Rowing this morning. Two baby boats for pacing after a 2.4km run.

Its really damn shiok rowing in a boat of damn awesome rowers.

Saw the nyp mixed boat go up one set.

Coach let out a soft but impressed "Hwah."

"What team is that?" Someone asked.

"NYP. Came an answer from the other boat."

Couldn't help but grin with pride.


And we saw an old familiar face. Alumni ex cap of nyp and safsa, Chestor. We've never talked much. When I entered the team in my first year, he was but a newly graduated alumni coming back to help out the team for a couple of trainings before he would dissapear into national service and we would soon find out he was rowing with safsa.

There was once when he came back to school to have a look at our recruitment drive. He wanted to work out so I opened the weights room and we did some weight training. It was my chance to try to follow this grand senior for his weights session. And did I get the shock of my life. Very heavy. haha.

I was intent on doing the same weightage as him. And he politely aided me when I was struggling. It was then when we slowly begun to converse upon subjects related to training, to ns.

Ironic that my camp will be right behind nyp. Seperated only by a thin fence.

I long for the days when I was still studying in school. Following tianhong around for secret training in school. Dying during his 10 set of 10 pullups routine, the running, the weights, the swimming.

And now it seems I have yet to walk in his shadow again. He was a scout also. Maybe I've still yet to overtake him. Is it even possible?

He gave an interesting insight yesterday.

"Its like dragonboat. At first everyone suffers like hell and says they cannot make it. But in the end when they look back. It was fun. Same for scout la."

I know my heart can only be in one place at a time. As long as I'm on course and cannot row for safsa I need to bring my heart back for scout training. Or I'll never be happy. But once I do get out, what a happy day that will be.

I finally managed to pull myself out and look at things with my usual analytical perspective. Its always more difficult when you're the one in the mess, anyway.

Psyche up.



This will be the last entry till Friday or Saturday.

Been working on something, too, thanks to someone.

http://www.reubenkee.com/music/singles/A%20Piece%20Of%20Heaven.mp3

There's always a piece of heaven out there waiting for you. When you find solace in it, maybe you can see a little bit of heaven in everything.

So long,

Farewell,

Good night.

'Scout Troopers never let you down, yah!'

Went for training today.

How I missed rowing with the nteam. The power in each stroke, the glide, the wind in your face, water everywhere. Haha.

Some slight changes to the starting stroke technique. Was a little boggled about it at first, but Johnson helped me sort it out.

There's 2 new guys in the team. Looks like they're fitting in just fine.

Managed to keep up with them for the run today. omgwtf.... must be the first time. maybe bmt did a little little good lah.

And I just realized that the level of english which I have been logging my entries in has been deproving. NS IS MAKING ME DUMB DAMNIT!

Hence to maintain my standard of english I shall now attempt to construct proper sentences and omit singlish to a certain degree.

I met up with Tianhong after training. Had a long talk.

His hair's grown back to what it used to be during school days. Reminds me of the time we were so young and carefree. It seemed like just yesterday when I was following him around the swimming pool, school track and gym for another session of secret training.

He's still quite a realist. Although he calls himself a pessimist... its true somewhat but I prefer the term realist because he does think of solutions to the problems which he encounters. He's always been ahead of me. Now there are so many aspects in business and finance which he was attempting to divulge to me.

But there must be a way. I remember the time when he used to complain about the team to me. But I went out there are and explored his suggestions, then came back and rebuilt the foundation. I'm quite pleased with the success of the inculcation of values and discipline into the new generation's exco. So in the end, despite the grim outlook a couple of years back; after some hard work its paid off.

And then there's a new problem now. Should I press on in my vocation? Or start planning to affirm a better attachment out to SAFSA? I told him about my grand plans.

"You take sports too seriously." He poked at me.

Maybe. Maybe I need that struggle to make life worth living in a way.

Training tomorrow morning.. its late. End log.

Its raining. The heavens are crying for the many souls today who have gotten their unit posting.

Me included.

Scout Recce Trooper. Infiltration, Recconaisance and Intelligence.

The bad:

I hate marching.

I hate the jungle.

I hate the forest.

I hate bugs.

I hate insects.

I want to kill them all.

POW training... I dun wanna die.


The good:

Its sorta like a real life version of metal gear solid 3.

5 day weak only.

The camp is right behind NANYANG POLYTECHNIC WTF??!?!?!!?

More free time. Direct enhanced bmt batches get like patheticlly little free time loh.

Won't need to wear helmet soon.

Will most likely be going to SAFSA. I hope I get full attachment... but not very likely GODAMNIT!

Get to be mischievious and spy.

Spying is fun.

Running away when you're spotted isn't.

Will get to learn how to drive a vehicle.

The POW training isn't run by commandos anymore and is revised by the intelligence department. Dunno if thats good or bad tho.

At least I'm not going to SISPEC! Hahahahahahahah.



Ok screwed.

I knew this was going to happen. I hate it when my senses are right.

The way that sly sergeant major's eyes lit up when he saw my SOC timing.

At least now I can siao on fully because I don't have to siam anything now.

Muhahaha. Siao on all the way.

Training today,

Last time I'll see the nyp juniors for awhile. Quite scary... every new batch that comes in seems to be better and better. Wonder if they'll supercede the seniors soon.

It was good that Dennis is away. Junwen's starting to sweat about how to run things. Its an inevitable process. And the pressure he felt today will start him thinking harder for the future when it will be a much more critical factor.

Bugger's adapting even more. Suprising.

I remember when we proposed the idea of a camp in school. He was like "What's the point of having a camp in school?". And now he wants to organize one. Hahaha.



The real training starts this saturday. Think I'm going to die. BMT sucks... make me slack so much. Direct enhanced my ass la.

Less than 36 hours till I'll know my posting.

Hoping to go MP, but if go scouts then it may also be fun la.

Either way I've already won half the battle by succesfully siaming OCS. SAFSA here I come.


The NTeam brought back a bronze from penang. Damn proud of them. Training resumes this saturday. I wonder how everyone is. Will get to see my big bros again.


NYP having their new batch come in also. So familiar... to see the rows so heavily packed with people. Sad that inevitably so few will stay. But hopeful for the team that the number that stays will be sufficiently substantial.

Anyway... playing star wars: knights of the old republic now. Learning "Jedi speak".

Like instead of saying:

"don't bullshit me la..."

A Jedi would go:

"I fear that there is little truth to that statement."


Oh brother.

Holiday ending soon. Shit haha.

Got my groove back.

Must be the soup :D

Dead inside.

I'm so good at putting up a happy front.




Can't find the drive to do anything right now.

Much to catch up on.

BMT is over.

Sad tho, I couldn't really feel happy on the day of the passing out parade. Don't know what was bothering me, really. Maybe everything.

I felt myself go back to that dark place. Full of disgust, and hate. Was fighting so hard to pull myself together. Told myself that I was no longer that person. But in the end, I got tired of fighting.

Ended up giving my bunk mates quite a scare.

I'm afraid. That if I do end up in that unit... that in the solitude, I will lose whom I have become, and once again fall into the darkness, alone, looking out at them... those insignificant weaklings.

Infiltration and reconnaisance... I suppose there is much honor in that, afterall, battalion after battalion will be depending on your succesful surveilance.

I'm losing it... not even sure if rowing boat is what I should be doing.

Today, the company went for a field trip.

The things we saw... I'll remember for the rest of my life.

They tell you "national service is essential to defend our nation."

But its not enough... until you actually see what war does to people.

There is no humanity, the enemy is a monster.

Perhaps now I know what PS Nick meant that day.



When you see your mother being raped, your father, brother, being killed; not just shot. Their heads cut off and displayed for all to see. Tortured and killed in the most sadistic and creative ways.

There was a story on the wall, recorded by a nurse.

A mother pleaded desperately to a japanese soldier for medicine for her two sick children. Crying out loud, she begged him. But all he did was swing the butt of his rifle to her jaw. Her open jaw, and knocked her teeth out.

Her children soon died of malaria.

What if that had been my mother? Or my wife, pleading for medicine for my kids?

I prayed, to Him. "Lord, let there never be war."

But if the it should happen...

I don't fight for my country. I would rather fly away to another country.

But I will fight for my family.

And if I should become my past shadow again, then let it be. Because he's the best man for the job.

Even if he's a hateful man, he's ridiculously intelligent, sly, efficient, meticulous and will get the job done, and he still has his morals and ethics.

When you see your mother or wife being raped, your father or son, executed, tortured. Will you sit there and cry? Or will you take up your gun and defend them?

In a Godless world, its difficult to see God sometimes. Pray for your enemies? Pray for your family? What good will that do?

Wtf.

Been selected to go before the selection board for military police.

Lt YX said its quite prestigious. Why is it ns keeps on tempting me with prestige or power. First I decline ocs, now this. But maybe this one is worth considering... Keith said I can still row if I go.

This is starting to get interesting.