Been asked to rejoin the Nteam... again.

Its weird how reactions can differ over the years. Toward the end of poly when the first invitation came, it was exciting yet scary at the same time. Back then they didn't ask just anyone. And although it was a shitty feeling to leave the school team, I took the chance to finally see if I could at long last out do my seniors who were in the nteam at that time.

Now, with my plans to stay longer in saf sa, I can no longer bear that shitty feeling again. Just when I'm finally getting attached to the guys. It may sound stupid, being in that team for 1.5 years, and even leading them thus far, and now only getting attached to them. I guess I'm not one to commit easily emotionally. The hurt of the past makes us more cautious and causes us to seal ourselves away.

But now, given the taste of beaten the nteam in the semis last race, and if not for unfavorable lanes in the finals, we would have beaten them.

The exco is finally falling into place. Everyone is doing their part, even if we had to take some time to find the right part for some of us.

Experience wise, I see us doing the best among the local teams. It may be arrogant to say this but this is my journal so yeah ha! 2 years of experience of planning training for db teams is an ever changing thing. The other teams are either led by old farts using deteriorated and ineffective practices, or inexperienced youths who are only just scratching the surface. The old program wasn't so great and we did well. The new program kicks ass and I can only imagine what the team will accomplish now.

Its funny how I used to be part of an underdog team whereas now I have had the chance to change everything.

There's only one threat to us. Nazi man's team. But I've never admitted defeat to anyone even if they almost killed me.

Speaking of which. It may be time for me to end this cycle of fighting again. Fights are getting more intense with Si as is the only natural progressive thing to do. Going back into the forbidden strings. Its time to stop before things go wrong. Its okay for fools to play punch, but once you have a sword everything's different.

Live fighting, die fighting. It may sound garang, but its stupid. What goes around comes around in everything we do. A never ending cycle. You can choose to take what comes your way and do the same, or you can break or change the cycle.

I've had lot of injuries. And I have done my fair share of damage.

Its funny how some people go about acting like they're tough. Its only natural to think that they're big, based on their conception of the world around them. You can see it in their eyes when bump into these kind of people or just stare at them for too long.

"You think you can mess with me?" They say.

That is, until I offer them a complete and utter paradigm shift. I've learned not to underestimate my opponent but there are times when I must stand up for myself. There were times when I would look for fights. But those times were just for the rush. Nowadays I no longer even feel like punching inanimate objects.

Sometimes I wonder what this power is for. In the movies they say that its to protect those you love. I on the other hand, have only had chances to protect myself.

But every time I let these people take a rest on the floor for awhile I remember the fear and pain of unsheathing this sword on my friends in the past.

Perhaps maybe now I am at peace again. Its time to go back to a more peaceful sport. Where I can still fight but hurt no one.

In the calm or angry waters, alone in my k1.