Tonight's run: 11:18.

Not the best, had some technical difficulties toward the last stretch. Blocking the pain out turned out to be a huge mistake because after the run I felt like I was about to buckle and faint due to the pain inside.

Whoever said that you should rest at least 2 hours after eating before strenous exercise wasn't some drunk old man!

Completed 10 sets of 20 pullups again inbetween statics. And its kinda hard to type right now.


Heard that 2 of our alumni want to come back for training halfway.

Made me remember that familiar piece of advice that I told the other canoeists cum dragonboaters last time.

You can only commit yourself emotionally to one team. In the end, the team that you have stronger bonds with will enjoy your company, but relationships with the other team will turn sour. Its like a rubber band being stretched by two ends. The stronger point will pull the other end, and the other end will feel a negative tension. In the end, the tension will also prevent the stronger point from advancing.

As long as you are still looking behind you will not be able to see where you can go.

But I also remember that I couldn't heed my own advice. After graduation, I still went out with the school team after nteam training. I still chose their company over the nteam guys.

Its because of this that I know that I failed to bond with the nteam guys better because I refused to move on from the school team.

I suppose on some aspects, that was a dumb move. But on others, it wasn't.

What, and who are the people more important to you? That is the choice that I went with. The more new path may not always be the best.

It was easier with the current team. Jem and Winston were there, so it was easier. There were alot of dao seniors that were asking to be trashed too :p. I still remember how funny it was, when they spoke so highly of some people's individual rowing skills, yet when it came to crunch time, some people happened to be crossing the halfway point when some noobie was starting to turn around. Even more amusing was their pullup skills. Turns out it was the humbler ones, the quieter ones that shone. It really goes to show its hard to find the gems among the glass stones that have been polished with ego. I'm not one that should be commenting about this anyway. From feedback, I didn't exactly seem like a humble kinda guy. Godamn.

Speaking of first training with the team, I should have brought back that piece of paddle for momento and labelled it "poor paddle broken during first S****A training".

Anyway I digress.

I hope that the alumni can find the reason to bond with their new teammates. But if they choose to join us fully, I will fight to have them represent our team for the upcoming race.


Speaking of letting go. The topic of post-ns plans comes back to light. There's a part of me that knows that I may be going there because of friends. Somehow the crazy idea of flying to australia to study pops up...

ANYWAY, I suppose that just like I eventually had to say goodbye to my secondary school clique, I may have to leave this one once again follow the path that is true to me. It wasn't too hard to leave them, though, at that time I was numb to everyone around me thanks to tkd.

Perhaps its hard for some people to understand why a person would go to poly when he could have gone to jc, because they have been so thoroughly mind-washed by society. I suppose its like ocs. If you think you could have gone, or definately could have gone, yet you choose your own path, your own life, because you knew that deep inside, no matter how prestigious or right society makes out that path to be, its not yours.

They are all around you. People who go through it all, then end up suffering after the commision. For pride they are willing to suffer some more, and give up their freedom. Amazing! Then there are the few who commision and actually get a nice cushy appointment. On the other hand, there are people who screw it and enjoy life then get screwed when they ord. There are also people who screw it find alternative means to live life more, and people who screw it and prepare for the future.

Then again, our country does need the succesfully brainwashed few for the defence of the nation... DISCLAIMER! THE ABOVE TWO PARAGRAPHS MAY HAVE BEEN QUOTED FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S BLOG AND I CLAIM NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT AS IT MAY HAVE BEEN POSTED HERE FOR ANALYSIS SAKE ONLY!

I knew that it was dangerous to get too involved in some people's world. Now my own path is not clear.

On the other hand, I'm not sure if I might screw the uni thing just for the sake of being a non-conformist. That would be the ultimate lamest screw-up to make.

I suppose I just need more time.

It also doesn't help that for design side, your portfolio is what people judge you by, not your grades, so here I am spending more time building up a kickass portfolio and screwing unimportant assignments to get average scores, and unlike the ntu path, smu doesn't give a damn about a design portfolio.

Luckily I have 3 other cards to play, though.

Not everyone has a total cca score enough to split in half and give two seperate people distinctions for the cca grade. Then there's... ahh the more I think about it the sadder it gets. Some jock trying to use his ccas and sports to get a place in school.

I'm better off sending my portfolio to ntu.

The answer didn't come easy last time, and I just need to give it more time now, I suppose.

What did following my dream after secondary school get me?

It gave me the chance to branch out and discover my knack for music, which is closely related to the design field. It gave me the chance to practice composition and arrangement for games and movies, and realize that it may be something worth investing time and effort in. It gave me the chance to get my first job in the music industry and game industry composing music.

But most importantly, it taught me that there's a chance that doing something you enjoy for a living can kill that very joy. But it also taught me that not everything is that shallow and can be killed so easily. And these things are worth fighting for. When you're so tired and pissed, yet you know that this is what you want to be doing for the rest of your life. Because somehow you still love doing it. Ultimately, it taught me more about myself.

It taught me that some risks are worth taking, and I think that it was a sacrifice worth making.

As long as you follow the crowd, you can only struggle to become at most, near the top of someone else's game. If you're the one setting your own standards, someday, other people will be following you and trying to play your game instead.

It takes risks to commit to search for your own path in life. Those who play it safe can stay with the dumb majority.

Planning is good, but its only the first step if you don't go and test the plans to see if they work for you. What if you invest all this time and effort into something then suddenly wake up and realize that it isn't for you?

What if you wake up when you're 50, and realize that you're finally contented and happy. But then you also realize that all these years you've missed out on so much, that you've been investing too much time in all the wrong things.

I think the end-game of my current simulation is satisfactory, but where should I run the next simulation?