Parents still worrying as usual even while overseas:
"Bye dear take care and please please please give up mauy tai. Take care of your health. *Sometime damage done can not be repair and have to suffer for the rest of your life."

Oh the irony.


Yesterday:

Really didn't feel like working on anything, so it was dota, anime, and slack haha.

Brought Winston to adam rd food court for tea. That bastard made me eat so much junk food la! Realized that its possible to laugh so much and hard until you almost suffocate.


Gym with Ced and Mus. Then ate + tok cok. And spotted a sick but still fashionable DL at prata house. Went to watch death note 2 at cine at like.. 12 plus, then the stayed over + talked until about 5am. Latest I've slept in a long time... besides the zoukout night.

Sleeping late is bad for the area around the eyes. Look damn jialat today. Like those people who always sleep late, cross between a drug-addict look and necromancer. Lucky got specs to cover up abit.

Brought them to eat at the absolute best prata stall in singapore at the market at noon... when we eventually woke up. Then slept again until time to gym. Then brought them to my fav jap place in amk where the katsudon is damn good yet is cheaper than a plate of chicken rice. Ate Sukiyaki. IT WAS DAMN GOOD OMGWTF.

Had a long talk with Ced at his house just now. Interesting observations he has of our group. Made me remember alot of stuff.

Chua understood us the best. He knew that the desire to improve and succeed will only come about if you place them in an environment with competition. Threaten and challenge them emotionally and psychologically. Then, that's where the strong ones will emerge amongst those who have always had it too easy.

Every class was a race to solve the series of problems and questions. Tuition took on a whole new meaning for me. When I was slammed again and again at first. But once I got sick and frustrated, I slowly climbed up the ladder of tables which were organized in categories according to the speed in which we solved his papers. From the one end of the row of tables where the slowest students struggled, I climbed to the end where the ri gp, marist gp and ch gp students dominated the class, and even beat them.

Looking back, I was the only one that managed to experience what it was like at both ends. The gp students were always at their super fast end of class.

Thats when I realized that the struggle to improve is fun; it can keep you going. But once you're at the top, you can lose your drive.

Same thing goes for alot of things in life. In whatever goals we have. Fitness, physique, money, power, status, even girls. You may feel a little good to brag at what you have achieved, but its a shallow kind of gratification. And once you reach your goal, you will ask yourself: "what's next?" And if you don't have an anwer, you might as well lose your reason to live if the drive that you lost was such a strong important factor in your life.

You work so hard to get alot of something, but when you finally get it and lose the initial excitement, you wonder what you can do with it. Then you wonder why the hell you worked so hard for it for.

Man is a stubborn, immature creature. He won't believe that something is futile until he actually tries it for himself. Many times I kick myself in the ass when I realize that this stubbornness is preventing me from making the wiser decision.

Even now, I'm not sure if my passion for music will ever wane. But its not very likely.

It takes time and practice, but you can tell whether a pianist is playing a song by memory with logical timing, slowing down and variation; and whether he can really feel the song. Every emotion that the pianist portrays is a flashback to his own past. His own pain, sadness, anger, happiness or frustration.

Its a reflection of life itself. Something that is ever changing, something that will never be stale, never be boring. Especially when I have blocked any emotion that would make me vulnerable. Music makes me remember what its like to feel them again, because the context of feeling them is not personal, therefore it will not make me vulnerable.

Its sick, but I feel happiness through feeling sad at times.



You can only enjoy pride for so long. I've had enough. Though its fun to enjoy the struggle again every now and then, I need to look at the big picture.