Damn bloody pissed.


Training so hard and my standard in the water is utter crap.

I couldn't even pull away from the nyjc boats just now? wtf.

And all the time spent training in the mornings when the water is always so bloody calm is useless on the weekends when sensei is around because the water is so damned choppy and bouncy and I cant feel or catch the damned water and he keeps suanning me.

Getting damned pissed off when I'm doing all that I can yet my speed in the water still isn't fast enough! I hate work! Sucking up all my bloody time, leaving me with only the calm watered mornings or evenings to train. And I cant even row in the evening cuz once the sun goes down and you cap no one will bloody know!

I'm screwed. The race is in two weeks.

Maybe it isn't possible for someone to catch up with 4 months in the k1. Maybe I'm not doing enough? Maybe I'm not resting enough? Maybe I suck.

Sensei said he was dissapointed in me today.

Can't say I feel indifferently.