner at ksl after that. Dog's been learning alot, which is reassuring. Having him planning the training programme and leading will be the first step. The actual leading part will be the hardest part for him, though.
Both of us bitching about how lousy our ex-teams are right now. Its sad that I can no longer feel as much as I did for "team singapore". Too many factors need to be tweaked, and as much as it would be possible for me, I still do not have the energy to reformat everything, and the next phase of life is still so uncertain.
I was hoping that the dog would trash me in k1 today and re-awaken my desire to canoe, but he didn't, and instead we discovered a new aspect to technique play which is more interesting.
Fitness tests today.
Surprisingly... 2 weeks of no pullups hasn't let it drop too much. 3-6 second interval pull ups score, 23... no cheating possible cause of the long pause, and next highest by the moose was 18.
Anyway I should get back to training that or I'll never reach 50.
Lunch with the dog and moose and ksl, then... high tea at aji at imm.
The place has quite expensive stuff... and quite nice stuff.... and we could order whatever the hell we wanted... wah piang, don't know how to describe it. Firstly the Ramen was damn good, so was the beef, and omg everything la... except the moose's baby octopus nonsense. Moose held the high score of ordering ala carte until about 50 bucks. The 3 of us chocked up over a hundred plus bucks in total, and I can't remember the last time I felt so full was. Damn funny.
And, I got the point of contact for warner music.
Work after that.
Ok I can't quite think of anything else right now because despite it being 3am, just thinking of the damned high tea has made me insanely hungry again.
Surprisingly... 2 weeks of no pullups hasn't let it drop too much. 3-6 second interval pull ups score, 23... no cheating possible cause of the long pause, and next highest by the moose was 18.
Anyway I should get back to training that or I'll never reach 50.
Lunch with the dog and moose and ksl, then... high tea at aji at imm.
The place has quite expensive stuff... and quite nice stuff.... and we could order whatever the hell we wanted... wah piang, don't know how to describe it. Firstly the Ramen was damn good, so was the beef, and omg everything la... except the moose's baby octopus nonsense. Moose held the high score of ordering ala carte until about 50 bucks. The 3 of us chocked up over a hundred plus bucks in total, and I can't remember the last time I felt so full was. Damn funny.
And, I got the point of contact for warner music.
Work after that.
Ok I can't quite think of anything else right now because despite it being 3am, just thinking of the damned high tea has made me insanely hungry again.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Tonight's run: 21:01 mins
Long easy run.
Was trying to open my auxiliary wrist pouch to fit my mp3 player before the run, and it was stuck. After prying it open with my pocket knife I found... 2 dollars from the last run with a fat hamster to prata house.
It sucks going for long runs alone. Damn boring. But one partner has a volatile exploding eyeball, another isn't home yet, and the last... tore his stupid ligament.
Its not like canoeing long d when you are out there alone, right in the middle of the singapore river, the esplanade on one side with curious tourists pointing at you. Currents rushing at you every now and then, threatening to capsize you, in which case you're only hope would be that some police boat or river taxi chance by and help you out, or else its at least a 2 hour swim while tugging the boat back to kallang basin.
Your boat is rocking like hell, you feel your heart racing, but you know that you need to calm the hell down and relax or else you're chances of capsizing will be higher. Forcing yourself to calm down in the middle of that shit, takes time and practice. But when you can do it, you know that you can do it anytime.
In all that crazy danger, you can find peace. I think that's what makes it worthwhile. That untouched spot in the middle of a hurricane means so much more than a lazy day around the neighborhood.
I have a stack of scripts and notes to go through for work - almost the size of half a text book. All I can say is, I'm damn glad that I learned speed reading from Dr Shirani.
Long easy run.
Was trying to open my auxiliary wrist pouch to fit my mp3 player before the run, and it was stuck. After prying it open with my pocket knife I found... 2 dollars from the last run with a fat hamster to prata house.
It sucks going for long runs alone. Damn boring. But one partner has a volatile exploding eyeball, another isn't home yet, and the last... tore his stupid ligament.
Its not like canoeing long d when you are out there alone, right in the middle of the singapore river, the esplanade on one side with curious tourists pointing at you. Currents rushing at you every now and then, threatening to capsize you, in which case you're only hope would be that some police boat or river taxi chance by and help you out, or else its at least a 2 hour swim while tugging the boat back to kallang basin.
Your boat is rocking like hell, you feel your heart racing, but you know that you need to calm the hell down and relax or else you're chances of capsizing will be higher. Forcing yourself to calm down in the middle of that shit, takes time and practice. But when you can do it, you know that you can do it anytime.
In all that crazy danger, you can find peace. I think that's what makes it worthwhile. That untouched spot in the middle of a hurricane means so much more than a lazy day around the neighborhood.
I have a stack of scripts and notes to go through for work - almost the size of half a text book. All I can say is, I'm damn glad that I learned speed reading from Dr Shirani.
Friday, December 01, 2006
You know that you're a closeted geek when you browse through catalogs for sitex and find your heart beating faster than usual.
Remedial gym training in the morning. Bench presses at the unguided bench. Aaron damn funny, he was damn worried that I would drop the weight on myself or something. Which is good, just in case something did go wrong, but luckily nothing did. It was only 20kg per side anyway.
There are times when I just want to tell the parents what is going on, what I am planning to do, and what I did after Os. Perhaps in time, things will heal. Its not like they can stop me, anyway. Am I proud of what I did? In some ways, yes, in some ways, no.
Perhaps I see no point, and nothing to be gained by doing so. If there is no merit, resources put into the process will be wasted.
I can be whoever I want to be, whenever I want to be. And such vagueness in a person's character scares people. People want security through a constant reflection of themselves in other people. If the mirror keeps changing and distorting, they will feel uncomfortable, because their self identity will be questioned, and it will bruise their ego and pride.
Mom's imitation of me was thoroughly amusing, though. "Everything's fine, everything's fine. Drop dead on the floor also everything's fine."
Sigh.
Need to run.
Remedial gym training in the morning. Bench presses at the unguided bench. Aaron damn funny, he was damn worried that I would drop the weight on myself or something. Which is good, just in case something did go wrong, but luckily nothing did. It was only 20kg per side anyway.
There are times when I just want to tell the parents what is going on, what I am planning to do, and what I did after Os. Perhaps in time, things will heal. Its not like they can stop me, anyway. Am I proud of what I did? In some ways, yes, in some ways, no.
Perhaps I see no point, and nothing to be gained by doing so. If there is no merit, resources put into the process will be wasted.
I can be whoever I want to be, whenever I want to be. And such vagueness in a person's character scares people. People want security through a constant reflection of themselves in other people. If the mirror keeps changing and distorting, they will feel uncomfortable, because their self identity will be questioned, and it will bruise their ego and pride.
Mom's imitation of me was thoroughly amusing, though. "Everything's fine, everything's fine. Drop dead on the floor also everything's fine."
Sigh.
Need to run.
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