Mom's been complaining about me having violent urges and tendencies again and worrying about me getting into fights and practicing muay thai.

Sometimes I really wonder why she worries so much. Its not like I've been having outbreaks of anger around the house. I can't even remember when the last time I lost control was. Probably years. And she has no clue about the recent encounters.

She says its better to keep away, than to practice and have to control. But the problem is there was never really a way to keep away and forget everything. Its like riding a bike. When you need to ride it, you will just know how to ride it. But at least now in Muay thai I've learned how to execute non-lethal blows, and not have to worry about collapsing something or shutting down a godamned organ if I hit too hard.

Why learn in the first place? Maybe several reasons.

I know I was extremely competitive. If I lost a computer game to a friend, even a close friend, I could get so mad, ridiculously mad.

I remember the time they were pushing me around. Him punching me, kicking me. The look on their faces, cocky, arrogant. I knew that one day, I would reach a point that no one would be able to do that to me. No one.

But the one thing that drove me beyond the point of no return, probably, was my innate color. Red is probably the rarest of energy forces, because its so hard to find someone else with it. There were a few times when I thought I spotted it in other people, but it was just the compensative juxtaposed persona.


Whatever.

The procedure is next wednesday.

I always faced the possibility of the ultimate finality with a fearless fighting spirit. But now, when its a game of chance, I'm not so certain anymore.

There is always a chance of failure.

But after this, I will finally be fixed. And can resume that training to go to the next level at last.




Gymed with moose and monkey, then went town and met up with dog.

Monkey was damn funny, he had to go home to settle some home problem and wanted us to go home too so as to make sure we wouldn't have fun without him. Hahah.

Ended up going to liquid kitchen with dog and moose.

Too bad DL had medical checkup, and Hamster was busy hoarding more loot. Hamster's been insanely busy recently, you'd think there's going to be very long winter coming soon.



Could be the last time I see all of them.

But as usual, every thing's blocked out and I can't feel shit.


If I were to die soon, all this money would be for shit. Its the company that gives life meaning sometimes.