Burn out.

Seems like last week's sickness has left me with abit of a challenge trying to claw my way back up in terms or training and work.

Need to find the will again, waking up at 6:00am tomorrow... go down to kallang to row before work.

Rushed down to school to meet the film groups to look at their first drafts before finalizing any arrangements for their short films. Quite interesting... it seems the "in" thing for this year's batch is "voiceovers" lots and lots of them.

Due to that couldn't meet up with the dragonboaters or canoeists for training, so came home to wack weights.

Had a good session hell yeah, yesterday's 8 sets of 10 pullups have my biceps a little sore... boy am I out of it.

I'm going to have to get back to my 100 pullups routine. Then get running back on track... carefully.

Too much to do argh... I'm stressing out... a little. Heh. Need to get things into perspective, discipline back up, hell yeah, babey.

11:40pm:

Just finished a 4km run to try and get my sorry ass back into shape for being sick and slacking off the whole week.

I almost broke out into a stitch! Yuck!

Rowing tomorrow, hopefully I won't break out into a coughing fit.


Went to church today, climbed on some construction poles, that was fun.

I realize I'm not a very outgoing person... like... making plans to walk around orchard road or any indecisive plans make me wanna go home and do something constructive... like work on music or play some game; or go train.

Blah... dead tired... nites.

Stupid ghey musicals and their stupid happy singing argh.....

Screw the orchestral arrangement, I'm breaking everything down and going piano centralized instrumental.

I hope Makio was right about my style for sung pieces being somewhat romantic... blargh, if american idol can botch "tomorrow"s arrangement so can I.

Well this is my 3rd day on mc. I dunno when was the last time I was sick bad enough for 3 days mc.

Anyway, Dr Looi upgrade all the medication, I guess I was too strong for the previous batch or something... now with the level upped medicine I think this should get better. Almost had to get a blood test or something but thankfully the fever wasn't that high this morning.

He recommended a cup of water every hour... crazy doctor.

Haida and Winston are sick too, exact same symptoms, I wonder who passed it to who and who else is sick. Sheesh.

Anyway this is a nice break.

Having a real headeache for this musical medley. This genre is so.... romantic, I wanna change it somehow, but not sure if it would suit the section. *sigh*

Oh well, will have to experiment.

Fever's subsiding... still feel abit crappy tho.

Working on the medley of musical pieces for NYP's 12 anniversary musical at the moment.

Who on earth composed these pieces anyway? Fricking insane... chords jumping around and so many chord changes, blargh, this is going to be my most challenging arrangement yet, but its so going to kick ass.

Fever's back, feel like crap, sprained my back rushing through a warmup set.

>_<

I'm just glad this nonsense hit me today and not during the race. But in the evening when we went to marina south for steamboatbbq, could feel it coming already... but what to do, won't miss this last dinner with some of the team.

Alot of stuff happened yesterday... The races, the analysis, the speculation. But when it came down to it, the team bonded together in the boat like never before, so I guess I'm happy for that. But unfortunately it was too late. This year is lucky number 4 for us I guess. When we came up and I saw Roy there with Boon San, Jing tien and Weiwen, I couldn't look him in the eye, I couldn't talk to him.

Heh, I guess I shouldn't be blaming myself, but in ways I should. I can't help but feel that I should have done more to help try to forge the team together as a senior. I'm always reminded that I'm the sole survivor out of the 120 who signed up for the guys team that day. The rest of the year 3s came in later, they didn't see alot of the stuff that we did.

But I didn't want to become some senior who was constantly kao-peing at the team, that should've been left to the captains, those who the team wanted to lead instead of me.

So yeah. I shouldn't blame myself.

So in the end Ben did something different from what I had expected. I wonder what changed his mind.

Hrm... attendence and probation system implemented again... just like year one. This will be interesting.

Fever's back, flu, cough, blocked nose. Once this damned sickness is over I can begin my new training scheme... I wonder how far I will go this time.

Fever last night and fever this morning, was damn scared it would affect me for the race, but I knew I sure as hell was not going to bail on the team nor sit out of any race. 2 panadols + 2 packets of immunocal + 500mg vitamin C = a much better Reu by afternoon.

Hooray.

Nose was acting up, but as long as it didn't zap my stamina, I knew I was a happy rower. And that I confirmed after the first race. For some reason it seems I wasn't that out of breath even... could it be that the medication granted a temporary boost to my stamina? hahaha... how curious.

Then here comes the mens opens race.

16 out of 22 rowers.

wtf?

Perhaps deep inside I knew this number of guys was going to cost us, but somehow it just didn't hit me until this morning.

So I start worrying. Not because things were not looking up for us for the mens opens race, but I couldn't help but worry that it would affect the guys for the mixed event later.

The mental image of your opponent pulling away in a race... a while later you're in the same situation and if your mentality is not very strong you are going to let things repeat. This is human nature; probably the best way to learn too- through psychomotor repetition, and emotional familiarization. But to learn to not try and pull harder and catch up to that boat, is just something I feared the guys would pick up.

Enter the losers mentality.



Talked to Jeremy, headed him up that I suspected that Ben would not do the seating arrangement for the guys... he didn't think it was a possiblity, but true enough, it was so.

The final step in plan to wean off the team.

I suppose I should be grateful, that at least he would teach us to be independant before he leaves us.

He never said anything about leaving, yes, but 3 years with the bugger... I've learnt that he never takes immediate action. Instead he lays his chess pieces strategically to secure his move.

And by so doing, I know that he still cares for the team, and that this move is only for the betterment of it. Maybe he too sees that this is the only way for the team to progress.

Too much has been taken forgranted for, I know I tire of our stagnant and deteriorating situation, but somehow he would find a way to make me stay on with the team.

But even though I can see no other remedy as to this drastic step... I cannot help but worry about the guys team. Why not the girls? Yes, their standard isn't up to the seniors standard, but I sense a strong sisterhood among some of them... in time to come they will reach great peaks, I know it, it will be gold for them again, as long as they do not let their strong bonds become a fence and ostracize some of the other girls.

But as for the guys....
Farhan, Louis, Jonathan, Thomas, Daryl, Melvin, Darren, Yi Xue, Fu chun.

2 of which I know are good rowers, but both have issues with each other.

As for the captaincy... I have no clue.

Winston said a very amusing thing over msn the other day... and it hit me that I would be around long enough... at least till march intake, maybe later... and whats better would be that I would be damned free after august and attachment ends... working on portfolio, freelancing happily...

Perhaps I had given up that possiblity so long ago, but maybe I want to try again.
If only he were right.

Its make or break after this coming AGM. Either I am put in a position which I can make a difference, or I watch the team deteriorate further for another year. 3 years is enough watching...

I remember Jasmine's face after she returned from the ladies event during the summer festival races. I remember how it felt. How I cried inside, standing on the steps facing the singapore river. How giving it your all wasn't enough because it doesn't matter... because the team needs to give it their all too. How I hated him for giving up when he was supposed to be our pillar of support.

Grand dreams. Maybe futile.

Maybe not.

Stupid police coast guards....

Can you guys please watch your fuel tanks... whole area around SDBA is covered with a layer of fat now, making it sting my eyes, making my grip on the paddle slip, argh.

Once I think my stroke is actually getting somewhere I find out another area which needs work on.

Stupid entry, stupid kicking, this is ridiculous, I only got the twisting and locking down right.

Timed myself today for 500m, a retarded 2:30 minutes with the new improved stroke.

Improved my ass.

2 months till the nationals race, every month I will cut that time down by 10 seconds to stand a change against the stupid national rowers who have been rowing for 7 plus years.

I love it when the odds are against me.

Missed dragonboat training and rescheduled meeting with the film group cuz needed more time in my work/training equation.

And my nose is acting up.... and this weekend is the race........

no more talk, sleep.

How to make a reuben

Ingredients: 1 part mercy 3 parts arrogance 3 parts leadership

Method: Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little sadness if desired!

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Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

How to make a reu

Ingredients: 3 parts intelligence 5 parts silliness 5 parts leadership

Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Serve with a slice of fitness and a pinch of salt. Yum!

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Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com


Bwahahahahaha.

Mind-Over-Body

Did alot of thinking about this stupid concept over the weekend.

Rowing in Cougar on monday, wed, thurs and fri made my arms royally sore during the sets with Sensei on saturday.

He said he was "very happy" with my stroke and that it had improved alot, hoorah, unfortunately, my intensive training not only helped my stroke by leaps and bounds, but it had shocked my arms into conditioning for this new stroke.

So, no power, no speed, couldn't even catch up to the charboh k2, wtf? And sensei kept shouting "mind over body". And I kept thinking "it IS over body already, but the damned body will not moooooooooooove!" Like I hit a max rep or something during rowing.

Then suffered during running later during dragonboat due to my over enthusiasm for chicken rice, chilli and msg saturated soup. Well, its been 2 weeks already since I ate chicken rice, haha I deserve to screw up the diet once in a while. I knew I was going to die during the run, I forgot to bring running shoes and was going to get an abrasion with those damned ACG shoes, but its been so long since I ran with the team.... stupid working hours always making me late for land training.

And then suffered even more during the first 2km set in the dragonboat.

Its funny how your body instinctively wants to try and expel some food when lots of movement is taking place.

But after the first set, it finally hit a well digested mark and I could feel the marvelous power, essence and spirit of the chicken rice flowing in my veins!

And so the rest of the sets in the dragonboat were not a problem.

And then it hit me... how effortless it was for me to claw, to pull and yank the water back with such ease, yet in the k1 I was dying. The key is to relax my damned arms and just focus on the twisting.

Bwahahaha, genious that I am. Tried it out this morning, and it hella worked. Hell yeah.

To exert force you must first be relaxed to know that you are exerting it.

I've also realized how good poly students have it. Waking up at 630 to run down to kallang to row before work has woken up a certian level of discipline which I had lost for a long time.

I guess I sorta miss the days in secondary school, waking up at 430, going to the coffee shop outside school for the awesome nasi lemak, walking through the school gates while the sun is still down, the crickets screaming their godamn lungs out, checking the prefect roster to make sure everything was in place, hinging the flags, standing by the gates.

Ahhh but how little there was to do back then.

Blargh, need to get faster... where the heck is my debit card...

So here I am typing in the office.

So much to catch up on... lets see...

Sunday was the summer festival 5 crew dragonboat race.

First race was nationals mens, Ben put be down with the

alumni guys to row.

And I felt what it was like to row with a full boat of

awesome spirited rowers. I was frontman, which was a

little odd, since I'm usually backman. But Ben wanted

me to set the pace. Was a little aprehensive at first,

but then I just told myself it was just like my t1, k1

or t2 races with me setting the pace anyway.

Hence the start signal sounded, I executed the rythm

and stroke rates and the alumni guys followed

perfectly, we charged, went long, and charged, pulled

away, and finished first by a few boat lengths for the

first heats.

Next went down for the tertiary mens race with Jonny,

Jeremy, Winston and Darren coxsing. This time as

backman. I think my stroke was a little off par, due to

the timing being abit too fast. We lost the NTU boat,

which weren't dragonboaters at all, I recognized those

bugger canoeists :).

Then the girls went down, current girls lost the alumni

boat with agnes and patrick sao.

Then Ben sent... another team down for the nationals

quarter finals, which didn't make sense to me at first,

infact I felt pissed off, that the alumni team and me

rowed our asses off and got us to the quarter finals,

and now a couple of sub-par rowers are going down in

our place? No offence to the rowers who went down, but

some dissapeared from training completely in the past,

only to appear 1-2 months before the damned race, and

another appears and dissapeares occasionally for

training.

What a joke it was. Last place.


But what really dissapointed me was the Tertiary mens

semi finals. Last place. With the best rowers in the

team.

Main factors were:

1. Darren went slightly off course, resulting in a

slight curve.

2. Winston kept pushing timing, screwing up the

propulsion and charging.

I can't blame the guys either, we started the race

slanted, hence the curve. And winston was so spirited,

something I would love to see in each and every rower

in the team.

So yeah, the race basically sucked like hell. Ben

called it a fun race anyway. But looking at the current

team, my hopes are not high for the coming race.

Although I will fight.

Talked to Jeremy after debrief, trying to tell him that

it is possible to set the pace and count at the same

time. Our seniors do it, canoeists do it, the human

mind is so powerful that it really is too easy to set

the pace and count at the same time, but some guys

think that the front guy is too "pressured" and can

only set the pace and not count. But what they don't

see is that the two factors come hand in hand for

succesful execution of Ben's strategies. *sigh* I think

he felt like I was blaming him for the lost races.

Temasek Poly... ahhh, these guys. Past few years

they've been doing badly, but they did really well on

sunday at last. Nabbed a couple of medals I think. I'm

really proud of them. I always see their team training

so hard, they have not enough guys like our team, but

they've pulled it together. I always knew they were a

strong team, their rowers technique and aggresion are

what make them deserve something. Somehow a part of me

wishes that our team will somehow pull together like

theirs soon.

On tuesday Ben talked to us after training. Quite

saddening to think that I'll be leaving the team with

it in this state.

I guess a part of my lost hope in the team a long time

ago. Sometimes I find the will to try and contribute,

sometimes I feel that its useless. But the main thing

that kept me in the team was Ben. Sometimes I don't

even understand why he chooses to stay with a mixed up

team like us, heck, I wanna give up sometimes. But

theres so much to learn from him really, and it was he

who gave me my water wings, even though patrick is

taking me to the next level right now.

Well, life goes on, I have only one goal in mind right

now - The national canoeing championships in august.

Waking up at 6:30am to hit the water by 8am for just

one hour, then running down to work at is tiring

sometimes, but I see Al, Wee, JennYang and the other

schools training at 8-8:30am too, and I know I need to

push harder.

76kg... according to the ideal weight calculation graph I was playing with at the doctor's the other day, I have officially hit the "pre-obese" stage and left "normal".

Well, stupid graph.... DO I LOOK PRE OBESE TO YOU IN ANY WAY?

-_-

So during my 3 years in poly life I have put on 26kg and made it from underweight to overweight. Well done, Reu.

Went down to row yesterday afternoon. Raced one set with the chinese high team and WC and witnessed his insane starting burst, expected from the coach of CH and ex national rower.

Anyway, it was a 1km race. Managed to gained about 10m off their k1 rower at the 500 metre mark, then I felt it. At long last, the stamina zap, the cold tightness in the head. Damn cough finally woke a slight fever. Then I saw as their k1 rower slowly pulled away. That technique, superb.

For a secondary school rower, the twisting was awesome and precise. Quite a humbling experience.

So today I'm on mc. Hell yeah.

Burnt my vesak day holiday for a photo shoot anyway. Clothes were cool, altough some of the clothes were not to my taste. Glad marcus was there. Woo, I got to keep a pretty cool singlet from the shoot.

Went to watch harry potter to end the day. Interesting, as I was watching the chamber of secrets the other day on tv, the music really struck me - The usage of melodies, the rythms - Must be John Williams! And lo and behold I saw his name during the end credits of the prisoner of azkaban.

Pretty cool show it is btw, effects rock, plot rocks, although certain aspects were a little childish, the visual effects really made it look like wtf.