This day hath been wasted on Dota.

Its been how many years and the stupid thing is still so fun. If only icefrog would stop coming up with updates with new characters and stuff so I wouldn't keep coming back for more.

Gym today with dog and hamster then went to meet Hong.

It really bewilders me how some people with such high iq can have such low eq. Its fantastically illogical yet somehow, I suppose, proportionate.

Its funny how things have changed. Couple of years ago I would follow this senior around for extra trainings comprised of swimming/gym/running. His standard seemed to be untouchable. But now, the tables have turned... especially since the bugger decided to nua away in uni like a chao nerd. I know that not only in physical/fitness aspects, but in other ways am I able to stand my own ground next to him.

I am grateful for him pointing me in the right direction more than once in the past when I couldn't find the way. But now I am able to chart my own way points.


Kinda scary when I think about my other mentors. After the first one's advice that "as long as you follow someone, you will always be behind him." I have made it a point to go beyond the level of each of my mentors. For one of them, I seem to have also destroyed his path where it clashed with mine. Another one was... put in a very difficult spot, to say the least. Its quite scary when we're dealing with stuff besides technique/skill/fitness. Instead, team management, pr skills, influence and... indirect coercion.

I think I'm quite an asshole. But not to all la. Not all were challenged in such a manner.

I guess you could look at it as me just challenging them as they did me. I always do allow for solutions for my challenges, so its not my fault.


Ahh but Hong is different, as easy as it would be to, I'd never want to put him into such a spot because I see him more as a friend. Friends I will not touch... for the moment at least.

Kidding.

So anyway we watched Saw 3.

And boy was that a mistake. Very sick impression that left. Should have listened to him and watched Casino Royale instead.

Listening to him today made me wonder if the cynic will ever find true love? Being a cynic and being a lover are two opposite ends of the rod. Which makes me worry for myself. And I mean a real lover, not just a sex buddy godamnit.



Hamster asked about uni today. I'm still not sure. It seems as though right now he lives his life like transport tycoon or in his case.... gta... where money or the treasury is some high score which you can base success on. Actually he would say that its a means to an end.

But I can't find gratification in that alone. I always needed more than the cash, the grades, the paper, the qualification to feel satisfied. But I'm not sure what exactly will please me. I tell people that I will feel happy when someone hears my music and can really feel what I'm trying to say. But nowadays even the fan mail is losing its meaning to me. What the heck do I want?

So the game plan for next year's path has more or less been set.

I need to have the confidence that I can do what I want to do better than someone who has the paper who says that he can do it. Its been proven time and time again.

But there's still a variable that I haven't included in the equation yet. I still can't put my finger on what the heck it is.

And it will be sad to not be able to follow friends into uni again. Why is the path of a genius such a lonely one? Haha.

Its because if everyone was on that path, geniuses would be common, then there would be no point in having geniuses, would there?


Yeah la, stupid ego of mine.