Tonight's run: 11:44mins

Not too good, not too bad.

Getting into the habit of doing some light stretching before training nowadays... as all sorts of sprains have been occurring in the legs last week.

Muscle underneath the shin bone still pain, so couldn't cycle step, had to use the old technique for running instead.

Last 400m, pain came back. Ignored it and deployed mind over body self-psyche nonsense until almost threw up at last 100m, then at the end it hurt like hell.

Sigh. I really should fix this soon.


One-eyed fatty made me miss practice today... but it was worth it for the shopping and movie. Even if it was kiddy. Haiz... what to do... go out with kid, watch kiddy show bah. Hahaha


Alot of shows I come across nowadays have a common message:

"You don't have to be pursue or be stuck in the status quo."
"You have a choice to live your life outside of society's conventions."

Its a pretty deep message for a kiddy show, but even the feature film that I'm currently working on has this message.

The presentation may be simpler, but movies like the matrix have similar messages, and even star wars tickles the viewer with the thought that there may be more mysterious and interesting things out there.

I suppose its an easy message to relate to.

If you were the smart guy in school, chances are you were out casted by direct peers because you couldn't fit in.

If you fit in well, chances are you had so much fun that you couldn't develop proper study habits and ended up out casted by the grading system.

If you had the both of both worlds, chances are you hope that everyone will keep believing in that image of yourself and you hope that no one will find out your hidden insecurity.

But in all of these cases, its so easy to concede and run back to your forte. The smart guy will go back to studying and do even better. The slacker will go out and have more fun, the have-it-all will go on pretending.

Few dare to challenge themselves to break out of their circle of power - until its much later in life, late teens, perhaps. By then, its often late, but not too late.

Early on, I discovered that I could be whoever I wanted to be. I could break out into whatever weakness I saw.

My musically talented family, and me being the ostracized nonsensical grade one piano banger. Condemned by snobbish and immature grade eight sister at the time, and disapproving mother. I hated playing the piano, because they would insult me.

So I practiced when no one was home, and at school. And I made it to be the first self-taught and grade one president of the school piano ensemble, composing arranging and performing for school musicals.

I never had a knack for studies. Because I preferred computer games and had very poor study habits from young.

So I rose up through class and beat the GP students.

I was bullied for my small size when young.

So I learned how to defend myself. Perhaps this point went a bit overboard la.

I was mischievous and ill-disciplined when young, always on the wrong side of the school "law".

So I learned how to work the system to my advantage, and work people to my advantage, and headed the prefectorial board student council.

I hated the monotony of the standard education route, and hated the stupidity of everyone who followed along blindly because of convention or friends.

So I hatched an elaborate plan to begin a journey of self-discovery.

I was a small shit in school. And was the weakest in the team.

So I joined the dragonboat team. And yearned to be the pillar of support for the team.

The list could go on and on.

But breaking out of convention, becomes a convention for me.

And ultimately, I am stuck in square one, boxed in by myself. A hypocrite to my own cause.

Is my path one that is true to myself? Or one that I chose just because I detested being plain or normal?




Its stupid to get direction from around you or society.

But I fear waking up one day, unable to give myself direction.

Then, I will not know what to do.




But life is an ever-changing challenge, is it not?

I'll never forget his quote:
"A man is great because of his dream"

Dreams dare us to achieve something that we don't have.

I take pride in being the most daring person I know in this aspect.

But dares always lead to bigger, more risky dares. I will have to stop one day.

And when that day comes, I don't know if I will be able to learn how to be content.

Perhaps that the simplest, yet most challenging dare for me.