You know that you're a closeted geek when you browse through catalogs for sitex and find your heart beating faster than usual.

Remedial gym training in the morning. Bench presses at the unguided bench. Aaron damn funny, he was damn worried that I would drop the weight on myself or something. Which is good, just in case something did go wrong, but luckily nothing did. It was only 20kg per side anyway.



There are times when I just want to tell the parents what is going on, what I am planning to do, and what I did after Os. Perhaps in time, things will heal. Its not like they can stop me, anyway. Am I proud of what I did? In some ways, yes, in some ways, no.

Perhaps I see no point, and nothing to be gained by doing so. If there is no merit, resources put into the process will be wasted.

I can be whoever I want to be, whenever I want to be. And such vagueness in a person's character scares people. People want security through a constant reflection of themselves in other people. If the mirror keeps changing and distorting, they will feel uncomfortable, because their self identity will be questioned, and it will bruise their ego and pride.

Mom's imitation of me was thoroughly amusing, though. "Everything's fine, everything's fine. Drop dead on the floor also everything's fine."


Sigh.

Need to run.