Lately I've been re-thinking as to what module of leadership is most effective in today's context.
Met with Jem and Adr to discuss the future plans for the team and movements in systems that we wish.
On one hand, Jem is still insistent that controlling the team with an iron fist is the only way to get things done. One must admit that although it gets things done and movement faster, there are always other ways of accomplishing this. Of course, you will probably not understand and have the empathy of your subordinates if you have been ontop looking down on such a system, and not actually be the one under it. I believe that such a system will work well only to a certain level, and to get more from any team, you need much more than just ego-boosting control over it. People will only give you 99% if you force them to do so. But if they want to do it for their own reasons, and if you can inspire them, they will give you 150%.
When I was a younger leader, I used to also think that this was the only and best way to get things done. But come and go different phases and observations of different people's methods and strategies to motivate and run teams, and a myriad of different modules are formed.
Discipline and pressure, nowadays must be complimented with other aspects, especially when the team dynamics consists of independant free-willed individuals.
Long gone are the days of educating the stupid with force, because the stupid cannot comprehend any better.
The dangerous part of leading with an iron fist is that the motivation behind such a method is often ego. "I want them to fear me, I want them to respect me." But the truth is such childish ambitions often contradict the team morale and confidence in the leader.
Worse still, nowadays, many athletes compare strengths and weaknesses to each other, and their leaders are not exempt from such analysis. Seem any weaker and inferior and they wonder why they should follow someone weaker than themselves.
The pillar of support module revolves around the leader being the strongest if not one of the strongest in the team. He has charisma and can convince the team, not because he abuses his authority, but because he has thought through well his strategy and the team will eventually see that wisdom and fore-thought.
For me, it has long been a requirement for a leader to be stronger than those whom he instructs. If you as a black belt lose to a brown or blue belt in a match, you've lost a huge amount of respect. Even more so that the brown or blue belt often wants to prove his worth and targets the black belt even harder than usual.
But dragonboat isn't that witty as compared to tkd. There are many more elements of "brutishness" that reflect your status. Running, weights, chinups, statics. At least canoeing has some aspect of technique and speed.
But of course, there is also more than being the "strongest" in the team.
I'm glad to work with Adr. Our conceptual module regarding this is very similar.
In gym today, there was a team mate whom went to get an injury treated. I thought that he could have persisted till after the race, until he expressed the urgency of the treatment.
And then it hit me.
How stupid I was to have lost my stand on injuries and training.
Perhaps influenced badly from MH and Jem. Perhaps the lack of strength to persuade a stubborn friend from aggravating it.
I don't care what team you are from. People who say "No matter what injury it is, as long as you persevere, you can continue to train." But to what extent? And what cost? Before I entered this team I would have immediately thought that such a view is downright stupid.
And indeed it is. Only an uneducated and irresponsible team mate or leader would encourage such a stand. Fighting spirit and perseverance is one thing, but at the risk of aggravating an injury until the point that it disables the sportsman for long-term, or causes complications.
It was only a few years ago, that I thought that a simple training injury could be overcome with this "mind over body" attitude. That everyone would have to go through such ordeals. But not every injury is the same. You may be lucky to persevere through one injury without complications, but I was one of the unlucky whom developed a severe runners knee that hampered my running for close to two years. Until the point that a simple walk down the overhead bridge caused my knee to suddenly give way.
When to persevere, when to rest, when to encourage, when to exert pressure. These are all aspects that require a balance between opposites, because any preference to either one could retard the journey to any desired goal.
Wanted to go for a slow run today, but knee isn't recovered sufficiently yet. And since it hurts when I jog but not when I climb stairs...
Did 3 X 25 stories of stair climbing.
What a rush. Reminds me of adventure quest training... except that there are no ankle weights and you can't exactly sprint up 75 stories.
Don't be a stupid athelete.
Have the wisdom and patience to find alternative means of exercise or training until a full recovery. The answer may be hard to find, but it is there.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Yesterday was insane.
Was supposed to be on duty, but ended up spending less than an hour in the office during the day.
Last minute touch ups, ammendments, link ups with contractors. 5 Branches around the institute urgently needed my help.
Its nice to have the army on your side for a change. Got a ride from a mt spec in a gp vehicle back home. Was trying to study the standing orders for vehicle commander hard... they really plan for the worse case scenarios.
And I didn't get enough sleep again last night. Lucky my growing spurt is over, or else I'll be stuck as a shorty because not enough sleep = less cycles of 4th level of sleep where human growth hormone is produced = less growth hormone = stuck as a shorty for life.
Yes, I have discovered the reason why singaporean kids are so short. Mahaha.
Anyway got some bad news about the passport renewal.
Sigh.
I hate having to depend on other people for help. Reliance is a weakness. And for all I claim for myself to be responsible, this was a major cock up on my part.
Still need to settle some stuff.
Was supposed to be on duty, but ended up spending less than an hour in the office during the day.
Last minute touch ups, ammendments, link ups with contractors. 5 Branches around the institute urgently needed my help.
Its nice to have the army on your side for a change. Got a ride from a mt spec in a gp vehicle back home. Was trying to study the standing orders for vehicle commander hard... they really plan for the worse case scenarios.
And I didn't get enough sleep again last night. Lucky my growing spurt is over, or else I'll be stuck as a shorty because not enough sleep = less cycles of 4th level of sleep where human growth hormone is produced = less growth hormone = stuck as a shorty for life.
Yes, I have discovered the reason why singaporean kids are so short. Mahaha.
Anyway got some bad news about the passport renewal.
Sigh.
I hate having to depend on other people for help. Reliance is a weakness. And for all I claim for myself to be responsible, this was a major cock up on my part.
Still need to settle some stuff.
Monday, July 24, 2006
I forgot that if you want a system to be changed. YOU GOTTA BE THE ONE TO DO IT!
I hate it when they try to pull rank to override other people. I don't give a damn about that bullshit. In the field you can use it to issue commands, but when it comes to my work, I am the captain of the vessel. If I choose to pick up and take ownership of a project, it is my own personal goal and guarantee that the job will be done well - and every project will get the same treatment.
I'm glad that we saw some level ground just now. Not really too fond of getting sucked into the presentation tomorrow, but I supposed it will save everyone a whole lot of trouble. Besides, its nice to be the one talking and have the warrants backing you up for a change.
Wasn't quite expecting what happened in the end, I suppose ocs does teach some camaraderie. Then again it was probably successful upbringing. Made me remember that camp is actually quite a nice place, especially after all the hard work I put in to make it that nice. Been away from camp and been around people who hate camp so much that I begun to dread it for... the wrong reasons.
Gym today was damn good. Haven't felt that shacked from gym since forever. Of course there's that extra motivation now. I've just confirmed that I've been slacking off for way too long. Bonsai's been pushing harder too. I just hope that his branches don't break, cuz for some reason some people won't listen to general logic and wish to test and injure themselves further. Kinda reminds me of when I injured my wrist and still... doh. But that's besides the point!
I think that I've been taking things too seriously.
Look too deep into the water and you will only see darkness, too shallow and you will see yourself, it is in the middle, just beneath the surface, that you can see what has been staring at you since forever.
Remembered why I don't like to talk about it. Cause I really want to forget about it and have one less thing to worry about.
I hate it when they try to pull rank to override other people. I don't give a damn about that bullshit. In the field you can use it to issue commands, but when it comes to my work, I am the captain of the vessel. If I choose to pick up and take ownership of a project, it is my own personal goal and guarantee that the job will be done well - and every project will get the same treatment.
I'm glad that we saw some level ground just now. Not really too fond of getting sucked into the presentation tomorrow, but I supposed it will save everyone a whole lot of trouble. Besides, its nice to be the one talking and have the warrants backing you up for a change.
Wasn't quite expecting what happened in the end, I suppose ocs does teach some camaraderie. Then again it was probably successful upbringing. Made me remember that camp is actually quite a nice place, especially after all the hard work I put in to make it that nice. Been away from camp and been around people who hate camp so much that I begun to dread it for... the wrong reasons.
Gym today was damn good. Haven't felt that shacked from gym since forever. Of course there's that extra motivation now. I've just confirmed that I've been slacking off for way too long. Bonsai's been pushing harder too. I just hope that his branches don't break, cuz for some reason some people won't listen to general logic and wish to test and injure themselves further. Kinda reminds me of when I injured my wrist and still... doh. But that's besides the point!
I think that I've been taking things too seriously.
Look too deep into the water and you will only see darkness, too shallow and you will see yourself, it is in the middle, just beneath the surface, that you can see what has been staring at you since forever.
Remembered why I don't like to talk about it. Cause I really want to forget about it and have one less thing to worry about.
Was in the middle of work and an entry here last night, but somehow ended up knocked out on my bed.
Better that last night's entry didn't make it to be posted anyway.
Talking to the ntu canoeing alumni about uni made me wonder if it really is the right thing to do, or maybe its just the wrong degree.
In times of change, learners inherit the Earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.
This is especially true to the design industry. I realize that whatever software they can teach you, you can learn on your own with the tutorials provided with the software itself. And one year later, after your course has ended, there's a new version of the software. New techniques, new applications. Who's going to teach you then?
I've been observing those with the degrees, and those who made it on their own, and I realized that those who are taught, are constantly trying to find the logic and familiar ground as the basis of their "creativity". In this aspect, they are critically limited. A self-taught person on the other hand, has limits as high as his imagination. Formulae and logic are the total opposite of creativity. Order versus chaos.
For designers, I don't think that its possible to try to solve a logical problem with logic first. You have to dive right into the other branches of thought.
Design revolves around creativity to solve logical problems. Creativity cannot be taught by another person. It must be practiced and felt.
Then again, I can only see so far. Perhaps there are aspects to the curriculum that I have to experience to appreciate.
Bleh... back to work.
Better that last night's entry didn't make it to be posted anyway.
Talking to the ntu canoeing alumni about uni made me wonder if it really is the right thing to do, or maybe its just the wrong degree.
In times of change, learners inherit the Earth, while the learned find themselves beautifully equipped to deal with a world that no longer exists.
This is especially true to the design industry. I realize that whatever software they can teach you, you can learn on your own with the tutorials provided with the software itself. And one year later, after your course has ended, there's a new version of the software. New techniques, new applications. Who's going to teach you then?
I've been observing those with the degrees, and those who made it on their own, and I realized that those who are taught, are constantly trying to find the logic and familiar ground as the basis of their "creativity". In this aspect, they are critically limited. A self-taught person on the other hand, has limits as high as his imagination. Formulae and logic are the total opposite of creativity. Order versus chaos.
For designers, I don't think that its possible to try to solve a logical problem with logic first. You have to dive right into the other branches of thought.
Design revolves around creativity to solve logical problems. Creativity cannot be taught by another person. It must be practiced and felt.
Then again, I can only see so far. Perhaps there are aspects to the curriculum that I have to experience to appreciate.
Bleh... back to work.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
I just realized that this may have been the worse time to go into that mode again. Right when I'm still in the process of trying to identify which walls to build back up.
Remembered some things... I'd rather not have remembered.
Anyway, did:
-10 sets of 20 pullups
-10 sets of 50 crunches
-10 sets of 50 russian twists
-10 sets of 50 pushups
-10 sets of 50 calf raises
Was pretty pissed off that I couldn't go and run with my busted up knee.
Didn't think that I'd be able to complete the pullups. especially after the skin on my hands felt like they were going to come off and my fingers were going to give way.
Didn't really hydrate myself properly before that... its a funny feeling when your throat gets so dry until you think you're tasting... metal. And when you swallow your saliver, your throat is still parched, and you feel like puking and your ears are blocked.
Oh well.
Remembered some things... I'd rather not have remembered.
Anyway, did:
-10 sets of 20 pullups
-10 sets of 50 crunches
-10 sets of 50 russian twists
-10 sets of 50 pushups
-10 sets of 50 calf raises
Was pretty pissed off that I couldn't go and run with my busted up knee.
Didn't think that I'd be able to complete the pullups. especially after the skin on my hands felt like they were going to come off and my fingers were going to give way.
Didn't really hydrate myself properly before that... its a funny feeling when your throat gets so dry until you think you're tasting... metal. And when you swallow your saliver, your throat is still parched, and you feel like puking and your ears are blocked.
Oh well.
Thus is the reality of racing.
You can come in first for all the trail runs and practices. But come race day, worst case scenario happens...
You have some sort of hong kong monster who somehow pulls ahead half a boat length from the rest within the first 2 strokes.
You then try to follow your strategy, only to to get sucked into his backwash, then try to get out, but by the time you're out you've made a S-course and missed the critical chance to increase gears.
He was using the Nelo boat. 60% the weight of my boat? On the other side, Jeremy was using the advantage kayak. Both boats imported from overseas, mine a copycat made locally which weighed heavier and resisted water more.
But the fact of the matter is. No matter what the odds or justifications there are for them to be ahead of me are, I wasn't good enough.
Assuming I didn't hit his backwash, and I performed my strategy properly with the wind assisting us at that time, my timing would have been 54-55 seconds.
But that would still be behind 2nd place, who came in at 53 seconds, and the hong kong monster who came in at 50 seconds.
I've been numb for too long. Too soft, too complacent. Couldn't feel anything to strive for. Now I can feel it. The frustration, anger of not training hard enough. This is exactly the kick in the ass I needed to wake me up.
No more excuses. Hit 40 pullups by November, then 50. Next time, I'll make up for the handicap of boat weights and cuttings.
Heh. Never felt so alive in a long time.
You can come in first for all the trail runs and practices. But come race day, worst case scenario happens...
You have some sort of hong kong monster who somehow pulls ahead half a boat length from the rest within the first 2 strokes.
You then try to follow your strategy, only to to get sucked into his backwash, then try to get out, but by the time you're out you've made a S-course and missed the critical chance to increase gears.
He was using the Nelo boat. 60% the weight of my boat? On the other side, Jeremy was using the advantage kayak. Both boats imported from overseas, mine a copycat made locally which weighed heavier and resisted water more.
But the fact of the matter is. No matter what the odds or justifications there are for them to be ahead of me are, I wasn't good enough.
Assuming I didn't hit his backwash, and I performed my strategy properly with the wind assisting us at that time, my timing would have been 54-55 seconds.
But that would still be behind 2nd place, who came in at 53 seconds, and the hong kong monster who came in at 50 seconds.
I've been numb for too long. Too soft, too complacent. Couldn't feel anything to strive for. Now I can feel it. The frustration, anger of not training hard enough. This is exactly the kick in the ass I needed to wake me up.
No more excuses. Hit 40 pullups by November, then 50. Next time, I'll make up for the handicap of boat weights and cuttings.
Heh. Never felt so alive in a long time.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Speaking to an old friend right now.
I can't believe anyone would sign on in the army to pursue an interest in music. Its just insane!
Sad to see so many who are wanting to make their own mark in life look down so much on the current education system with such contempt. How the wrong incentives are used, how the many aspects of growth and potential are discouraged in a child, to nurture those few that can be made use of.
Sadder to say that, that no matter how much we resent the current system... it works. It works to help contribute to the country's growth and expansion.
But not everyone is a conformist, not everyone can say "hey, that's how life is." There will always be the rebels. Those who question why they need to do what they do, because somehow they have dreamt that there is a better way of life. They want to live their own life, and excel beyond the lives of their conformist acquaintances, because they also expect more out of themselves.
Sigh. Its too risky. But in order to succeed, some risks have to be made. How many Ravels failed or got killed before he actually succeeded? Who's to say that my path is full proof either. No matter how many contingency plans I can build, there's always the possiblity of full-through failure.
Back to today.
Saw MH at macritchie today with his k2 partner. Damn sian... no matter how much I provoked or enticed, he wouldn't race me! Is he that afraid to lose to me again? Or does he have no confidence in his partner?
My timings were very shitty today. 1min 2 secs, 1min flat. Was it the wind? No doubt that when I was stationary the wind was steadily pushing my boat backward. Or was it yesterday's super siong water session? I'm not sure. But I failed to meet today's milestone.
The ang moh scf coach came by me in a C1 when I was about to start my 250m set. Think he was testing some new knee rest. Walau eh... damn hard to understand his english. Was he chek? Or Polish? He advised me to rest and not do anymore 250m sets, and do just starts instead to not overstrain for tomorrow's race. But I needed to breakthrough timing today.
Some k2 pair was going to go for a 250m set too, so I asked to race. And what kinda attitude was that man... "Oh... ok, but we're in like different boat class." I mean, I know that your k2 should be finishing infront of my k1 but I just wanna race mah.
In the end we finished at 1min flat. Think I was like a hair's breadth infront of them, unless they somehow miraculously accelerated for last charge.
I thought that they were going to overtake me at 4th gear, but it seems their strategy was very similar to mine, and I managed to stay just ahead.
Saw the line up for tomorrow's event.
I can't believe I'd be so suay as to end up beside HIM again.
Event No. 94 Open – Men K1-500m Heat 2 1.20 pm
Lane No. Name | Organisation | Position | Time |Remarks
1 Kee En Rui | SDBA | 2 | 2.22.72
2 Chuang Ting | RJC | - | - |
3 Lim Beng Chuan | NTU | 4 | 2.29.09
4 Jeremy Choo | ACS (I) | 1 | 2.14.68
5 Tan Shing Ee | LKC | 3 | 2.23.48
6
I can only hope that he's not using a Nelo boat, and that I've improved by leaps and bounds.
The Nelo boats like... make my stingray look like a daihatsu beside a mercedes. Another gaping handicap that I'll have to overcome tomorrow with mutant ability.
Haven't used my secret weapon for all the practice sessions. Hopefully I won't have to use it tomorrow, but based on my estimate... I probably will have to.
I hate going into a fight blind. Why are there no recording timings for 250m events? Its just so stupid. Don't know how I'll fair. On one hand, the scf coaches say: 57-58 seconds, which I'm doing. On the other hand, MH says 55? How reliable that is, I dunno.
Guess it doesn't matter. No use trying to put myself at ease. So what if 4 of the nation's fastest will be racing in my event, and that hongkong team's around. Not sure if I can take them all down, but I'll make my mark. I didn't go into a fight knowing how my opponent was going to fight either.
Just play by ear.
Mind of steel, Heart of sword.
I can't believe anyone would sign on in the army to pursue an interest in music. Its just insane!
Sad to see so many who are wanting to make their own mark in life look down so much on the current education system with such contempt. How the wrong incentives are used, how the many aspects of growth and potential are discouraged in a child, to nurture those few that can be made use of.
Sadder to say that, that no matter how much we resent the current system... it works. It works to help contribute to the country's growth and expansion.
But not everyone is a conformist, not everyone can say "hey, that's how life is." There will always be the rebels. Those who question why they need to do what they do, because somehow they have dreamt that there is a better way of life. They want to live their own life, and excel beyond the lives of their conformist acquaintances, because they also expect more out of themselves.
Sigh. Its too risky. But in order to succeed, some risks have to be made. How many Ravels failed or got killed before he actually succeeded? Who's to say that my path is full proof either. No matter how many contingency plans I can build, there's always the possiblity of full-through failure.
Back to today.
Saw MH at macritchie today with his k2 partner. Damn sian... no matter how much I provoked or enticed, he wouldn't race me! Is he that afraid to lose to me again? Or does he have no confidence in his partner?
My timings were very shitty today. 1min 2 secs, 1min flat. Was it the wind? No doubt that when I was stationary the wind was steadily pushing my boat backward. Or was it yesterday's super siong water session? I'm not sure. But I failed to meet today's milestone.
The ang moh scf coach came by me in a C1 when I was about to start my 250m set. Think he was testing some new knee rest. Walau eh... damn hard to understand his english. Was he chek? Or Polish? He advised me to rest and not do anymore 250m sets, and do just starts instead to not overstrain for tomorrow's race. But I needed to breakthrough timing today.
Some k2 pair was going to go for a 250m set too, so I asked to race. And what kinda attitude was that man... "Oh... ok, but we're in like different boat class." I mean, I know that your k2 should be finishing infront of my k1 but I just wanna race mah.
In the end we finished at 1min flat. Think I was like a hair's breadth infront of them, unless they somehow miraculously accelerated for last charge.
I thought that they were going to overtake me at 4th gear, but it seems their strategy was very similar to mine, and I managed to stay just ahead.
Saw the line up for tomorrow's event.
I can't believe I'd be so suay as to end up beside HIM again.
Event No. 94 Open – Men K1-500m Heat 2 1.20 pm
Lane No. Name | Organisation | Position | Time |Remarks
1 Kee En Rui | SDBA | 2 | 2.22.72
2 Chuang Ting | RJC | - | - |
3 Lim Beng Chuan | NTU | 4 | 2.29.09
4 Jeremy Choo | ACS (I) | 1 | 2.14.68
5 Tan Shing Ee | LKC | 3 | 2.23.48
6
I can only hope that he's not using a Nelo boat, and that I've improved by leaps and bounds.
The Nelo boats like... make my stingray look like a daihatsu beside a mercedes. Another gaping handicap that I'll have to overcome tomorrow with mutant ability.
Haven't used my secret weapon for all the practice sessions. Hopefully I won't have to use it tomorrow, but based on my estimate... I probably will have to.
I hate going into a fight blind. Why are there no recording timings for 250m events? Its just so stupid. Don't know how I'll fair. On one hand, the scf coaches say: 57-58 seconds, which I'm doing. On the other hand, MH says 55? How reliable that is, I dunno.
Guess it doesn't matter. No use trying to put myself at ease. So what if 4 of the nation's fastest will be racing in my event, and that hongkong team's around. Not sure if I can take them all down, but I'll make my mark. I didn't go into a fight knowing how my opponent was going to fight either.
Just play by ear.
Mind of steel, Heart of sword.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Its a surreal feeling to hobble around, hobble with my boat, struggle to get seated, then just... fly away in the water.
Healing is on schedule for the knee, 30 degree range of movement is all I need to kick in the k1, so there's no problem for my rowing.
I also took a new boat out, 1-5, instead of the usual 1-6. Tried it when Joyce was in 1-6 the other day and was suprised that it felt lighter in the water, and I could somehow stretch forward more.
Took two timing's after warmup. First timing, 57.5 seconds. Second timing, 57 seconds. New personal best.
I'm up to about 65% saturation with chemical c. Its a strange feeling... when you push so hard, then it holds you at the point of damn shacked and just before dying out. Muscles were complaining like hell after the second set... could't even hold my water bottle properly.
Proceeded for the special routine afer that. I never dreaded yet longed for the beep of my watch so much before. It was quite succesful. Can't remember how many sets it was, but it worked.
Met a couple of acjc canoeing alumni. Nice bunch of guys. Remembered two of them from my camp.
Asked to race their k2 pair, and they complied :)
The odds of the race were very sketchy. Firstly, them being in a k2 and me a k1, I was out-classed in terms of boat and speed potential. But it seemed like it was their first time in the water in a few years, so they were very nua.
Then they told me that they were the bronze medallists for the k2 1000m national championships in 2003.
So for them, they wanted to see if they still had it in them after all these years. And for me, I just had to try to beat an alumnua k2 or else my chances in this sat's race aren't very high.
The stakes were set, and we did a 250m set.
First gear to second gear they were right beside me, which was quite suprising, as I would usually pull away a little by second gear. It was third to fourth gear that I slowly pulled away. Could hear their timings as they called out for each other to keep each other in check for their strategy.
Finished that set at 57 seconds, think they came in at about 1min 1 seconds.
It was nice of them to help me see if I was ready for the race. Given their long time away from the water, I think that in their prime they would have taken the lead instead. I could tell by their coordination that this was a very bonded pair. Hopefully I'll do better on saturday, because I don't think that 57 seconds can cut it in the finals.
Went to eat, then was supposed to go gym but the stupid bonsai kept falling asleep.. and he didn't even apologize! Made a poor cripple hobble around while waiting. Luckily patience is a virtue, and as far as virtues are concerned, I should be a godamn paladin.
Fast forward past boring work at home... then my dog sms'd me with so little time in advance for the evening gym session. Made me rush down my soup then chemical c, and almost got indigestion because of that.
One so nua, the other too siao-on until make me get indigestion. What am I to do with these people?
Oh, the events list is out for this saturday's race.. Time to do some research.
Healing is on schedule for the knee, 30 degree range of movement is all I need to kick in the k1, so there's no problem for my rowing.
I also took a new boat out, 1-5, instead of the usual 1-6. Tried it when Joyce was in 1-6 the other day and was suprised that it felt lighter in the water, and I could somehow stretch forward more.
Took two timing's after warmup. First timing, 57.5 seconds. Second timing, 57 seconds. New personal best.
I'm up to about 65% saturation with chemical c. Its a strange feeling... when you push so hard, then it holds you at the point of damn shacked and just before dying out. Muscles were complaining like hell after the second set... could't even hold my water bottle properly.
Proceeded for the special routine afer that. I never dreaded yet longed for the beep of my watch so much before. It was quite succesful. Can't remember how many sets it was, but it worked.
Met a couple of acjc canoeing alumni. Nice bunch of guys. Remembered two of them from my camp.
Asked to race their k2 pair, and they complied :)
The odds of the race were very sketchy. Firstly, them being in a k2 and me a k1, I was out-classed in terms of boat and speed potential. But it seemed like it was their first time in the water in a few years, so they were very nua.
Then they told me that they were the bronze medallists for the k2 1000m national championships in 2003.
So for them, they wanted to see if they still had it in them after all these years. And for me, I just had to try to beat an alumnua k2 or else my chances in this sat's race aren't very high.
The stakes were set, and we did a 250m set.
First gear to second gear they were right beside me, which was quite suprising, as I would usually pull away a little by second gear. It was third to fourth gear that I slowly pulled away. Could hear their timings as they called out for each other to keep each other in check for their strategy.
Finished that set at 57 seconds, think they came in at about 1min 1 seconds.
It was nice of them to help me see if I was ready for the race. Given their long time away from the water, I think that in their prime they would have taken the lead instead. I could tell by their coordination that this was a very bonded pair. Hopefully I'll do better on saturday, because I don't think that 57 seconds can cut it in the finals.
Went to eat, then was supposed to go gym but the stupid bonsai kept falling asleep.. and he didn't even apologize! Made a poor cripple hobble around while waiting. Luckily patience is a virtue, and as far as virtues are concerned, I should be a godamn paladin.
Fast forward past boring work at home... then my dog sms'd me with so little time in advance for the evening gym session. Made me rush down my soup then chemical c, and almost got indigestion because of that.
One so nua, the other too siao-on until make me get indigestion. What am I to do with these people?
Oh, the events list is out for this saturday's race.. Time to do some research.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Thought I'd do something constructive and clean out + refurbish my desktop:
Looks much better now.
Its nice to have a girlfriend who happens to be a nurse. Think it was good to get the dressing changed, somehow after that and the walking around J8 I can now walk properly and have recovered some more range of movement in the knee. But erm... think can get alot of "marks" here and there when she's in that mood. -_-;
I just hope that the stitches don't get itchy. And I really hope that they don't like... burst when I'm busting out max speed for this sat's race... that would be calamitous.
Glad they offered to take me to the hospital today... but not sure what he was thinking as I could have swore I told him I got the injury yesterday and seen the doctor already. Almost panicked when they wanted to have the meeting at my house... did that mean I had to clean my room to stand-by-area condition? Luckily as always, the mood was informal.
I think that I'm not pushing hard enough in gym. Need to push until failure more often.
Think after all these projects are over, I can finally take a breather. I hope... or else I swear I will kill everyone in the office. Then can stay back in camp every now and then for badminton and basketball matches and hone in on my complex psychomotor skills again.
Looks much better now.
Its nice to have a girlfriend who happens to be a nurse. Think it was good to get the dressing changed, somehow after that and the walking around J8 I can now walk properly and have recovered some more range of movement in the knee. But erm... think can get alot of "marks" here and there when she's in that mood. -_-;
I just hope that the stitches don't get itchy. And I really hope that they don't like... burst when I'm busting out max speed for this sat's race... that would be calamitous.
Glad they offered to take me to the hospital today... but not sure what he was thinking as I could have swore I told him I got the injury yesterday and seen the doctor already. Almost panicked when they wanted to have the meeting at my house... did that mean I had to clean my room to stand-by-area condition? Luckily as always, the mood was informal.
I think that I'm not pushing hard enough in gym. Need to push until failure more often.
Think after all these projects are over, I can finally take a breather. I hope... or else I swear I will kill everyone in the office. Then can stay back in camp every now and then for badminton and basketball matches and hone in on my complex psychomotor skills again.
Ow. godamn.
Knee hurts like hell la... how to race this saturday?
I need it to heal asap....
Just need to restore at least 20 degrees range of movement... then wack painkillers like hell and proceed to trash me some canoeists on saturday.
I've come so far now I'll be damned if I let this affect me for the race.
I wish my mutant ability was mutant healing instead of mutant darknening.
Tomorrow is my last chance for water practice. Heal faster stupid knee...
Knee hurts like hell la... how to race this saturday?
I need it to heal asap....
Just need to restore at least 20 degrees range of movement... then wack painkillers like hell and proceed to trash me some canoeists on saturday.
I've come so far now I'll be damned if I let this affect me for the race.
I wish my mutant ability was mutant healing instead of mutant darknening.
Tomorrow is my last chance for water practice. Heal faster stupid knee...
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Case study - Conflicts which are caused by misunderstandings can be solved by presenting the facts in a calm manner:
Blade Art
New Challenger
Posts: 70
Trojan Warning at Reu's site
« on: Today at 12:45:12 pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I want to let everyone know Reu site (Evil Ryu/Ken, Dragon Claw) is still trojaning. Your computer will be infected as soon as you log onto the site.
Don't go there until you're sure about your virus blocker.
I have sent an email to warn microsoft and a few security companies, but that won't take effect until a while. Finally I'd like to point that nothing will ever give the right to scums like of Reu the right to hack into others computers and their privacy. This is a crime 1000 times more ominious than warehousing. I just hope for you microsoft won't call upon justice for you
Blade Art
New Challenger
Posts: 70
Re: Trojan Warning at Reu's site
« Reply #3 on: Today at 01:24:49 pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote from: megaman_zer0 on Today at 01:11:12 pm
K.... Reu sends a trojon horse virus to your computer and the hacks IT..... Yeeeeah
Indeed and this, Sir, is called a crime. Or don't you mind when someone introduce into your privacy, computer, house...
Blade Art
New Challenger
Posts: 70
Re: Trojan Warning at Reu's site
« Reply #5 on: Today at 01:43:48 pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote from: Countess Remilia Scarlet on Today at 01:26:53 pm
what
show some proof. I checked it and it is clean.
An hijack attempt occured to me twice when I connected to his site.
I don't have logged the trojan name but I have the filenames of the infectious javascrits.
please understand I have no reason to lie. I just want to warn the average innocent user who doesn't wish to have his privacy violated.
Blade Art
New Challenger
Posts: 70
Re: Trojan Warning at Reu's site
« Reply #8 on: Today at 02:26:15 pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote from: Messatsu on Today at 02:19:10 pm
Maybe it's a fake.
you mean a false positive?
the chances are slim IMHO
the trovan is called JS.agent JS for javascript and that is indeed a javascript file. the chance for two javascript files to get the same checksum are near null
that and all the talk about "HACK THEM"
I think Reu took it a bit too seriously
Warehouses are fucking wrong but how does it give him right to take advantage of his website to hack into every user privacy
Blade Art
New Challenger
Posts: 70
Re: Trojan Warning at Reu's site
« Reply #12 on: Today at 02:56:33 pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It has been removed 10 min ago. Reu may have heard about this thread. Will keep you informed if it is back again.
Do not doubt my Security suit. My computer is a Fortress.
Reu
M.U.G.E.N Creator
Posts: 197
Ssssslash!
Re: Trojan Warning at Reu's site
« Reply #31 on: Today at 05:10:52 pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What... the... heck?
1. I believe that it would be more civilized to confirm your facts before lashing out attacks on someone.
2. I haven't been updating my site recently. That's being taken care of by Tmasta and Syn.
3. The site's been hacked by hackers recently, so its possible that they planted something that we haven't spotted and wiped.
If anyone comes across such a problem please post about it so that we can get to the source of it.
Thanks.
Blade Art
New Challenger
Posts: 70
Re: Trojan Warning at Reu's site
« Reply #32 on: Today at 05:43:39 pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote from: Reu on Today at 05:10:52 pm
What... the... heck?
1. I believe that it would be more civilized to confirm your facts before lashing out attacks on someone.
I am sorry about it, Sir. I guess I got overhand.
Glad to hear that you weren't responsible.
I guess from his point of view, he was doing the right thing.
Oh well.
Blade Art
New Challenger
Posts: 70
Trojan Warning at Reu's site
« on: Today at 12:45:12 pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I want to let everyone know Reu site (Evil Ryu/Ken, Dragon Claw) is still trojaning. Your computer will be infected as soon as you log onto the site.
Don't go there until you're sure about your virus blocker.
I have sent an email to warn microsoft and a few security companies, but that won't take effect until a while. Finally I'd like to point that nothing will ever give the right to scums like of Reu the right to hack into others computers and their privacy. This is a crime 1000 times more ominious than warehousing. I just hope for you microsoft won't call upon justice for you
Blade Art
New Challenger
Posts: 70
Re: Trojan Warning at Reu's site
« Reply #3 on: Today at 01:24:49 pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote from: megaman_zer0 on Today at 01:11:12 pm
K.... Reu sends a trojon horse virus to your computer and the hacks IT..... Yeeeeah
Indeed and this, Sir, is called a crime. Or don't you mind when someone introduce into your privacy, computer, house...
Blade Art
New Challenger
Posts: 70
Re: Trojan Warning at Reu's site
« Reply #5 on: Today at 01:43:48 pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote from: Countess Remilia Scarlet on Today at 01:26:53 pm
what
show some proof. I checked it and it is clean.
An hijack attempt occured to me twice when I connected to his site.
I don't have logged the trojan name but I have the filenames of the infectious javascrits.
please understand I have no reason to lie. I just want to warn the average innocent user who doesn't wish to have his privacy violated.
Blade Art
New Challenger
Posts: 70
Re: Trojan Warning at Reu's site
« Reply #8 on: Today at 02:26:15 pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote from: Messatsu on Today at 02:19:10 pm
Maybe it's a fake.
you mean a false positive?
the chances are slim IMHO
the trovan is called JS.agent JS for javascript and that is indeed a javascript file. the chance for two javascript files to get the same checksum are near null
that and all the talk about "HACK THEM"
I think Reu took it a bit too seriously
Warehouses are fucking wrong but how does it give him right to take advantage of his website to hack into every user privacy
Blade Art
New Challenger
Posts: 70
Re: Trojan Warning at Reu's site
« Reply #12 on: Today at 02:56:33 pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It has been removed 10 min ago. Reu may have heard about this thread. Will keep you informed if it is back again.
Do not doubt my Security suit. My computer is a Fortress.
Reu
M.U.G.E.N Creator
Posts: 197
Ssssslash!
Re: Trojan Warning at Reu's site
« Reply #31 on: Today at 05:10:52 pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What... the... heck?
1. I believe that it would be more civilized to confirm your facts before lashing out attacks on someone.
2. I haven't been updating my site recently. That's being taken care of by Tmasta and Syn.
3. The site's been hacked by hackers recently, so its possible that they planted something that we haven't spotted and wiped.
If anyone comes across such a problem please post about it so that we can get to the source of it.
Thanks.
Blade Art
New Challenger
Posts: 70
Re: Trojan Warning at Reu's site
« Reply #32 on: Today at 05:43:39 pm »
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote from: Reu on Today at 05:10:52 pm
What... the... heck?
1. I believe that it would be more civilized to confirm your facts before lashing out attacks on someone.
I am sorry about it, Sir. I guess I got overhand.
Glad to hear that you weren't responsible.
I guess from his point of view, he was doing the right thing.
Oh well.
Woke up today to Major Chee's phone call -_-.
At first, I was quite relieved to get 3 days mc, because morning till night, its been work work work for camp. And so many projects need me, plus so many things have been going wrong with camp. So I thought I would finally get a breather to watch smallville and play dota. BUT THEN I JUST REALIZED THAT I STILL NEED TO CONTINUE WORK ON THIS CRAP REGARDLESS OF WHAT HAPPENS.
The problem with working from home is that right now my home is not a home; its an office. The last thing creeping into the recesses of my mind is work when I go to bed, and the first thing I think about when I wake is the deadlines and renderings.
My only solace right now is the few minutes I take to blog down my thoughts here and rewind, and the time spent outside training and eating.
Maybe thats why I want to get out of here so much.
Anyway about the mc...
Wanted to go and renew passport with the bonsai, then was crossing this knee-high green fence, when all of a sudden I realized that my 3/4 pants was restricting the angle of which I could raise my leg causing me to over-compensate and miss the step on the fence. Wanted to reposition myself, but it was too late, because my centre of gravity had already passed the fence, and there was no way for me to push myself back now... there was even the risk of landing right smack in the middle on my third leg in which case it would be omgwtf.
So, the only alternative was for me to brace forward, and I managed to break fall for my precious wrists. But it seemed I also accidentally knee jabbed the fence with my left knee.
So yeah, deep laceration... I could see my damn vein inside the wound... alot of plasma and blood, and two small chunks of meat were dropping out. I managed to get one chunk out... but the other one... was dangling all the way to the clinic. Now isn't that just a jolly good image to have!
The doctor identified the chunk as "fat", which I then gladly let him take out. 2 damn stitches. I hate needles... lots of bad memories.
I hate falling down, that's why I quit extreme blading.
Still remember the time I tried to grind a railing on this slope, and lost balance, ending up with two bloody knees and blood everywhere. I mean, rolling down staircases backwards, jumping everywhere and creating sparks from the blades with T-slides is fun, but screw up and there's no "game over, retry?" screen. Nor even a save game slot. Life is a very irritating game in this aspect.
Bonsai was thoroughly amused in some perversed manner while he was watching me get the stitches... even took a video of it wtf.
Normal people have to control themselves not to scream in pain if the doctor is stitching your knee. I have to control like hell just to not kick him. Could feel the familiar hot sensation... then the energy building up in my right leg... then had to quickly concentrate on the tissue box that I was holding and breathe out. But the screwed up part is after I manage to relax myself, then I would feel the pain. Talk about a lose-lose situation.
Funny thing is, I'm not as scared of needles as I used to be. After having needles poked through me and current passing through those needles, there's not alot of situations that can top that, eh? All thanks to the side-effects of recce training.
I need to boycott work lar... its not natural for someone to keep thinking about these things.
Bonsai expressed his feeling of growing weaker at the sight of someone else's open wound. Funny, I thought that I was the only one who had that kind of reaction last time. Actually, now, I'm not sure what kind of reaction I would have. On retrospect that doctor clearly had no qualms about it.
At first, I was quite relieved to get 3 days mc, because morning till night, its been work work work for camp. And so many projects need me, plus so many things have been going wrong with camp. So I thought I would finally get a breather to watch smallville and play dota. BUT THEN I JUST REALIZED THAT I STILL NEED TO CONTINUE WORK ON THIS CRAP REGARDLESS OF WHAT HAPPENS.
The problem with working from home is that right now my home is not a home; its an office. The last thing creeping into the recesses of my mind is work when I go to bed, and the first thing I think about when I wake is the deadlines and renderings.
My only solace right now is the few minutes I take to blog down my thoughts here and rewind, and the time spent outside training and eating.
Maybe thats why I want to get out of here so much.
Anyway about the mc...
Wanted to go and renew passport with the bonsai, then was crossing this knee-high green fence, when all of a sudden I realized that my 3/4 pants was restricting the angle of which I could raise my leg causing me to over-compensate and miss the step on the fence. Wanted to reposition myself, but it was too late, because my centre of gravity had already passed the fence, and there was no way for me to push myself back now... there was even the risk of landing right smack in the middle on my third leg in which case it would be omgwtf.
So, the only alternative was for me to brace forward, and I managed to break fall for my precious wrists. But it seemed I also accidentally knee jabbed the fence with my left knee.
So yeah, deep laceration... I could see my damn vein inside the wound... alot of plasma and blood, and two small chunks of meat were dropping out. I managed to get one chunk out... but the other one... was dangling all the way to the clinic. Now isn't that just a jolly good image to have!
The doctor identified the chunk as "fat", which I then gladly let him take out. 2 damn stitches. I hate needles... lots of bad memories.
I hate falling down, that's why I quit extreme blading.
Still remember the time I tried to grind a railing on this slope, and lost balance, ending up with two bloody knees and blood everywhere. I mean, rolling down staircases backwards, jumping everywhere and creating sparks from the blades with T-slides is fun, but screw up and there's no "game over, retry?" screen. Nor even a save game slot. Life is a very irritating game in this aspect.
Bonsai was thoroughly amused in some perversed manner while he was watching me get the stitches... even took a video of it wtf.
Normal people have to control themselves not to scream in pain if the doctor is stitching your knee. I have to control like hell just to not kick him. Could feel the familiar hot sensation... then the energy building up in my right leg... then had to quickly concentrate on the tissue box that I was holding and breathe out. But the screwed up part is after I manage to relax myself, then I would feel the pain. Talk about a lose-lose situation.
Funny thing is, I'm not as scared of needles as I used to be. After having needles poked through me and current passing through those needles, there's not alot of situations that can top that, eh? All thanks to the side-effects of recce training.
I need to boycott work lar... its not natural for someone to keep thinking about these things.
Bonsai expressed his feeling of growing weaker at the sight of someone else's open wound. Funny, I thought that I was the only one who had that kind of reaction last time. Actually, now, I'm not sure what kind of reaction I would have. On retrospect that doctor clearly had no qualms about it.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Oh my god.
Got bombarded by calls from camp today.
So many things going wrong.
And I'm needed in so many places.
Why does the army do things in such stupid ways? And I always need to help them find solutions to these problems?
Just when things were following plan, more problems occur. Sigh...
It was inevitable, I suppose. Need to pull everything together yet again.
Got bombarded by calls from camp today.
So many things going wrong.
And I'm needed in so many places.
Why does the army do things in such stupid ways? And I always need to help them find solutions to these problems?
Just when things were following plan, more problems occur. Sigh...
It was inevitable, I suppose. Need to pull everything together yet again.
Was still pondering over how to overcome those last 10-15 strokes.
Then it hit me, in the train on the way home just now. I remembered the solution that I probably thought off in my sleep.
Those months of research a few years ago suddenly replayed in my head. It seemed like I had nothing to lose to try again. So I went over to GNC to scout around, and found what I was looking for. They got smart, at last, getting back to basics by just including simple salts like phosphorus and sodium, and adding some L-glutamine into the mix. Instead of all the ridiculous overpriced, senseless compounds on the market nowadays.
But one card is not enough to start a game with. There's still the combining of technique left to do this week, as well as 'that' training program.
Can't remember when was the last time I got so fired up for a race.
Then it hit me, in the train on the way home just now. I remembered the solution that I probably thought off in my sleep.
Those months of research a few years ago suddenly replayed in my head. It seemed like I had nothing to lose to try again. So I went over to GNC to scout around, and found what I was looking for. They got smart, at last, getting back to basics by just including simple salts like phosphorus and sodium, and adding some L-glutamine into the mix. Instead of all the ridiculous overpriced, senseless compounds on the market nowadays.
But one card is not enough to start a game with. There's still the combining of technique left to do this week, as well as 'that' training program.
Can't remember when was the last time I got so fired up for a race.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Today's time trial went ok.
After the first lap of warmup, could see sensei's face behind those shades trying very hard not to smile. Because he knows that if I saw him smile like that, I'd get cocky. But I saw it leak out anyway :p
He tried to teach me the scf stroke. Kinda apprehensive about that at first, because it feels like my old stroke, instead of my new stroke.
Did some 250 sets. Can't pull as fast with the new stroke, because not really used to it... but second set managed to clock 59 seconds again anyway. Need to find a way to combine the front catch and my flash stoke.
Feels kinda weird being infront of the other boats. The current team has some interesting rowers.
There's one junior, came in about half a boat length behind me for the first set. He was pretty excited and expressed his intention to beat me the next set. Reminds me of myself when I was still in the team. Slowly aiming to beat every senior and potential rival, until I became number one. Unfortunately for me back then, there was one strong rower who always kept me at number two.
And unfortunately for that junior I beat him by one boat length for the next set.
A little dissapointed that there wasn't anyone in the current team who could beat me today. But cannot be complacent as there will be much stronger rowers in next weekend's race.
I still remember my first T1 race in that reservoir. Only trained for a couple of months before the race. It was race-practice, or exposure, or whatever nonsense, but I still didn't believe that a noob couldn't beat the experienced rowers out there.
Near the end of the finish line that day, I remember the shortness of breath, the pain everywhere from lactic burn, the frustration, then everything slowly getting darker... darker... then the next thing I knew, I was floating in the water, the njc and ntu boat circling around to come and help recover me.
I suppose I could say I rowed my heart, soul, lungs and spirit out until I blacked out for that set haha.
Right now, my race plan involves me hitting my muscular limit at about 10-15 strokes away from completing the race. A good sign that I'm not hitting my cardio limit instead, but need to find a way to burst for those 10-15 strokes instead of dying out, because if I die out and slow down, the other boats will overtake me in those last few crucial meters.
If I managed to do that somehow, I'll be able to shave-off at least 2-4 seconds, resultant timing: 57-55 seconds. Then I can gg. As it is right now, my start burst will leave the rest of the competitors at least one or half boat behind - unless there's some genious who can keep up with me for the front period, which is highly improbable with scf's current training style. Then again I need to update my research on the new coach anyway. I'll need that lead to kick up into higher drive then keep upping gear until those last 10-15 strokes, then somehow hope I can summon the adrenaline and will to final burst.
6 days to race. I have yet to do the forbidden training. Maybe I've been putting it off because I'm scared of it. But its gotta be done before the race, otherwise I won't be completely ready.
Sigh. Time to get back to work.
Kinda sucks having to juggle so many projects so that I can go for the indo race. Luckily for me, the incubation problem solving method comes second-nature by now, saving me a huge amount of time.
After the first lap of warmup, could see sensei's face behind those shades trying very hard not to smile. Because he knows that if I saw him smile like that, I'd get cocky. But I saw it leak out anyway :p
He tried to teach me the scf stroke. Kinda apprehensive about that at first, because it feels like my old stroke, instead of my new stroke.
Did some 250 sets. Can't pull as fast with the new stroke, because not really used to it... but second set managed to clock 59 seconds again anyway. Need to find a way to combine the front catch and my flash stoke.
Feels kinda weird being infront of the other boats. The current team has some interesting rowers.
There's one junior, came in about half a boat length behind me for the first set. He was pretty excited and expressed his intention to beat me the next set. Reminds me of myself when I was still in the team. Slowly aiming to beat every senior and potential rival, until I became number one. Unfortunately for me back then, there was one strong rower who always kept me at number two.
And unfortunately for that junior I beat him by one boat length for the next set.
A little dissapointed that there wasn't anyone in the current team who could beat me today. But cannot be complacent as there will be much stronger rowers in next weekend's race.
I still remember my first T1 race in that reservoir. Only trained for a couple of months before the race. It was race-practice, or exposure, or whatever nonsense, but I still didn't believe that a noob couldn't beat the experienced rowers out there.
Near the end of the finish line that day, I remember the shortness of breath, the pain everywhere from lactic burn, the frustration, then everything slowly getting darker... darker... then the next thing I knew, I was floating in the water, the njc and ntu boat circling around to come and help recover me.
I suppose I could say I rowed my heart, soul, lungs and spirit out until I blacked out for that set haha.
Right now, my race plan involves me hitting my muscular limit at about 10-15 strokes away from completing the race. A good sign that I'm not hitting my cardio limit instead, but need to find a way to burst for those 10-15 strokes instead of dying out, because if I die out and slow down, the other boats will overtake me in those last few crucial meters.
If I managed to do that somehow, I'll be able to shave-off at least 2-4 seconds, resultant timing: 57-55 seconds. Then I can gg. As it is right now, my start burst will leave the rest of the competitors at least one or half boat behind - unless there's some genious who can keep up with me for the front period, which is highly improbable with scf's current training style. Then again I need to update my research on the new coach anyway. I'll need that lead to kick up into higher drive then keep upping gear until those last 10-15 strokes, then somehow hope I can summon the adrenaline and will to final burst.
6 days to race. I have yet to do the forbidden training. Maybe I've been putting it off because I'm scared of it. But its gotta be done before the race, otherwise I won't be completely ready.
Sigh. Time to get back to work.
Kinda sucks having to juggle so many projects so that I can go for the indo race. Luckily for me, the incubation problem solving method comes second-nature by now, saving me a huge amount of time.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Damn song stuck on my head... had to get it out, so here it is: Milkshake by Kelis combined with CHOCOBO.
www.reubenkee.com/music/remixes/milkshake no chocobo.mp3
www.reubenkee.com/music/remixes/milkshake no chocobo.mp3
Friday, July 14, 2006
He's giving me that usual cocky smile. Stupid sunny. About 1.3 times my height and size. Two heads taller, longer legs for longer reach, damn heavy, difficult to throw his cg off. But somehow I like to spar with him. He's the biggest, tallest guy in the squad, alot heavier, and loves to pick on me. I love a challenge.
The rest of the guys have their eyes on us, they know that every time "sagat and ryu" fight, its for something deeper. The nicknames got around because Sunny's huge as sagat and I'm well... just smaller.
Rooster as usual referees for us. He calls for us to face him, then bow, face each other then bow, then ready stance.
I shift back my right leg and do my usual battle cry. Sunny does the same but starts hopping about and makes stupid sounds like bruce lee.
I don't know how to attack. If I do a frontal attack, he will probably slammy kick me before I get within suitable range because he has longer legs.
Only can wait for him to make the first move, then hope that I'm fast enough to counter attack.
Sure enough, he does his usual turning kick openings. I keep shifting to the back and sides to stay out of reach. But while I'm just slightly out of his range, hes well out of my range, keeping me at a disadvantage.
I stand ground to block his kick and snap a short forward kick to stop his offensive. He bites the bait and blocks my kick.
I'm panting, he's panting. Need to gather my thoughts quickly. Calm down... read him, I can do this.
So far he's been pushing me around with the offensive, so he's going to assume to continue to do so. Instead of dodging I'll stand ground to land a counter attack.
I shift my weight forward on to my left leg, and lean forward slightly. This will make him think I'm going offensive or fall short of range when he wants to attack me.
I lock onto his eyes. I see him hesitate at first... he knows I'm up to something.
Come on... come on... attack... come on...
He gives me a smirk, then his eyes shift to my torso, He's coming!
He doesn't fall for my stance, instead of aiming for my torso, in which case I could shift my weight back to the rear leg and land a counter attack. Instead he's calculated for me to shift back and comes even nearer so that he will not miss.
But that's what I was hoping for. With his attack focus slightly off behind me, I quickly shift forward and lightly block his knee as I hear his kick whiff.
I feel my right fist tightening, and it makes contact with his left chest. I push again after for second impact and hope to throw him off-balance.
But it doesn't work, and by the time I throw out my kick he's blocked it.
He raises an eyebrow and lets out a sarcastic "whoah".
Stupid cocky asshole.
I get an idea.
He advances with a slammy kick, I quickly shift back to dodge his vertical blow, then he moves for a turning kick - too high for what I have in mind, shift back and dodge. Another turning kick - still too high, shift back and dodge. Front kick - This one is what I wanted, a mid torso height attack.
I stand ground, enter block stance with my left arm while slowly bringing my right arm forward to my left. Right before impact I make a fist with my right hand and feel his shin against my knuckles.
He recovers from his attack and I watch his stance for the effect. Weight resting on rear foot, which means my cheap block did the trick on his front leg.
Nows my chance. I launch forward with a turning kick, though still out of range, but to set him on the defensive. He has to shift back to dodge my second turning kick, then its time for me to score the point.
I combo the second turning kick into a 360 kick.
He's still shifting back and within range while I rotate my torso to gain enough momentum and speed for the kick.
360 kick packs a huge punch, but the startup time is long, so its risky.
I feel both legs lift-off from the ground, then have to turn my head away from him as the kick requires me to rotate one full circle. I feel my right leg rising, full compression, then the snap.
He's within visible range again and I finish the kick, but miss. He moved back and out of range again. But when? How? So fast? Shit!
I see him turn to face backwards as he bends down and his leg comes towards me.
I'm moving backwards for some reason, need air all of a sudden, then realize that its because the airs been knocked out of me. Clumsily stumble a few steps back before I steady my stance.
White spots everywhere, bright flashing dots. Some flying around, some stationary, I try to focus on some before realizing what the heck is going on. He hit me with a backthrust kick. He held back as usual so I only stumbled a few steps instead of flying back and rolling into the wall.
I hear his voice, then realize that I'm still looking at him.
"You ok or not? Don't look so good."
Cocky ass.
"Yeah... no problem."
"Let's end it here for today, ok?"
Somehow the memory of this particular sparring session has been reoccuring to me for some reason. Sparring is about playing by ear, you can plan all you want, but the best points are made by reaction.
I think for all my post-fight analysis and ability to recall matches clearly, I still couldn't beat Sunny because I could only plan to keep up with him, whereas he reacted better and threw my plans out of the window.
This memory makes it more clear to me why my reactions got so violent in the past.
Regret for being too complacent in every match, regretting losing because I always thought too much.
That's why when I'm in that zone, I filter out all conscious thought.
I think I finally stumbled upon to key to help myself out of this mess thats been following me around for years, usually dormant, but scary when out.
Awareness is the first step to fixing anything.
The rest of the guys have their eyes on us, they know that every time "sagat and ryu" fight, its for something deeper. The nicknames got around because Sunny's huge as sagat and I'm well... just smaller.
Rooster as usual referees for us. He calls for us to face him, then bow, face each other then bow, then ready stance.
I shift back my right leg and do my usual battle cry. Sunny does the same but starts hopping about and makes stupid sounds like bruce lee.
I don't know how to attack. If I do a frontal attack, he will probably slammy kick me before I get within suitable range because he has longer legs.
Only can wait for him to make the first move, then hope that I'm fast enough to counter attack.
Sure enough, he does his usual turning kick openings. I keep shifting to the back and sides to stay out of reach. But while I'm just slightly out of his range, hes well out of my range, keeping me at a disadvantage.
I stand ground to block his kick and snap a short forward kick to stop his offensive. He bites the bait and blocks my kick.
I'm panting, he's panting. Need to gather my thoughts quickly. Calm down... read him, I can do this.
So far he's been pushing me around with the offensive, so he's going to assume to continue to do so. Instead of dodging I'll stand ground to land a counter attack.
I shift my weight forward on to my left leg, and lean forward slightly. This will make him think I'm going offensive or fall short of range when he wants to attack me.
I lock onto his eyes. I see him hesitate at first... he knows I'm up to something.
Come on... come on... attack... come on...
He gives me a smirk, then his eyes shift to my torso, He's coming!
He doesn't fall for my stance, instead of aiming for my torso, in which case I could shift my weight back to the rear leg and land a counter attack. Instead he's calculated for me to shift back and comes even nearer so that he will not miss.
But that's what I was hoping for. With his attack focus slightly off behind me, I quickly shift forward and lightly block his knee as I hear his kick whiff.
I feel my right fist tightening, and it makes contact with his left chest. I push again after for second impact and hope to throw him off-balance.
But it doesn't work, and by the time I throw out my kick he's blocked it.
He raises an eyebrow and lets out a sarcastic "whoah".
Stupid cocky asshole.
I get an idea.
He advances with a slammy kick, I quickly shift back to dodge his vertical blow, then he moves for a turning kick - too high for what I have in mind, shift back and dodge. Another turning kick - still too high, shift back and dodge. Front kick - This one is what I wanted, a mid torso height attack.
I stand ground, enter block stance with my left arm while slowly bringing my right arm forward to my left. Right before impact I make a fist with my right hand and feel his shin against my knuckles.
He recovers from his attack and I watch his stance for the effect. Weight resting on rear foot, which means my cheap block did the trick on his front leg.
Nows my chance. I launch forward with a turning kick, though still out of range, but to set him on the defensive. He has to shift back to dodge my second turning kick, then its time for me to score the point.
I combo the second turning kick into a 360 kick.
He's still shifting back and within range while I rotate my torso to gain enough momentum and speed for the kick.
360 kick packs a huge punch, but the startup time is long, so its risky.
I feel both legs lift-off from the ground, then have to turn my head away from him as the kick requires me to rotate one full circle. I feel my right leg rising, full compression, then the snap.
He's within visible range again and I finish the kick, but miss. He moved back and out of range again. But when? How? So fast? Shit!
I see him turn to face backwards as he bends down and his leg comes towards me.
I'm moving backwards for some reason, need air all of a sudden, then realize that its because the airs been knocked out of me. Clumsily stumble a few steps back before I steady my stance.
White spots everywhere, bright flashing dots. Some flying around, some stationary, I try to focus on some before realizing what the heck is going on. He hit me with a backthrust kick. He held back as usual so I only stumbled a few steps instead of flying back and rolling into the wall.
I hear his voice, then realize that I'm still looking at him.
"You ok or not? Don't look so good."
Cocky ass.
"Yeah... no problem."
"Let's end it here for today, ok?"
Somehow the memory of this particular sparring session has been reoccuring to me for some reason. Sparring is about playing by ear, you can plan all you want, but the best points are made by reaction.
I think for all my post-fight analysis and ability to recall matches clearly, I still couldn't beat Sunny because I could only plan to keep up with him, whereas he reacted better and threw my plans out of the window.
This memory makes it more clear to me why my reactions got so violent in the past.
Regret for being too complacent in every match, regretting losing because I always thought too much.
That's why when I'm in that zone, I filter out all conscious thought.
I think I finally stumbled upon to key to help myself out of this mess thats been following me around for years, usually dormant, but scary when out.
Awareness is the first step to fixing anything.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
The... work... keeps... pouring... in!
Today's presentation went ok... considering the fact that I accidentally left half of the presentation at home -_-. Managed to smoke my way through though.
Went to study the training circuit grounds in the land rover. Tracks made for tanks are not meant for normal vehicles to pass through... especially when tanks like to leave track marks behind or small ditches, making the rover simulate an overcharged osim massage chair.
It was fun, though. Speeding around in the great outfield wearing civilian in a rover is not something you get to do everyday.
We talked about rowing, and the future. I suppose he's right when he said that there's really no future in rowing. You can't make a living through it and you could be investing your time in activities more fitting for a CV.
Was searching hard for a witty rebuttal, but nothing surfaced. We do what we do for fun, but that fun will not produce any monetary rewards, so when you look at it, its really something one can do only if you can afford to expend your time in it.
Can one really justify what he does for passion or fun? It could give one the drive for life, it could mold his character, train his wit, intellect and awareness of himself and surroundings, but it can not produce the one thing necessary for survival - money.
Why did I start rowing? For fun? For the team? For the physique?
Nearing the end of my secondary school days, I knew that I didn't want to take the conventional path. I thought that only stupid people, who didn't know what they wanted in life would follow society's direction on what was the right path to take. Afterall, only the indecisive require external guidances. I would not allow another person to tell me what I should do for the rest of my life.
I instead chose to follow my dreams. Game design. Its every gamer's dream, I guess. But a normal gamer I was not. Working on a game engine that won me the title for character of the year consecutively for two years, which was voted on by the large community. Something I even used to my advantage for a project in school once, and instantly snagged a distinction for that module.
Come NS. I find people whom also don't want to follow society's road signs. It seems, at this time, people are just beginning to wonder what is it they they want in life. Some people are only just discovering themselves, others are just realizing that they have the power to control their own path and stray away from the common roads in life.
Yet few lack the courage to actually set forth and venture into the unlit and unchartered channels. Its only logical, afterall. Common perception is that the failure rate is high. Or perhaps they lack the imagination to map out new destinations.
I look at where I wanted to venture at first, and where I am headed now. The destination has changed. When I did set out for a new path, I found that another one suited me much better. Music.
At first it seemed like too-grand a dream. And everyone around me told me that you need qualifications, diplomas, certificates, degrees, to open doors.
Yet when I saw the people who possessed these so-called "magical keys", I was dissapointed. I set out to prove to myself, that I could out-do these people.
Despite all this, there are times when I wonder if this life really is better than the normal route?
JC, OCS, maybe uni?
Somehow I might probably end up in uni anyway. Or will i continue to be stubborn?
No doubt, a genius can outshine a moron with a degree, but a genious with a degree could probably go further.
Yet alas in all this planning, where does rowing fit into the picture?
-It makes life much more fun.
-It will help getting into uni.
-It prevents you from turning into fat shit of skinny loser.
-It helps you learn more about people and how to...
Not things very necessary for survival at first glance. Ahhh but look at the deeper implications. Personal development. PR skills training, and networking, all in one. All while making you a tougher person mentally and emotionally- usually. There are gifted exceptions *chuckle*.
Okay, this was the longest entry for a long time. I think I needed to unwind from all this work. I'm afraid I may begin to start hating tanks soon -_-.
Today's presentation went ok... considering the fact that I accidentally left half of the presentation at home -_-. Managed to smoke my way through though.
Went to study the training circuit grounds in the land rover. Tracks made for tanks are not meant for normal vehicles to pass through... especially when tanks like to leave track marks behind or small ditches, making the rover simulate an overcharged osim massage chair.
It was fun, though. Speeding around in the great outfield wearing civilian in a rover is not something you get to do everyday.
We talked about rowing, and the future. I suppose he's right when he said that there's really no future in rowing. You can't make a living through it and you could be investing your time in activities more fitting for a CV.
Was searching hard for a witty rebuttal, but nothing surfaced. We do what we do for fun, but that fun will not produce any monetary rewards, so when you look at it, its really something one can do only if you can afford to expend your time in it.
Can one really justify what he does for passion or fun? It could give one the drive for life, it could mold his character, train his wit, intellect and awareness of himself and surroundings, but it can not produce the one thing necessary for survival - money.
Why did I start rowing? For fun? For the team? For the physique?
Nearing the end of my secondary school days, I knew that I didn't want to take the conventional path. I thought that only stupid people, who didn't know what they wanted in life would follow society's direction on what was the right path to take. Afterall, only the indecisive require external guidances. I would not allow another person to tell me what I should do for the rest of my life.
I instead chose to follow my dreams. Game design. Its every gamer's dream, I guess. But a normal gamer I was not. Working on a game engine that won me the title for character of the year consecutively for two years, which was voted on by the large community. Something I even used to my advantage for a project in school once, and instantly snagged a distinction for that module.
Come NS. I find people whom also don't want to follow society's road signs. It seems, at this time, people are just beginning to wonder what is it they they want in life. Some people are only just discovering themselves, others are just realizing that they have the power to control their own path and stray away from the common roads in life.
Yet few lack the courage to actually set forth and venture into the unlit and unchartered channels. Its only logical, afterall. Common perception is that the failure rate is high. Or perhaps they lack the imagination to map out new destinations.
I look at where I wanted to venture at first, and where I am headed now. The destination has changed. When I did set out for a new path, I found that another one suited me much better. Music.
At first it seemed like too-grand a dream. And everyone around me told me that you need qualifications, diplomas, certificates, degrees, to open doors.
Yet when I saw the people who possessed these so-called "magical keys", I was dissapointed. I set out to prove to myself, that I could out-do these people.
Despite all this, there are times when I wonder if this life really is better than the normal route?
JC, OCS, maybe uni?
Somehow I might probably end up in uni anyway. Or will i continue to be stubborn?
No doubt, a genius can outshine a moron with a degree, but a genious with a degree could probably go further.
Yet alas in all this planning, where does rowing fit into the picture?
-It makes life much more fun.
-It will help getting into uni.
-It prevents you from turning into fat shit of skinny loser.
-It helps you learn more about people and how to...
Not things very necessary for survival at first glance. Ahhh but look at the deeper implications. Personal development. PR skills training, and networking, all in one. All while making you a tougher person mentally and emotionally- usually. There are gifted exceptions *chuckle*.
Okay, this was the longest entry for a long time. I think I needed to unwind from all this work. I'm afraid I may begin to start hating tanks soon -_-.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
11:46 mins for the usual route. Which is... my pb for that route. But... unlike the previous time that I hit that timing, I didn't feel like dying. In fact, it was much more comfortable. Probably because the stitches weren't bothering me... or maybe my vo2 max miraculously adapted to that pace after the last life-threatening run.
I should go for more life-threatening runs ahuahua.
Body is adapting to the statics routine... time to change again soon. Sigh.
I'm finding that my drive to do weights is going down. Probably because there's no one who can trash me anymore. Its boring being at the top. I see them struggling so hard just to catch up and I wish that I could feel that again. If not for the company of the bonsai plant nowadays, I'd probably end up only doing running and end up becoming a kenyan runner.
Maybe I need to arrange for another secret training session with boonsan again. Its a pity that he won't be around for the individual rowing tests this month... I was wondering who would break the draw. Right now iirc its... 2:2? Maybe getting beaten will throw me back into hardcore training mode.
I should go for more life-threatening runs ahuahua.
Body is adapting to the statics routine... time to change again soon. Sigh.
I'm finding that my drive to do weights is going down. Probably because there's no one who can trash me anymore. Its boring being at the top. I see them struggling so hard just to catch up and I wish that I could feel that again. If not for the company of the bonsai plant nowadays, I'd probably end up only doing running and end up becoming a kenyan runner.
Maybe I need to arrange for another secret training session with boonsan again. Its a pity that he won't be around for the individual rowing tests this month... I was wondering who would break the draw. Right now iirc its... 2:2? Maybe getting beaten will throw me back into hardcore training mode.
Smell something bad coming up from camp. Luckily I still have 2 cards to deal with that.
I managed to finish everything 4 hours head of schedule. All that's left is the rendering.
Tomorrow's going to be yet another stressful day in camp. Sometimes I feel so dumb spending 3 hours travelling to and back camp when its only for 30 mins/1 hour of time spent in camp.
These few months of work... creating the image of the future of the institute, working on the representation of the battalion to impress the hell out of the other formations, planning out an entire training circuit, and bringing another training circuit to life.
In the army, praise is usually unheard of. We do what we do for duty. Do it ok, and you get asked to do it well. Do it well, and you get more work. Do it poorly, and you get "noticed".
I know why B wants me to be around for the commisioning, it will be the only day when all our work is finally unveiled. When everything will come to light. It should be a proud day.
But I won't be there. I'll let him enjoy the praise on my behalf.
The reasons why I need to go for the indo race have been packing up at an alarming rate.
Uh oh... brain shutting down.
Time to set to render, and go and run.
I managed to finish everything 4 hours head of schedule. All that's left is the rendering.
Tomorrow's going to be yet another stressful day in camp. Sometimes I feel so dumb spending 3 hours travelling to and back camp when its only for 30 mins/1 hour of time spent in camp.
These few months of work... creating the image of the future of the institute, working on the representation of the battalion to impress the hell out of the other formations, planning out an entire training circuit, and bringing another training circuit to life.
In the army, praise is usually unheard of. We do what we do for duty. Do it ok, and you get asked to do it well. Do it well, and you get more work. Do it poorly, and you get "noticed".
I know why B wants me to be around for the commisioning, it will be the only day when all our work is finally unveiled. When everything will come to light. It should be a proud day.
But I won't be there. I'll let him enjoy the praise on my behalf.
The reasons why I need to go for the indo race have been packing up at an alarming rate.
Uh oh... brain shutting down.
Time to set to render, and go and run.
Today's mission on the morning was a success. Didn't run through as what I had expected, but playing by ear always helps.
Talking with boss is always a learning experience. I'm suprised at the things I learn everytime we converse.
Erm... almost assaulted a Major in the office - in self defence.
Went to swim abit... almost sprained my back doing butterfly stroke... oh brother.
Gym, hairstyling 101, then canoeing, then dragonboat.
1 second faster today... 58 seconds. Mr Heng proudly boasts his new NTU team does a minimum of 55 seconds (notice he did not state that he could, but the team did :p), So... I'll aim to shave off 4 seconds more.
Quite possible... my course was a little off today, and almost lost concentration toward the end. Work these out and things are looking up.
Went to eat with DL after training. Very intuitive guy. He's very hungry for knowledge in that matter, tho still searching. Think he was ready, to see things on a whole new level.
The higher level. I divulged some of my learnings from the rules of power, as it seems he's learning at an alarming rate. I wonder how far he will go now.
Tired, tomorrow the real battle begins. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I'll fight for the indo trip.
Besides, I said that I believe in what the saf is trying to achieve, and right now, I'm the only person to bridge the first gap.
Talking with boss is always a learning experience. I'm suprised at the things I learn everytime we converse.
Erm... almost assaulted a Major in the office - in self defence.
Went to swim abit... almost sprained my back doing butterfly stroke... oh brother.
Gym, hairstyling 101, then canoeing, then dragonboat.
1 second faster today... 58 seconds. Mr Heng proudly boasts his new NTU team does a minimum of 55 seconds (notice he did not state that he could, but the team did :p), So... I'll aim to shave off 4 seconds more.
Quite possible... my course was a little off today, and almost lost concentration toward the end. Work these out and things are looking up.
Went to eat with DL after training. Very intuitive guy. He's very hungry for knowledge in that matter, tho still searching. Think he was ready, to see things on a whole new level.
The higher level. I divulged some of my learnings from the rules of power, as it seems he's learning at an alarming rate. I wonder how far he will go now.
Tired, tomorrow the real battle begins. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I'll fight for the indo trip.
Besides, I said that I believe in what the saf is trying to achieve, and right now, I'm the only person to bridge the first gap.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Life has a way of screwing up your plans, big time. Especially when you are involved with the army.
Ridiculous.
I can't believe that I'll actually have to resort to my 3rd last contingency plan.
Sigh.
Went canoeing after gym today. Erm.... maybe overdid the triceps exercise... had to fallout after 10 sets of 30 sec sprints.
Anyway, did one time trial for 250m after that - 59 seconds.
Patrick said the fastest in scf is about 58 secs.
Taking into consideration I could have had some current assist, it looks like I have a chance.
Can almost taste it.
Cut 3 seconds in 1 weeks time.
Went to run and do the top secret abs exercise just now.
Bonsai doesn't stand a chance... the title is mine! muhahahha.
Ridiculous.
I can't believe that I'll actually have to resort to my 3rd last contingency plan.
Sigh.
Went canoeing after gym today. Erm.... maybe overdid the triceps exercise... had to fallout after 10 sets of 30 sec sprints.
Anyway, did one time trial for 250m after that - 59 seconds.
Patrick said the fastest in scf is about 58 secs.
Taking into consideration I could have had some current assist, it looks like I have a chance.
Can almost taste it.
Cut 3 seconds in 1 weeks time.
Went to run and do the top secret abs exercise just now.
Bonsai doesn't stand a chance... the title is mine! muhahahha.
To end off last night's post on a better note... we'll just have to wait and see how things go for now. I know that hee's got a plan to get the team on track, and I'm curious to find out what it is.
Went to make sure we were't missing any paddles in the cupboard just now... and I think I accidentally let in TWO THIEVES who made away with quite a generous stash. One looked like a bonsai, the other, an ape.
Anyway I'm suprised that the upper management and Mel knew so much about the situation when I supposedly only worked things out with Jem on friday. Jem and Mel haven't been telling me everything -_-;
I'm not sure about the indo race. Its too hasty to reconfigure my setup now just for a short trip, even though it would be fun. Not enough time to think through the possible counter-steps to my move.
Besides, Its quite a bombastic idea, but just maybe, a dragonboater will win a canoeists event for a short sprint event, just to add more irony to the canoeists winning a dragonboater's long distance event.
I walked through that place in town while waiting for her to arrive just now.
Went to make sure we were't missing any paddles in the cupboard just now... and I think I accidentally let in TWO THIEVES who made away with quite a generous stash. One looked like a bonsai, the other, an ape.
Anyway I'm suprised that the upper management and Mel knew so much about the situation when I supposedly only worked things out with Jem on friday. Jem and Mel haven't been telling me everything -_-;
I'm not sure about the indo race. Its too hasty to reconfigure my setup now just for a short trip, even though it would be fun. Not enough time to think through the possible counter-steps to my move.
Besides, Its quite a bombastic idea, but just maybe, a dragonboater will win a canoeists event for a short sprint event, just to add more irony to the canoeists winning a dragonboater's long distance event.
I walked through that place in town while waiting for her to arrive just now.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Just so tired, fed up, and dissapointed with some things.
Tired of trying to save team sdba. When people cannot commit.
But the conundrum lies therein the fact that, if you leave the team, just because some arse leaves. Then you will be a hyprocrite and no better than him.
Then at the most, team sdba will spend their time and train like hell, just to still lose to team scf.
Its a result that I have calculated time and time again, and no matter how much I wish, or hope that I had miscalculated, or lacked the foresight to consider any secondary factors, the result is still the same.
Maybe the bottom line of all this is that we had 24 names taken down today, but 5 of those names might as well not be there, and another 4 may drop out. Consider this with the fact that we cut the crew down from 26 to 10 for last sea games and STILL got trashed by the overseas teams. Now you want to send 20 rowers, whose attendance is going to be helter-skelter, and some don't even take the team seriously, to go and fight the overseas teams again?
I've seen how the spirits of so many of those who went and came back were crushed. When they really gave their all, but came back just to be boo'd by friends, other teams and the media.
Bullshit. If they think its so easy to make time from work and studies and commit to the national team, to sacrifice time away from friends, girlfriend, family, money. Then they can bloody hell come and try to do better. Some people only know how to critisize when they themselves can achieve no better. If you think you can do it, come and try.
Tomorrow is it. If the attendance for the time trial is screwed up again, Its time to finally speak out. If someone has to be the antagonist to give everyone a reality check, so be it.
Perhaps I should really just concentrate on SAFSA for now.
Maybe I'm just too tired and he's out again.
I know I'm not usually this pessimistic. I remember this feeling. Its not who I want to be. Not sure whats causing it at this point of time, but I'm glad that I can record it down so I can study it after it passes.
Maybe it was what Justin said. It was just a playful provocation but at that point of time, he was this close to...
Ahh nevermind.
No more feeding it for today, it ends now.
Tired of trying to save team sdba. When people cannot commit.
But the conundrum lies therein the fact that, if you leave the team, just because some arse leaves. Then you will be a hyprocrite and no better than him.
Then at the most, team sdba will spend their time and train like hell, just to still lose to team scf.
Its a result that I have calculated time and time again, and no matter how much I wish, or hope that I had miscalculated, or lacked the foresight to consider any secondary factors, the result is still the same.
Maybe the bottom line of all this is that we had 24 names taken down today, but 5 of those names might as well not be there, and another 4 may drop out. Consider this with the fact that we cut the crew down from 26 to 10 for last sea games and STILL got trashed by the overseas teams. Now you want to send 20 rowers, whose attendance is going to be helter-skelter, and some don't even take the team seriously, to go and fight the overseas teams again?
I've seen how the spirits of so many of those who went and came back were crushed. When they really gave their all, but came back just to be boo'd by friends, other teams and the media.
Bullshit. If they think its so easy to make time from work and studies and commit to the national team, to sacrifice time away from friends, girlfriend, family, money. Then they can bloody hell come and try to do better. Some people only know how to critisize when they themselves can achieve no better. If you think you can do it, come and try.
Tomorrow is it. If the attendance for the time trial is screwed up again, Its time to finally speak out. If someone has to be the antagonist to give everyone a reality check, so be it.
Perhaps I should really just concentrate on SAFSA for now.
Maybe I'm just too tired and he's out again.
I know I'm not usually this pessimistic. I remember this feeling. Its not who I want to be. Not sure whats causing it at this point of time, but I'm glad that I can record it down so I can study it after it passes.
Maybe it was what Justin said. It was just a playful provocation but at that point of time, he was this close to...
Ahh nevermind.
No more feeding it for today, it ends now.
Friday, July 07, 2006
Blargh.
Doing statics now.
Just now's run was... quite siong haha.
Start of run, knees started hurting... think I could have ran too much this week.
Then, felt like pushing further today, so upped the pace.
Stomach felt funny... then legs felt fuzzy, then went abit numb during the last 1km. Felt like I was gonna die... but I could imagine him right beside me... had to beat him. The one who dares to feel more pain wins. So I kept chionging. Then finish.
11:46 minutes, personal best timing for that route. Almost 30 seconds faster than my usual pace.
It was then when I discovered that something was wrong. Maybe it was the water I gulped down before the run, but it felt like I had the stitches, but not just at my side, it was everywhere in my damned abdomen.
Somehow managed to get back home... then lay down on my room floor. I wondered if I was going to die.
Wanted to give myself a deep heat... but whole body was wet, including hands... and wet hands = not enough charge and friction.
I wondered how stupid it was to die because of a run, yet garang in a way.
Then the pain subsided.
And I proceeded to do crunches.
Went climbing for 2 hours today. Can almost complete the yellow route... just 5 steps away argh...
Tomorrow's D-day.
Will be racing coach in the k1 before saf sa training. If I can't beat him, I'll forget about national champs. If I can completely blow him away, then I'll go for the race.
Ganbate Reu.
Doing statics now.
Just now's run was... quite siong haha.
Start of run, knees started hurting... think I could have ran too much this week.
Then, felt like pushing further today, so upped the pace.
Stomach felt funny... then legs felt fuzzy, then went abit numb during the last 1km. Felt like I was gonna die... but I could imagine him right beside me... had to beat him. The one who dares to feel more pain wins. So I kept chionging. Then finish.
11:46 minutes, personal best timing for that route. Almost 30 seconds faster than my usual pace.
It was then when I discovered that something was wrong. Maybe it was the water I gulped down before the run, but it felt like I had the stitches, but not just at my side, it was everywhere in my damned abdomen.
Somehow managed to get back home... then lay down on my room floor. I wondered if I was going to die.
Wanted to give myself a deep heat... but whole body was wet, including hands... and wet hands = not enough charge and friction.
I wondered how stupid it was to die because of a run, yet garang in a way.
Then the pain subsided.
And I proceeded to do crunches.
Went climbing for 2 hours today. Can almost complete the yellow route... just 5 steps away argh...
Tomorrow's D-day.
Will be racing coach in the k1 before saf sa training. If I can't beat him, I'll forget about national champs. If I can completely blow him away, then I'll go for the race.
Ganbate Reu.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Shit... indo trip is a no go for me.
And I was looking forward to it so much?
Duty to country. Sigh. It should be easy do the right thing instead of the thing you want to do, when you don't have a choice? But that doesn't seem to tbe the case at all.
Guess that means I'll be going for national champs after all then.
Rest day today.
Something wrong, I'm going mad.
Can't even play the piano properly and get a proper recording for the treant theme.
Are all geniuses crazy? Sometimes I wonder if having to think out of the box on such an often bases will warp one's perception of reality.
Every route will have its pros and cons, its perks and adverse effects.
Maybe blocking the disappointment of the trip is a good thing, but right now i can't feel anything else because of this.
I need to get away someplace far away. Sort everything out. Wanted to climb today, but my right middle finger felt like spraining on me again.
I like climbing, makes my forearms and fingers sore so I can't make a proper fist. And when I struggle to make a fist, it feels weak, which is a strange feeling. Sometimes I want to forget what its like to feel it coarsing through my arms and knuckles.
And I was looking forward to it so much?
Duty to country. Sigh. It should be easy do the right thing instead of the thing you want to do, when you don't have a choice? But that doesn't seem to tbe the case at all.
Guess that means I'll be going for national champs after all then.
Rest day today.
Something wrong, I'm going mad.
Can't even play the piano properly and get a proper recording for the treant theme.
Are all geniuses crazy? Sometimes I wonder if having to think out of the box on such an often bases will warp one's perception of reality.
Every route will have its pros and cons, its perks and adverse effects.
Maybe blocking the disappointment of the trip is a good thing, but right now i can't feel anything else because of this.
I need to get away someplace far away. Sort everything out. Wanted to climb today, but my right middle finger felt like spraining on me again.
I like climbing, makes my forearms and fingers sore so I can't make a proper fist. And when I struggle to make a fist, it feels weak, which is a strange feeling. Sometimes I want to forget what its like to feel it coarsing through my arms and knuckles.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
So my quads are STILL aching from sunday's warm up sprints. -_-;
Yesterday went for a slow run, 25 mins.
But today, "I DIE DIE MUST GO RUN ONE TIMES GOOD RUN", as Cedric would say.
I also seemed to have rammed my left knee into some metal pole near the pull up station in bishan gym when i was doing side pullups. To my utmost horror, after banging it while doing on the right side, I banged it again while doing on the left side. What are the odds of that? I mean, if you change side, you'd at worse hope to bang the other knee, but I had to bang the exact same spot on the same knee.
So it hurts when I walk up and down stairs, and abit while I run.
Was supposed to burst out a furious set of interval running, but the thought of charging down the insuspecting public at 10:30pm made me do the normal route instead.
12:14 today. I thought I was going faster today, but maybe it was just the lame pains and aches.
Getting the hang of climbing... Finger wasn't sprained as much today. Funny how when you have a strength, like arm power, you'd want to rely on it. But it wears out so fast. So I'm learning to use more legs and straighten arms like the rest of the non-superhuman climbers.
Anyway, lets talk about the race over the weekend, shall we?
In conclusion, dragon boaters are a bunch of superficial, confused, egoistic, misguided, inexperienced bunch of sports fanatics. But we enjoy our sport, so thats enough for us la :p
Canoeists bag the gold. I could rave about why canoeists will do better than dragonboaters locally, but I'm just so tired of it. After my stint in army, I'll probably go join ntu canoeing, or scf. -_-
Oooh I'll meet Mr Heng in NTU canoeing, won't I? Bwahaha, its not like I can't beat him in a k1 again :p Yes this is an open challenge, come race me again, melvin! :p
But I digress.
Right now I just want to enjoy rowing with my team mates for the time I have left in the team, without worrying about the management, without worrying about petty politics, without worrying about the juniors, and just enjoy rowing again.
This is all we have left, to be taken forgranted of.
Indonesia race at the end of the month with them. And for them I've shoved off my chance to prove myself again in the national canoeing championships.
Sigh. There are always more canoeing races to go for, I guess, but team mates won't be with you forever.
Yesterday went for a slow run, 25 mins.
But today, "I DIE DIE MUST GO RUN ONE TIMES GOOD RUN", as Cedric would say.
I also seemed to have rammed my left knee into some metal pole near the pull up station in bishan gym when i was doing side pullups. To my utmost horror, after banging it while doing on the right side, I banged it again while doing on the left side. What are the odds of that? I mean, if you change side, you'd at worse hope to bang the other knee, but I had to bang the exact same spot on the same knee.
So it hurts when I walk up and down stairs, and abit while I run.
Was supposed to burst out a furious set of interval running, but the thought of charging down the insuspecting public at 10:30pm made me do the normal route instead.
12:14 today. I thought I was going faster today, but maybe it was just the lame pains and aches.
Getting the hang of climbing... Finger wasn't sprained as much today. Funny how when you have a strength, like arm power, you'd want to rely on it. But it wears out so fast. So I'm learning to use more legs and straighten arms like the rest of the non-superhuman climbers.
Anyway, lets talk about the race over the weekend, shall we?
In conclusion, dragon boaters are a bunch of superficial, confused, egoistic, misguided, inexperienced bunch of sports fanatics. But we enjoy our sport, so thats enough for us la :p
Canoeists bag the gold. I could rave about why canoeists will do better than dragonboaters locally, but I'm just so tired of it. After my stint in army, I'll probably go join ntu canoeing, or scf. -_-
Oooh I'll meet Mr Heng in NTU canoeing, won't I? Bwahaha, its not like I can't beat him in a k1 again :p Yes this is an open challenge, come race me again, melvin! :p
But I digress.
Right now I just want to enjoy rowing with my team mates for the time I have left in the team, without worrying about the management, without worrying about petty politics, without worrying about the juniors, and just enjoy rowing again.
This is all we have left, to be taken forgranted of.
Indonesia race at the end of the month with them. And for them I've shoved off my chance to prove myself again in the national canoeing championships.
Sigh. There are always more canoeing races to go for, I guess, but team mates won't be with you forever.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
There are hundreds of species of harmful elements in our world.
The most powerful of which, affect our skin and bodies on the exterior.
But the weakest, those which cannot penetrate the skin or exterior, are the most deadly.
They harmlessly enter into the body of the host. Once settled, they will start to increase their influence with existing cells. They must befriend the cell first, so as to not attract attention of the immune system too early, and keep a low profile. With the help of the symbiont cells, it can then move on to place its influence in key establishments within the body, even convincing the controllers of the cells, those which are placed to regulate the system, that nothing is wrong.
Once that is done, it can continue to establish an environment suitable for its survival.
The exterior of any system is strong, because its meant to fight out unwanted elements. But get inside, and a myriad of vulnerabilities exist. Successful viruses are those who can manipulate any existing system inside the body, because alone, the virus is not strong enough.
The most powerful of which, affect our skin and bodies on the exterior.
But the weakest, those which cannot penetrate the skin or exterior, are the most deadly.
They harmlessly enter into the body of the host. Once settled, they will start to increase their influence with existing cells. They must befriend the cell first, so as to not attract attention of the immune system too early, and keep a low profile. With the help of the symbiont cells, it can then move on to place its influence in key establishments within the body, even convincing the controllers of the cells, those which are placed to regulate the system, that nothing is wrong.
Once that is done, it can continue to establish an environment suitable for its survival.
The exterior of any system is strong, because its meant to fight out unwanted elements. But get inside, and a myriad of vulnerabilities exist. Successful viruses are those who can manipulate any existing system inside the body, because alone, the virus is not strong enough.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Proposal for revision of DC's artificial intelligence module, by Reu:
Current sub-system 1: Random toggling of play-styles.
Description and plus side:
AI will roullete through 5-6 different styles of play-style. This is to prevent the player from catching the pattern in the AI's attack strategies and exploit holes. This will prevent the player from feeling like he is fighting against an AI by emulating personality and several routes of thought.
Down side:
Due to random toggling, some play-styles would seem very unintelligent to be executed in certain scenarios, player might feel that the AI is stupid.
Solution 1: Detection precautions for such scenarios to check against before executing such play-styles.
Solution 2: Active detection for player to be in vulnerable position or cancel current play-style mode if deemed ineffective at that point in time.
Play-style 1: Rush down - extremely offensive
Play-style 2: Counter attack - wait for opponent to attack and counter
Play-style 3: Suprise attack - Keep away from opponent and sneak in attack from far
Play-style 4: Run away - Do nothing but run away. Used to break monotony of only attacking.
Play-stle 5: Defensive - Do nothing but guard. Used to break monoty of only attacking.
Play-style 6: Random - Do anything illogical to throw player off-track from reading the AI.
Current sub-system 2: Fight memory
Description and plus side: Introduce a set of pre-determined precautionary functions to prevent exploits in the character's gameplay by the player should he find a loop hole that works for most, if not all of the AI's play-styles.
Down side: The precautionary function may open up a new loop hole instead. Since it is going to be a fixed reaction every time the player attempts to exploit the existing loop hole.
Solution 1: At least 3 levels of contingency precautinoary functions. This will make it much harder, almost impossible for the player to find the loop hole. This may not always be possible.
Solution 2: Revert back to original play-style. If AI detects the player exploiting the second stage of loop hole, reverting back to the original play style will close the loop hole, while although opening the first, the player will have to set up himself to open the first loop hole, while the AI will have a chance to throw his chain of thought out or defeat him.
Problem with current system 1: AI will completely obliterate a new player.
If the AI is too easy, experienced players will not feel challenged, if it is too hard, new players will get frustrated.
Solution 1: Detect difference in health variable. If AI is found to have a huge advantage, go into wuss mode and allow player to hit him.
Solution result: After testing with actual players, the "wuss mode" seems to be an insult to some players. By going easy on them, they feel that they have lost their chance to get even. Perhaps this is flattery to the AI system, since it can invoke such feelings.
Solution 2: Detect time spent in hit state. Longer time spent in hit state, would allow AI to perform more damaging combos, since a new player would not be able to produce very long combos. Objective result would be to produce proportionate damage for both sides.
Down Side: This solution requires a dependency on the player's actions. Hence, if the player increases his attack time at a fast rate, the AI may not have sufficient life variable to even out.
/End proposal
My quads are damn suan. At least I know that I can still sprint as fast as the chest-mastah.
Went climbing today. Maybe wasn't such a good idea to go after gym? Since like a girl could go further than me for a route? Anyway, main reason for going was to brush up on technique, and train fingers.
Perhaps I got more than I bargained for... Got lots of good advice from the experienced climbers there. But I think I sprained my fingers - again.
Who the hell sprains his fingers every time he goes bouldering? Good job, Reu.
Eyes are sleepy, but need to go run later.
Current sub-system 1: Random toggling of play-styles.
Description and plus side:
AI will roullete through 5-6 different styles of play-style. This is to prevent the player from catching the pattern in the AI's attack strategies and exploit holes. This will prevent the player from feeling like he is fighting against an AI by emulating personality and several routes of thought.
Down side:
Due to random toggling, some play-styles would seem very unintelligent to be executed in certain scenarios, player might feel that the AI is stupid.
Solution 1: Detection precautions for such scenarios to check against before executing such play-styles.
Solution 2: Active detection for player to be in vulnerable position or cancel current play-style mode if deemed ineffective at that point in time.
Play-style 1: Rush down - extremely offensive
Play-style 2: Counter attack - wait for opponent to attack and counter
Play-style 3: Suprise attack - Keep away from opponent and sneak in attack from far
Play-style 4: Run away - Do nothing but run away. Used to break monotony of only attacking.
Play-stle 5: Defensive - Do nothing but guard. Used to break monoty of only attacking.
Play-style 6: Random - Do anything illogical to throw player off-track from reading the AI.
Current sub-system 2: Fight memory
Description and plus side: Introduce a set of pre-determined precautionary functions to prevent exploits in the character's gameplay by the player should he find a loop hole that works for most, if not all of the AI's play-styles.
Down side: The precautionary function may open up a new loop hole instead. Since it is going to be a fixed reaction every time the player attempts to exploit the existing loop hole.
Solution 1: At least 3 levels of contingency precautinoary functions. This will make it much harder, almost impossible for the player to find the loop hole. This may not always be possible.
Solution 2: Revert back to original play-style. If AI detects the player exploiting the second stage of loop hole, reverting back to the original play style will close the loop hole, while although opening the first, the player will have to set up himself to open the first loop hole, while the AI will have a chance to throw his chain of thought out or defeat him.
Problem with current system 1: AI will completely obliterate a new player.
If the AI is too easy, experienced players will not feel challenged, if it is too hard, new players will get frustrated.
Solution 1: Detect difference in health variable. If AI is found to have a huge advantage, go into wuss mode and allow player to hit him.
Solution result: After testing with actual players, the "wuss mode" seems to be an insult to some players. By going easy on them, they feel that they have lost their chance to get even. Perhaps this is flattery to the AI system, since it can invoke such feelings.
Solution 2: Detect time spent in hit state. Longer time spent in hit state, would allow AI to perform more damaging combos, since a new player would not be able to produce very long combos. Objective result would be to produce proportionate damage for both sides.
Down Side: This solution requires a dependency on the player's actions. Hence, if the player increases his attack time at a fast rate, the AI may not have sufficient life variable to even out.
/End proposal
My quads are damn suan. At least I know that I can still sprint as fast as the chest-mastah.
Went climbing today. Maybe wasn't such a good idea to go after gym? Since like a girl could go further than me for a route? Anyway, main reason for going was to brush up on technique, and train fingers.
Perhaps I got more than I bargained for... Got lots of good advice from the experienced climbers there. But I think I sprained my fingers - again.
Who the hell sprains his fingers every time he goes bouldering? Good job, Reu.
Eyes are sleepy, but need to go run later.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
There are times when life is so ironic.
I felt what that person felt so many years ago. I felt what made him say what he did which made me hate him and look down on him so much.
Does this mean that I must look down on myself now?
Last night's run was 12:10. I improved to my normal timing... -_-;
These next few weeks is going to be quite screwed up.
It may seem and sound nice that I don't have to go back to camp like them, but the workload is really no joke.
Plus, while the rest of them were happily enjoying life after training, I had to do all sorts of stuff when i got home.
Going climbing tomorrow.
I felt what that person felt so many years ago. I felt what made him say what he did which made me hate him and look down on him so much.
Does this mean that I must look down on myself now?
Last night's run was 12:10. I improved to my normal timing... -_-;
These next few weeks is going to be quite screwed up.
It may seem and sound nice that I don't have to go back to camp like them, but the workload is really no joke.
Plus, while the rest of them were happily enjoying life after training, I had to do all sorts of stuff when i got home.
Going climbing tomorrow.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Race today.
1st for heats but timing sucked.
Need to make sure AH doesnt push timing again tml, need to control the timing.
Went to the nyp camp before warm up... tio rape... wth? Stupid Dennis haha.
Wish stuff for the attachment will quickly be settled.
I can't help anyone else until I help myself first.
1st for heats but timing sucked.
Need to make sure AH doesnt push timing again tml, need to control the timing.
Went to the nyp camp before warm up... tio rape... wth? Stupid Dennis haha.
Wish stuff for the attachment will quickly be settled.
I can't help anyone else until I help myself first.
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