Overtrained.

Lats cannot make it already haha. I think if I tried, I couldn't do more than 30 pullups.

I failed the damned ergo timing lah... 5 seconds short. Need to go and do again. Tomorrow hopefully, hopefully sir will let me leave early from cohesion day and skip the bbq to go and do the damned test. Haiz...

And then there's BI-ATHLON TEST on sunday.... run until wanna die... then need to row until wanna die. And today's try outs went like hell. Last for every set. That is like... imposibble lah... I know I'm not too awesome, but I sure as hell can't be so behind for every set. Something wrong with the damned boat, or with Rue's coxing. He sits on the right of the boat when I row right? That's kinda screwed up... you should sit at the other side to counter balance.

It seems all these tests are standing inbetween me and the seagames, and I'm not sure if I can overcome all of them.


Then there's safsa. I've given up waiting for the damned letter already, its taken so long, and I see so much that the team has to do before its competitionally ready. I can't believe I let it go so easily, now that life is easy again, until mom hit me with something on the way back: "You gave up being an officer so that you can row for safsa, and do your music, and now every night you come back so late from national team training, tired, no time for anything... how can you give up on what you've worked so hard so far for?"

Maybe I'm just fraustrated. I've done everything in my power, everything, I swear, and yet, the damned letter needs to take 2 months plus just to be typed out and signed? And, not to sound stuck up or anything, but other national players from other sports would be sucked out immediately from bmt or from their units ASAP to be absorbed into centralized safsa training. I hear too many stories already. But for dragonboat? This kind of thing happens. It makes you wonder how serious the guys running dragonboat are about the sport, it makes you wonder what the hell is going on.

And yes, I'm pissed off. Because I've sacrificed so much for this, and yet nothing is materializing. I keep telling myself and people that it will happen, but nothing is! And I see the officer cadets around camp, and it pisses me off, when I wonder whether I made the right choice. When back in bmt all my sergeants told me that I would make it into ocs easily. That my platoon mates say that I should be the one going, and I had to work so hard to get them to put me on a bad rating for the peer appraisal, and yet some blur cocks screwed it up and still put me high.

And then I went and told Kevin to take my place for ic, encouraged him to go for ocs, gave up my spot for platoon best. Afterall, the award would be better off helping someone else get into ocs.

And at the pop, it was bittersweet, seeing him there. When I could've been there, marching up to get the award.

When I told OC about my plans, he looked at me, pointed his finger at me, and told me "If I were you, I would go to ocs." His path was all too similar to mine, I know that he felt that it would be the ultimate pursuement. But I told myself that I had better plans. That Keith told me that if I were to pursue a commander's role, my commitment and time with the team would be greatly compromised.

So yeah. The frustration of my life in a nutshell.

And guess what? Dwarf just msged me telling me that my safsa letter is ready to be picked up.


Ohh.... how you mock me. I'm so pissed with you at times. I swear. Is it just because I do not honor your sabbath? I don't care. This changes nothing between us.