Started 100m behind the pack for live run today. Chionged to the front, then maintained, toward the end of 5km, could feel a huge headache reminding me that 2 slices of bread was not enough for the energy expenditure of the exercise.

Wanted to so 10 sets of 20 pullup while waiting for the rest to finish their run, but muscle glycogen was so low and I decided not to rely on protein synthesis for energy. Because that would make me a skinny kenyan runner.

So yeah, I never felt so slack for a camp run before. It really sucks having a 30min or 10km time and mileage limit before the knee starts to act up. I'll trash them once ahm is over and the target distance is set back to 5km and no more ridiculous 16kms la.

Think my sleep debt is accumulating to critical levels, been experiencing periods of it happening again.

I remember hearing them talking about how cool it was when someone just burst out and punched someone out, or how the sof guys would joke about killing someone and digging graves. Perhaps they envy the person for being able to let loose. Perhaps a part of us wants to be able to be true to our feelings and not care about anything else in the world. But its a dangerous naiveness.

Lately I've been tempted more and more to practice the S F technique again. Times are more dangerous than I thought, and if anything, I would be able to protect those close to me. S F is ideal because unlike a T P which could be lethal enough at a critical point should I lose control, S F will only disable and shock.

I still remember those words... "... but the day I actually **** someone... I will not know how to face myself."


Some of us don't have the freedom to let loose. Other means are required.