Tonite's run: 8min warmup, 3 X 1.5mins dash, 1.5mins rest, 3 mins cooldown.

It was weird doing dashes with Nitec kia... cause I suppose I'm too used to doing intervals with CX. Anyway Nitec LOST OUT on the last set, then I felt like puking haha.

I suppose I've been bitching about the team and stuff so I ought to log down something good.

Coaching pays off when just one of those blur koks suddenly get enlightened and actually "get it". It gives me hope to see that sentient thought... or at least sentient psychometric progression exists. Its a good feeling seeing how you can assist a blur kok to transform into something that looks like he's possessed by the god of dragon boat.

I worry for the guys, because mr500 is so close, and there's too much to do.

But our main focus is in june anyway.


The media's catching up to me despite my attempts to keep low. But as much as I like keeping a low profile, as far as music is concerned, publicity, and just getting my name out there would help a great deal.

Also got asked to act in some chinese serial? I suppose it could be that big break for some people... but its just not my thing.




In other news.... sis bought an apparition of nature. Its so frickin hideous that I don't know if its a skunk or a dog or something inbetween....







Its like some fuzz-thing you see in an anime. It doesn't even resemble a dog.






Anyway I just had to post a pic of my awesome looking 1982 limited edition airforce 1s. Taken in the uv lighting in zouk:




Damn cool.

Talk about waking up to a bad day.

Of all people, two of the exco have to give me disciplinary problems. One is 30+ years old, the other supposedly has aspirations for this team.

How they could be so absent minded I have no idea.

All the other nteam rowers can come up for safsa training but they can stay on and continue rowing with nteam and be late for our training.

I don't know what they perceive a leader to be. He has to set the example, the standard. If we set a time for training to start and place emphasis on punctuality, we need to lead by example. Have I not been doing that? Why has it not rubbed off? Or is it because they are too dense or have too many other negative modules of leadership? Only by leading by example can you expect the guys to truly respect and follow you. Because you respect them enough first to place yourself in their shoes and show them that whatever you expect of them you can bring them through.

Empathy is the strongest bond you can use as a leader. Simple as that.

I can't believe I still have to be the bad guy in the exco. I've ord'd. I should be able to relax and take care of training matters and not this.

Elitism is the worse poison for team dynamics. Nteam is something that can get people big-headed.

You set the priorities. If that person has character, he will respect you for standing up to your priorities, because its an exibition of strong character and direction. If not, then that person's opinion isn't worth shit.

Truly, this is the first time since forever that I have had to do something like this. Lecturing them infront of the team and having them make a formal apology is not something that I wanted to do, but the lines have to be drawn up even if the person who crossed it happens to be an exco.

Sad that some people take their positions for-granted. Maybe they didn't have to earn their place, maybe they're grown too complacent. Who knows.

Alright... I think its ok for girls to substitute actual text automatically on msn with cutesy little animated emoticons. I mean, its cute, for a girl.

But some GUYS use them. Do they think its cutesy for a guy to represent himself in such a manner? I mean... FOR GOD'S SAKE YOU ACTUALLY WANT CUTESY LITTLE ANIMATED CHARACTERS JUMPING AND ACTING CUTE TO PORTRAY YOUR IMAGE AND IDENTITY?! Sometimes its even godamn hard to tell what the heaven they are trying to say with those faggoty characters prancing around till you have to click and decipher them.

Alright, now that that's off my chest. I've decided to do a recording of "Cloud smiles" From FF7: advent children. Its the ending theme and probably nobuo's most emotive recent theme.

Its funny how I let the exco have more say about training programmes and they can go all over the place in what we should do. And then when they realize that everything's going to shit they realize why the I did what I did early last season and now they want to go back to that.

Sigh.

But I suppose its inevitable. New leaders must make mistakes in order to learn from them and give themselves the direction for future advancement. They won't be able to just listen to sound advice because they need to go out there and gain the experience to be able to see the sense in the advice.

Sad, but that's the way people are, that's why I let them have more say so that they will listen better.



Anyway, I hate to be an asshole during training. Seriously. In the long run, its a highly inefficient method of leading which is tested and proven, but once in awhile, you need to do it. Especially when dog has no energy/confidence to be the bad guy and encik is so.... .... godamn nice.

More so when some people require "hard love" in a way.

I love my team, and you could say that it sucks for me every time I need to become that person to keep a person well guided in the team. I'm not the type to put someone down just to boost his own ego. I don't need to XD



Bleh. I so need to catch up on sleep.

Even heliophobic vampires get more sleep than I've been getting despite their screwed up sleeping and waking hours.

The other day I was complaining about how long it took for one of my more recent piano pieces to be posted on ocremix... and today while checking the reviews page I see reviews on the piece... which means the damn thing got passed on the judges panel and posted on the site without me knowing somehow.

"Parasite Eve's been getting the love lately, with ktriton and now Mr. Kee paying homage to the title, whilst Symbiont Dawn is sadly neglected. Or not; biology humor ftw. This is some very cinematic solo piano work, with Reuben ditching the taikos and other accompaniment for a return to his ivory roots. It's not necessarily a more complex arrangement style compared to his initial pieces, but in the performance you can hear an approach and depth that reflects the passage of time. I love the very minimalist, almost Eyes Wide Shut intro, which segues into natural, arpeggio-anchored motion at 0'20". Oscillations of dynamic and tempo are synchronized to effect a deliberate, swaying motion that can best be likened to natural phenomena: trees in wind, waves, or the uncertain, fluctuating surfaces of estuaries. The preceding sentence clearly illustrates how a lack of judge quotes affects these write-ups. But I digress; it's over four-minutes long, but feels more like a journey than a destination, even though things develop and waves crest several times, more notably circa 2'21". I'd like to see more solo piano arrangers try alternating time signatures and implementing more unorthodox rhythmic progressions, but I can't argue that the regularity present for those criteria in this mix have a hypnotic, lulling influence. This wouldn't be out of place in a stoic, subdued British film about unrequited love between a single mother and a repressed, bearded, seafaring wharfmaster, who figure out only too late that they're soulmates, because one of them has terminal cancer of the mustache, and dies... in a good way. Seriously, for some reason this piece keeps making me think of ocean imagery and water; your nautical mileage may vary. Great work from Reuben, who manages to switch between Eastern and Western styles on his compositions very fluidly, and with seemingly equal talent."

Beauty's Abomination

Hrm... been rather un-c1onstructive these past few days.

Went to gym and canoe with the Nitek kia.

Rowing while listening to the darkstar one soundtrack is damn awesome.

Nitek kia's been improving, he's finally sufficient level enough to do some low level creeping between beaches. Slow learner but thankfully not that slow. huhuhu. Aiya I'm a slow learner too.

The new Nteam was training. Paced beside them for a set and found myself pulling away too easily.

Sad to say that as much as dog praises the team and nasi, they're still too far away for seagames level. Maybe in 2 years time. That's a good bet, Nasi knows what he's doing, but he's no miracle worker. These guys need too much work. If they really have the passion for the sport, then they'll make it.

As for me, if I stick around them at this moment in time, my standard will only drop. The only way for me to improve in the db or anything is in a k1 right now.

Heck, in all my years in dragonboating training and teaching, the best routines and practices are in the k1. The best way to improve one's water sense and awareness is in the k1.

The best way to reinforce bad habits and breed useless egos is in the dragonboat.

So, gg.


Its funny how young people can be so impressed by other people and will listen to them training-wise.

Its a good way to learn, though naive. He may set you on the right path, but if you don't know the whole deal, you're screwed.

Training methodologies vary immensely between all the top athletes, or top teams. What matters is getting a program to suit the athlete or team. What worked for one may not work for another. That's what sports science along with trial and error is for. You need to create a unique statedef to suit different character's needs, but you need to do bug testing and tweaking after that. The constants and variables differ too much between characters to expect the statedef of one to work as well in another.

Tonite's run: 15mins.... then walk a damn lot.

Nitek kia kenah stitches so had to cut the run short. But he still tried to up the pace at the end. But I still overtook the noob a the end lol.





ANYWAY, found one of the uni students fan mail.

Mr. Kee,

First of all I would like to compliment you on the amazing music
that you have remixed. As a video game lover (and an extreme lover of
the soundtracks), I admire the way that you manipulate the songs into
such unique remixes.
Secondly, let me introduce myself. My name is Erica Bates, and I am
an undergraduate at Ashland University. I am in my third year of
college and continuing to persue my degree in Art Education,
concentrating in Computer Art and Design.
Lastly, I would like to ask you a question. Recently, I have been
working on an animation of my own. It is for my one of my courses in
college, but if it turns out how I'm picturing it, I would like to
enter
it into certain competitions dealing with animation and digital art.
One of the songs, which you have remixed, would fit perfectly into
this
animation as background music. In fact, the song, Ascension to Cosmo
Canyon-from Final Fantasy 7, not only is one of my most admired works
of
yours, but also from one of my favorite videos games of all time.
If you would be so kind as to allow me to use this song in my work,
you will be fully credited with it, in writing somewhere on my
animation
(most likely on the title page, since I am uncertain whether I will
have
credits at the end of it or not). However, if I do have credits at
the
end, your name will appear both on the title page and in the credits,
of
course.
As an admirer of your work, you will only further enhance my
enjoyment of your music by allowing me to use your piece. I believe
that you have an amazing talent in which I can only be in awe of.
Thank
you very much for you time in reading my email. I hope to hear back
from you as soon as possible.
Thanks Again,

Hosting a game of dota for the recce guys at the moment while waiting to go run.

WCG standard is rather impressive. The beauty of this game really is how you help each other out using each character's unique skills.








Reunion dinner with the old squad today.

There was a time when I would think of any lame excuse to miss meeting them. But not today.

Its a weird feeling, when you spot old friends 100 metres away, and they look at you and both sides recognize each other.

Everyone's changed so much.

Just looking at the group of us, you'd never imaging the shit that we went through. Shit that makes anything that they can throw at you in bmt, sispec or ocs nothing. Physically, mentally, emotionally, nothing comes close. Nothing.

I remember there was one training when I blacked out three times as a conditioned athlete. Another when I couldn't walk properly for a week.

Which kind of makes sense now that I think about the 119 ppl who signed up for db in my first year who quit, leaving me the lone survivor in the hellish training.

N has the most hilarious way of saying or asking simple questions like "how you know?" with extremely aggressive hand languages while speaking in a moderate tone.


Back then he asked me "If you had a choice, would you stay?"

And today he asked me "If you had a choice would you have stayed?"

And although the answer is clear, somehow I could not answer him for awhile.



Who we desire to be.

Who we are is based on influences with respect to the people, the training, the environment.

That was not who I wanted to be.

I suppose mine was always a more extreme involvement in every way.




One of the guys said in his usual upfront manner "You're like the faster smarter version of M la. You're arty, you can do design, you can do music, you got the muscle, you got the height, you got the looks, you do sports, you're like the perfect all-rounder."

To which I replied "Yeah, I can't speak chinese fluently."

Somehow I resented him talking so highly of me. Maybe I prefer to think of myself as the underdog. That's how it was in the past for most of the time anyway.




Sometimes I hear his voice trying to crawl up my throat. I feel the power. That immense aura. But the desire to let him out grows weaker as time goes by. Nowadays I can shrug him off.

I'm quite good at holding up the perfect front.

I pride myself in being able to see through people. Reading people on several levels to discover their weaknesses.

I would make each of those weaknesses my strength.

But now I must do the same for character.

I am done living my life doing anything it takes to get what I want.

One day you look at all the animals and wonder what sets you apart with all the vast knowledge that you have? Would you work toward a better world or would you conform to being nothing more than a savage beast?

Mid D run tonight with Mohawk Cat tonite: about 14 mins




Bits and pieces of the past return to haunt me.

Perhaps its impossible to fully start anew. Perhaps more time is required.






I was attacked viciously by a cat in the gym today.

You know one of those cats that claw and cling on to you and won't let go?

I think I was more shocked than anything that such a method of fighting/wrestling existed.

I must de-claw that Mohawked Cat.


I think I look funny playing the piano. One of those things that you can't help to be a little overly self-conscious about because when I'm into my music I really aren't aware of anything around me or what I'm doing or how I look. Its all about the music.

Ironic I guess, for someone to have performed so many times, in front of a 3000+ crowd on several times, and a member of the british royal family to find the way that he plays weird.

My favorite moving piece

Anyway that's the vid that the guys on ocremix say that it looks like Arnold is playing the piano. wth?



Its funny how by the length of emails, you can tell how old a person is. The older you are, the more you seem to have to write in emails:

Kid:
hey, i was listening to your remix 'ascension to cosm canyon' and it was really superb, and i was wondering if you'd be able to send me sheet music or the file for the it on the program that you made it on, but if you aren't able to or just don't want to all's fine and well but could you please at least e-mail me back, thanks for your time

Another slightly older Kid:
Um, just wondering, how did you teach yourself? I was thinking of quitting this online game I've been playing and starting to focus more on music, my writings, and my work. If you don't mind sharing your secret, I'd love to learn more. You're seriously like my mentor, I talk about you all the time to my family and friends.

Sort of strange, I know. But at least I know you as a first and last name, not just a nickname or username.

Anyway, it's great to be able to talk to you like this. I hope I can keep conversations like these with you while I study the piano. I have personal aspirations myself to do with the piano.


ADULT:
Hey there!

My name is Kenley Kristofferson and I host a podcast called "Into the
Score," which is a podcast that focuses on the academic and scholarly
study of video game music. In the show, we take a game and discuss
what the industry was like when it was released and how the game
essentially came to be, then follow up on the composers and why the
game was cutting edge, especially the music from it! From there, we
explore some pieces from the repertoire and analyze the melodies,
harmonies, orchestration and how the music links together in the game
to form a nice cohesive unit! From there, we explore some
macro-musical concepts (if I may coin such a phrase) such as
leitmotifs, thematic progressions, programmatic elements in the
score... all that good stuff, usually lending examples from classical
repertoire... (it's the music teacher in me, lol!) The fun part of
that too is that it's a pedagogical moment in the episode, where the
show can teach the audience something that they didn't know before...
then how it relates to game music! At the end of the show, I'll find
an arrangement or a remix of a piece from the game that we're
studying and play it to cap things off - it shows that the piece is
important to other people and the community, you know? :)

It just started up this month is released every two weeks, as I am
also finishing up my last year of Music Education at the University
of Manitoba (yay Winnipeg!), so if you haven't heard of it, I
definitely will not be offended :)

Now that the show is explained, I'm going to do a three-parter on
Chrono Trigger/Chrono Cross and the musical parallels between the two
in February and, as we discuss an arranging/remixing project at the
end of each show, Chrono Symphonic is the obvious choice to wrap up
the CT episode (because it is brilliant and written incredibly
well!). Chrono Symphonic is one of the best projects that I have
ever experienced and in my opinion, one of its crowning achievements
is "To Far Away Times," a glorious piece which you to which you
contributed!

Because it is one of the best remixes that I know of, I think that it
would be a shame not to be able to play it through (I'm not sure if
copyright laws apply to OCR), so I thought that I would email you and
Reuben Kee and ask if it would be alright to feature your piece on my
podcast by playing the whole thing... is that okay? I just... man...
it's so good! It is one of the quintessential remixes in the entire
CT library... man, it's brilliant!

If you could send me a note back whenever you get a spare minute,
that would be stellar! Thanks so much for contributing great music
and being part of such a great project!

Until next time,
Kenley




Ugh I can't find the ones from the uni students. I should log these "fan mail" more often and do a study on them or something.

Me: Wait... 9:20pm ok?

Dog: Ya, faster I need to go get ready already.

Me: Hang on, Musa just confirmed...

Dog: Okok faster I need to go shave my armpits!



^_^;

Sometimes the things dog tells me makes me want to kill strangle someone.





And its really sad when I'm caught in the middle of two friends' feud. You'd think people would think in a more logical manner at their age... but I suppose its more difficult when a girl's involved.

But I believe that they can do it.

Why do charboh screw up everything XD

What the fahk.

Sometimes I really hate the way Squaresoft programmes the prerequisites for item acquisition.

So I'm supposed to NOT open CERTAIN treasure chests which have DON'T stand out apart from the normal treasure chests in order to get some powerful weapon later in the game.

And I happen to not read ahead in the damned strategy guide ONCE, and end up opening one of these such treasure chests, wasting all my previous efforts.

And I only have ONE save game... which is my fault but I only have space for one slot on my overcrowded memory card.

Godamnit....

Visitation for chinese new year sucks. Comparisons, stupid questions that are repeated over and over by people whom I don't know and don't know the names to.

Thank god a vast number of them are all overseas.

And what's the point of giving red packets to the sibling of the siblings who are overseas for? You expect me to convert currency then mail it to them? Or leave it in their room for whenever they come back in 1-2 years time?

I hate telling my relatives what I'm doing/what I have been doing. Maybe cause it'll seem like I'll be boasting? Maybe because everything it doesn't seem to be that great when I've got cousins who are bloody asean/sea games medalists, or uncles who have taught in universities, even in music there are cousins who play for the national symphonic orchestra, or have been teaching music for as many years as I have lived times 2-3.

And overseas people are getting their degree at about 21-23? Not that I give a damn about that.

I dunno.

Blargh.

Sometimes I dunno what kind of designer I am when I can't think of a simple design for a lifevest, but can think of 101 awesome ways to kill a person as a cybernetic ninja assassin.

I think I'll name project 2: Zwei. He's going to set the new benchmark for character animation in a fighting game. Dragon Claw was just a test and he turned out awesome. Now after leveling up I'm going to be pushing the limits on the latest software and technology available. Woohoo sounds damn exciting... but I'm so sleepy right now I can't feel shit.

Gymed with WH after training and lunch. When he's tired and sleepy his tiredness aura is almost as strong as musa's doh. After that Nitek kia came for like 15 mins of gym gg.

Ran with the Nitek kia down the old long route. Legs damn suan from leg presses... then as usual the gay ups the pace in the middle.

Charles lent me ff12 with strat guide. FF's universe is always compelling and vast, with sufficient direction with characterization. Number 12 in the series lives up to the standards set by the previous games. You can tell however, that the director LOVES star wars. The music arrangement... based heavily on John William's works. Woodwinds solos and brass solos for the battle cinematics are so similar to his style. Sound effects, flying around ships and explosions... very Lucas'y.

But that makes it more fun for me because star wars rocks hahahaha.

Ok time to study strategy guide...

frickin busy ah!

Almost no time to write today.

Its funny how I told myself a degree is something untalented people need to get a job because their portfolio sucks when design is concerned... and here I am applying for design in ntu.

The irony here is... that I'll be getting into the course due to portfolio and not grades... wtf!

But the best joke is... my portfolio and demo reel can easily blow out their graduate's work out of the water. omgwtf!

;_;

I have a bad feeling I'll be wasting a few years of my time.

But oh well, there's canoeing! XD


Mom found the rjc of design. Some harvard equivalent design school. Top games design university in the world. And why am I not suprised that my work also landed me a spot there.

But the fees will amount to about 100k in 4 years. wtf?

I am not going to let my parents waste that kind of money on this degree. A scholarship has too many shitty implications.

Quite worried... because she's being hyper supportive about this again... just like during Os... and I ran all the way off-tangent then. Right now I need to not run off-tangent just for the sake of being a rebel without a cause. Its hard to be true to yourself when everything seems to be the same as last time.

Last time I thought that everyone could frickin study... no point being moronic and stick with the dumb mob. Now... it seems that anyone can get into a design course... or degree for that matter.

I should stick to music... that's one thing that not any tom dick or pussy can do.


Ahhh but why do I have to be so outstanding? Hah, if anyone thinks that they don't want to be outstanding they can go screw themselves.


Gymed today with the village bicycle... saw molester. Irritating.

Village bicycle tries to attack private parts when he's in danger... that gay! Like some defenseless rodent that has no choice but to fight in a desperately cheap manner.

And he's in hyper work mode again. Wth for? I dunno... does being busy give some people purpose in life, or make them feel more outstanding? I don't understand.

Heck, I don't even understand myself right now so I shouldn't even be worried about other people at this point in time.

And I feel so stupid when Dennis tells me stuff that I said before I entered ns. My god... NS really makes you dumber! Its ridiculous. How could I possibly think so deeply then? Everything was so well thought out and calculated. Right now I feel so stupid.

If I was the person I was back then I would have an answer. To alot of things.

These few days theres so much to do yet so little time.

I think I have too many constructive hobbies... which should be good, I guess. Project 2 still doesn't have a name yet. Poor bugger. I was thinking of "Zwei" which means two in german... and it sounds cool and jap. Its like katagana, the word has more feeling, unlike english words.

I feel sick and tingly so there's no running tonight either. Hope this damn thing goes away by tomorrow.

Digipen? I dunno. Game designers really have no life. Then again, everyone's definition of 'having a life' varies drastically. Some people think training often is their life, some people think clubbing is their life, some people think playing games is their life, some people think just being free is their life. And each of these people will look at the other and ask if they have a life.

Perhaps I need to do what I do because I want to do it and not because I need to do it. Working on a project team sucked in school because I had to model out stuff that needed to be modeled out... not stuff that I wanted to do. When I had a chance to benchmark something, or do something that no one's seen before - that's when I'd do my best work.

I still remember the time when we had to design a flash game, and I went out to program a whole sidescrolling fighting environment in actionscript. With gravity, unique hit velocities, sliding friction, and reaction velocities. Special moves and air combos in a sidescroller. That was fun shit.

Maybe that's why I broke away from everything after O's to pursue games design. You can't frickin benchmark F maths or physics. And even if you do no one will give a shit because it won't be fun. Unless you do something like the new water charboh.

Even if you get 100/100 for amath, people will at the most go "omg good for you."

Maybe I just like creating things... and hate doing things that everyone else is doing.

Some people love to follow the order of things around them, others prefer to rewrite those rules.

Its an audacious thought, but I want to be that drop of water to cause ripples to resonate throughout the entire pond. No... I want to be the LEVEL 99 SHINKUU HADOUKEN AIMED DOWNWARD INTO THE SEA TO CAUSE FRICKING SCARY WAVES TO EXPLODE IN ALL DIRECTIONS AND WIPE OUT ENTIRE CONTINENTS!

To cause change in other people in a positive manner. That's something deep to strive for. Is it even possible?

This is possibly the most extreme opposite persona to my predominant one in the past.

I like this one better. It feels better.

Sorethroat, feel like crap. Bad idea to drink dog's water yesterday I guess.

And the lack of sleep these past few days is getting to me.

Kinda weird, I should be getting enough sleep now that I've ord'd and finished most of the major projects. But... work and the new char has been making me stay up too late I guess.

I can stay up till 3am doing 3d modeling, then wake up early the next morning feeling like crap, but pounce right back on the 3d modeling. Think being too passionate about something may kill you... even if its something constructive.

Can't really think much right now. I think I'll get back on Valkyrie Profile 2.

Was nice to see some of the ord'rs back for training today.

Also nice to see Den and JW.

When I see Den, I remember that my tag is still with him. I remember what kind of person I wanted to be before enlisting. The fear of becoming who I was in the past. I hated that cynical lonely bastard who would do anything to be at the top.

I remember that strength was something that could come from elsewhere, not only from the desire to be the best.

Most people think that it can only come from wanting to be the best, where the opposite would be complacency, but when I was with them, everything was so different.

I wanted to be strong for them. The pillar of support, instead of the usual arrow head.

I also remember how distant I am from my siblings.

Its a sick feeling, being so near yet so far at times.

It sucks when you childishly think that your Bro would be your best friend for forever. Until things change so much. And it hurts less to just keep away.

We did have some good fights though, one broken front tooth broken twice can attest to that.

And I didn't even go for Sis' wedding. Not that I disprove. Am I happy for her? Its the right thing to feel, I guess. But I can't because that would mean I admit to letting her go.

I am an unfeeling bastard after all.

Maybe that's why I loved the school team so much. It made me into another person. Someone that I liked much better. Someone who was strong yet not selfish and could depend on real brothers in times of need.

That's why I believe so strongly in the team. It may be a huge pain in the ass sometimes, but when you find the right people, people you can trust and depend on, then everything is worth it. I wish that all the guys will be able to feel this.

Lunch with some of the guys. Alot of conflict with uncle. This is what he wanted, after all. For him to be that character and me the other. Its a nice change. Although he isn't doing it intentionally, its working out like that. lol.

Gymed with Week and Wert. Weekwert wertweek.... Week tried a front kick. Not bad for someone who just learnt from people. Omg that fag wert uses finger nails to fight! What a pansy!


The gay agent is being a pain in the ass again. I'm really so tired right now and more fed up with him. Sometimes I feel like using that intent on him. It would be too easy to send him to the next world without even so much as to break a sweat if I use it.

They finally arrived.

The most awesome pair of 1982 white air force ones, flown from New York City :).

There's never been a more awesome pair of shoes. Like Auston said, from far, they look like normal white shoes, but you gotta just take a closer look, and then you realize omfg its a pair of plain white af1s.

Progress on project 2 has been good. I've finished 3d modelling the base character, which took 3 days, whereas dragonclaw took 3 weeks lol. And the amount of detail put into project 2 is much higher too. I guess I really levelled up a tonne in 3dsmax since then.

But right now, argh... the rigging onto the biped for animation is killing me. Everything is ok except the godamn fingers. No wonder no one gives a damn about trying to let the fingers animate independently. The godamn spline envelops eat into each other so that when you activate one finger to move, part of the other fingers move too because they were caught in the envelop.

Has there been a 3d model out there that could move his fingers freely around? I don't think so. No wonder they all palm or fist around actions.

I will run tonight or I will chop off my leg.

Here I thought that like most attached out safsa rowers, I would get my ic delayed by at least a day. They say clearance should be done at least the week before. But I did it the day before and managed to get everything settled, which was quite a feat.

So for my final act in camp I would perform one last miracle and ord, take my pink ic without taking my medical ffi. Huhuhu.

It was a bumpy ride at first, but in the end I worked my way up to be able to do what I love, design, music, and sports for my ns life while being able to do so much more outside as well.


I can't say I'm that unhappy about uncle and dog's decision to make nteam their focus for now. Okay, its fucking irresponsible and selfish. But, it gives me more freedom of movement, so what the heck.

Team sports is always a pain in the ass. Safsa rowers only come for attachment, Uni rowers don't want to train realistically but expect results. Bullshit. Coming for attachment is fine, dumb rowers are good. Attaching out for training is good. Potential is there, but not all can have that luxury = half powered team. Uni rowers have the choice to train more often but can go screw themselves if they want to train like some recreational club once or twice a week and expect to do well for a race. It would be fine if every team in singapore was like that, but even the jc teams train 8 times a week. Those that do well, at least. Its proportionate damnit! Don't even talk about how often the overseas teams train. But thats them.

Who the heck isn't under the pressure of studies and work? I couldn't understand why JQ chose to leave the nteam to focus on leading ntu, but now I suppose I do. And even though a part of me wants to support him, another wants to support nasiman, and another is so tired of it all. Human resource managing is challenging, it can be fun, but its tiring.

Sometimes I just want to go back to fighting. So I can just screw all these slackers over!

Ah yes, there's more to life. Of course, work, studies, money. Fine excuses they are. Its not like I didn't have to manage training on top of projects for camp, projects for portfolio, and work. Its good to have people who use such excuses in other teams. Makes it easier to finish the race before them.

Safsa did it before and we'll do it again. Nteam is going to finish behind my boat.

Okay it seems by this entry that I'm abit pissed! hahahaa.

Need to chill. Go play piano.

Tonite's mid D easy run: 20:00 mins

Need to get addicted on running again! Yeah ha!

Tonight two gym noobs proceeded to do squats without warming up their legs first and ended up almost tearing their hamstrings. Damn noobs.

Luckily the running wasn't affected as I was using front step. Heel step made the hamstrings feel the ownage though.

ORD.

Today marks the last day I go to camp for stupid shit. Normally people would be ecstatic on their ORD date or towards the date. But I feel indifferent for some reason. Perhaps its because ord or not, I don't frickin go to camp.

It was a system that seemed scary at first. Everyone I knew had gone through it and went along with it. Some resigned themselves to their fate, others got lucky vocations or jobs, or were extremely lucky to get attached out.

But I was not going to depend on luck. Some people may think I'm lucky to have landed my vocation and be able to enjoy everything that I do. But the truth is I made my job the way it is. It wasn't easy finding the right time to duck underwater, or come out and really shine so damn bright.

Power doesn't belong to those who have higher rank. It belongs to those who can work the system to their benefit. Every step I took toward my current job was but one of several well planned options that worked out. And when I finally got the job, I redefined the job scope again and again until I was happy.

No need for attachment, no need for off, no need for leave. Some people can take mc for years, but I didn't need to.

So I'd say on a whole, its me: 1, saf: 0. It was fun, though. Definitely a once in a lifetime experience. Heheh.

Some of the warrants probably still bear grudges. I could see it in their smile. I remember how they would belittle my colleagues, but when it came to me, I was untouchable. Try as they might, I was always one step ahead of them.

And so I begun the sacred journey today as part of the ritual that all ord'rs have to go through. To play the pokemon game. Except that instead of pokeballs, you get autographs. I was wondering who the hell were 3/4 of the people on this weird list, only to find out they wondered who the hell I was too.

Gedong is a huge camp. Walking around from one place to another, I suddenly realized something. This was the path that we always ran for live runs. Were the life run routes constructed in such a way so that we would automatically know where to go? Like salmon instinctively knowing that they have to swim up the damn stream.

Halfway through the 3km route, I was damn thirsty and went to the water cooler in the canteen near the track. I remember how CX and I would do sneak out of the office in the mornings to do insane interval runs and crunches, then go to that very water cooler, where the outlet was busted, so we used the tap when there was a huge sign saying "Do not use the tap outlet". But we didn't give a rat's scrotum. I still remember how we'd be so godamn thirsty, the first drinker would gulp down the water as fast as possible but quickly move back for the other person to take a drink before going back for second round so as to not deprive the other person of water.

Last wrestling match with Auston in the office before leaving. The stupid ang moh pai drove my injured elbow into the wall. Son of a. Think his gym sessions have been paying off because I couldn't headlock him as easily as last time.

I'll miss that place. I'll miss my computer. The one I wasted 3k on along with 5k in software of the saf's funds but ultimately ended up using my home com instead.

There's a tinge of bitterness towards the place, but somehow I feel sad having to leave. Humans are such weird beings. As long as it was a part of your life, even for a brief period, we tend to reminisce and miss.

Overall during my short stay there, there were good times. Lots of them. I'll miss ya, gedong. The next short and final trip will be to pickup the pink gay card. And lastly, one medal of recognition, one testimonial and two letters of commendation.

Si picked the place for today's friendly spar. Of all places, the lazy ass picked his lawn. He knows that I hate the godamn grass. Maybe he's hoping the fear of falling and getting itchy would make me complacent.

He calls us to ready with a smirk. Both of us go into our warm up transitions, ending in the guarding block. There's no cue to fight or go, we always liked to leave the start as unpredictable as possible to make things more practical.

He goes into his defensive wing chun pose. Weight on back leg. Defensive stance. But knowing that he's counting on me to read his stance, he's probably trying to throw me off with his body language. I go into neutral stance.

True enough, in less than a second his weight shifts forward and I hear a loud smack as my right hand blocks his left jab. I see his follow up in the form of a right straight and immediately shift my right arm to intercept it at his elbow.

I realize that by doing that his left arm is open to attack again and it comes out in the form of a knife hand. I lean back hard and only feel the wind after his arm passes.

The last attack left his arms open and torso open so I push kick him then immediately move into a 360. As I lift off from the ground and spin in the air I see him take forced steps back from my push kick which is what I had intended.

With him only recovering his balance and freedom of movement right before I land the kick he can only brace and block with two arms. He does so and pushes my leg down. The game is now at midrange.

"Aha. You smacked my first attack away without even seeing it. You finally have it back, don't you?" He looks suprised yet is smiling for some reason.

"Thanks to you la." I reply. But the truth is its not the same as last time. The reactions are alot more tame. If it was anything like the past I would have launched an attack after the block without even knowing it.

We go back and forth kicking, shifting and blocking, keeping the match at mid range for awhile until I step in to throw a left jab.

Seems that he was waiting for it because he blocked it with his left arm too smoothly. I duck to follow up with a right uppercut - but suddenly feel something at my neck. It was his left hand.

"Single arm parry break. I don't need to use both hands to block and counter anymore." He says with a cocky smile.

The grip around my throat hurts. He obviously wanted to make a strong point. I felt the blood in my veins speed up as my heart started to race. That familiar feeling.

I'm flying in the air to the right. My hand on his wrist which has been pulled away from my throat, my right leg moving up for the snap.

I remember this feeling, and quickly pull my kicking leg back to soften my blow.

Si blocks it with both arms but it knocks him off his feet and he rolls on the ground.

"My god, are you controlling it or not?" He looks slightly frustrated.

"Yeah lah, are you?"



My reactions used to be worse. There's a theory that the dragon's eyes allows you to attack in the fashion true to who you really are. Perhaps in the past that person had so much to prove that he wanted to give the hardest blow possible. Now that person merely blocks the attacks for some reason. Unless provoked further.

Maybe my worst enemy isn't so bad now.

Been asked to rejoin the Nteam... again.

Its weird how reactions can differ over the years. Toward the end of poly when the first invitation came, it was exciting yet scary at the same time. Back then they didn't ask just anyone. And although it was a shitty feeling to leave the school team, I took the chance to finally see if I could at long last out do my seniors who were in the nteam at that time.

Now, with my plans to stay longer in saf sa, I can no longer bear that shitty feeling again. Just when I'm finally getting attached to the guys. It may sound stupid, being in that team for 1.5 years, and even leading them thus far, and now only getting attached to them. I guess I'm not one to commit easily emotionally. The hurt of the past makes us more cautious and causes us to seal ourselves away.

But now, given the taste of beaten the nteam in the semis last race, and if not for unfavorable lanes in the finals, we would have beaten them.

The exco is finally falling into place. Everyone is doing their part, even if we had to take some time to find the right part for some of us.

Experience wise, I see us doing the best among the local teams. It may be arrogant to say this but this is my journal so yeah ha! 2 years of experience of planning training for db teams is an ever changing thing. The other teams are either led by old farts using deteriorated and ineffective practices, or inexperienced youths who are only just scratching the surface. The old program wasn't so great and we did well. The new program kicks ass and I can only imagine what the team will accomplish now.

Its funny how I used to be part of an underdog team whereas now I have had the chance to change everything.

There's only one threat to us. Nazi man's team. But I've never admitted defeat to anyone even if they almost killed me.

Speaking of which. It may be time for me to end this cycle of fighting again. Fights are getting more intense with Si as is the only natural progressive thing to do. Going back into the forbidden strings. Its time to stop before things go wrong. Its okay for fools to play punch, but once you have a sword everything's different.

Live fighting, die fighting. It may sound garang, but its stupid. What goes around comes around in everything we do. A never ending cycle. You can choose to take what comes your way and do the same, or you can break or change the cycle.

I've had lot of injuries. And I have done my fair share of damage.

Its funny how some people go about acting like they're tough. Its only natural to think that they're big, based on their conception of the world around them. You can see it in their eyes when bump into these kind of people or just stare at them for too long.

"You think you can mess with me?" They say.

That is, until I offer them a complete and utter paradigm shift. I've learned not to underestimate my opponent but there are times when I must stand up for myself. There were times when I would look for fights. But those times were just for the rush. Nowadays I no longer even feel like punching inanimate objects.

Sometimes I wonder what this power is for. In the movies they say that its to protect those you love. I on the other hand, have only had chances to protect myself.

But every time I let these people take a rest on the floor for awhile I remember the fear and pain of unsheathing this sword on my friends in the past.

Perhaps maybe now I am at peace again. Its time to go back to a more peaceful sport. Where I can still fight but hurt no one.

In the calm or angry waters, alone in my k1.

Sponsored dinner: $8

Sponsored supper: $6

Walking up and down a stage 3 times: $150

Watching Owen and Keith almost rage out at the naggy auntie manager: priceless



Its kinda not so bad doing fashion shows nowadays because its somehow more fun hanging out with the guys before shows. I didn't have to kill him today because it seems that everyone else has a score to settle with him. Plus, I'm somehow some big ass bigshot being the title holder huhuhu.

Eddie from tab is a pretty funny guy.

Still gotta teach Sean how to stand up for himself. Not sure why either. Maybe cause we have so much in common it feels like he's the little brother I lost when Steph left the team.

2:30am and training in the morning. Argh.

So Louie is going to Aus to study games. Like... how vague is that. Nevertheless I'm glad he's decided to pursue his dream. I've always known that he a talented gamer by the cheap pk strategies he came up with in UO. I think he could have beat me in a pk fight. But, a talented gamer doesn't make a talented game programmer, although it gives somewhat of an advantage.

Louie was the only coursemate I connected with back in my first year. Quiet, demented RI GP guy. We clicked perfectly. Hahaha. I thought that we had so much in common. Our course, dragon bt, that is, until he switched course to IT, and left the team. I can never understand why he left the course. He clearly loved design. Though he was making a big fuss about the workload. As much as we had in common, he was more damaged emotionally.

Why is it most smart people turn out to be social rejects?

I hated the stigma. After high school I suppose I went all out to compensate.

Ok, sleepy.

Tonights run: 12:02mins down usual route

Yes I ran. Was doing weights when I got more and more fed up about turning into a fatass so I went out and ran my ass off.

First small round had a new personal best lol. After that died, got stitches, then... you know sometimes you can ignore stitches but it'll only get worse and lvl 5 hyper combo your ass back? It happened. The pain was almost as bad as with the old injury which doesn't bug me anymore thank god.

But to psyche up against the stitches, that was something else. Si was right. I don't fight like I used to. Not even half of it. Maybe too much money can make people complacent too. I dunno. Maybe its alot of factors. But when I saw his eyes, and my aura reacted instantly for the fight, I felt so alive again.

Sometimes it takes a good friend to knock some sense into you again. Complacency sucks. You need someone to just come around and kick your ass.

Which pisses me off. That one armed parry break move is utter bullshit. Just when I thought I had his strategy all figured out he goes and levels up on me. Bastard. Ahh but I managed to surprise him with my hi-ken. Sucka!



Its official. I have my Long2 Yan3 back. The other day I felt Hong's attack coming from behind. And I even managed to restraint myself from doing a turn-lock-counter on him.

It feels good to be alive.

Think I'll log another fan mail today:
"Hi, my name is Trevor.

I found your website/music via ocremix forums. I LOVE your stuff.

I'm just wanting to get into composing/arranging/remixing... i have a couple questions if you don't mind.

Did you goto school and learn composing, or did you just self-teach?

Also, when arranging or remixing, do you do it by ear? OR, do you get the sheet music, and arrange via that?

Thanks so much for your time! Hopefully i'll be half as good as you someday!

Thanks,
Trevor"


I wonder why I never asked these questions when I was starting out. Or maybe I did... cause I somehow know that Nobuo and Yanni taught themselves music too, which sorta spurred me on to learn music on my own.


Making vids is fun.