Fighting Aura.

Many years ago I thought that it was a state of mind. A desire.

I heard my seniors talk about it every now and then. Always wondered when I would get this mysterious thing.

Then one day, I found it.

Maybe it was losing a tied match to that brown-black belt due to "superiority" call.

Its a reaction. Different for every fighter, and unique to his own character and personality. It takes your comfort strategy, and burns it into your very essence.

Many people mistake people who get into fights to have a fighting aura. But its not something that can come so innately.

I don't know how the other guys on the squad got theirs. Maybe its the same way. I don't know.

The first time I felt it, it was an unimaginable high.

Every muscle in your body tenses just a little bit, not too much, just nice. You don't need to worry about concentrating and forcing out distracting thoughts, because you are more on auto-pilot than manual. Your blood feels so hot that you want it to end yet don't because it feels so good. And you can feel whatever part you are going to use to attack get lighter, as if you can literally feel energy automatically pooling around those points.

But its a hotness that builds. And if you don't release it you feel as if you're going to explode, going to go mad. Its like a monster that demands to be fed before going back to sleep. It needs to be satisfied.

I suppose it can be addictive, in a way. Maybe thats why I want to feel it, yet am afraid of it.

The worse part about being a reversal specialist is that unlike just activating voluntarily to initiate an attack, it can snap on at any time in reaction to something.

Though I think I wasn't mentally strong enough back then to control it, and let it get out of hand, perhaps even up to now. But the battle with one's self is something that keeps going on forever.

And I don't think I'll keep losing.