Came across a very interesting case study today.

The subject bore such close similarities to myself in the past, that it felt weird analyzing him. Traits which can only come about in extreme circumstances, or often, in life-and-death situations.

Perhaps the fear of death can be the more extreme fear that one can feel. But what would make a person charge into it, or want to overcome it? Only the stubbornest individual who would let his over-competitive nature drive him.

Yet the only way to deal with a fear that you cannot overcome is to block it out. Some say that shielding yourself from something is a way of overcoming it; but it is the opposite. To conquer a fear is to acknowledge it fully, whereas blocking it out nullifies this important factor.

Up to this day, so many other emotions were cut off along with fear. When you are empty, you can fill yourself with whatever you desire, whatever you choose. You can become whatever you want. I soon found out that I could play the ultimate poker face, I could show whatever emotion I desired. I could change my moods at will in any situation.

But somewhere along the line in the past, I realized that I was going too far. Now I do not let my over-competitive nature get the better of me. This is where the case study and I separate in terms of development.

But his is a sad case. We both never had any friends. Because to us, everyone was someone we needed to win against. Even if that person thought that he was a friend, and we would let him think so, we would be ultimately still make sure that we were always one step ahead.

Perhaps this was why I found it hardest to fight J when we both started out in tkd together, and ultimately, why I made him quit.

But as for this case study, he never realized how deep he was falling away from everyone, and ultimately, away from himself. In the end, having no real allegiance and being driven further and further by his own ambitions, his life ended without him knowing what it was to have a true friend.

There are many times when I find myself returning to that path. But I know that I am only looking down along the pit that I am climbing up from. Awareness is the first step to controlling yourself. He who is unaware, is in the most danger because he has no choice. But as long as you are aware, you have the power to choose what kind of person you want to become.




As long as you have the power to choose, you can become whoever you want.