Just so tired, fed up, and dissapointed with some things.

Tired of trying to save team sdba. When people cannot commit.

But the conundrum lies therein the fact that, if you leave the team, just because some arse leaves. Then you will be a hyprocrite and no better than him.

Then at the most, team sdba will spend their time and train like hell, just to still lose to team scf.

Its a result that I have calculated time and time again, and no matter how much I wish, or hope that I had miscalculated, or lacked the foresight to consider any secondary factors, the result is still the same.

Maybe the bottom line of all this is that we had 24 names taken down today, but 5 of those names might as well not be there, and another 4 may drop out. Consider this with the fact that we cut the crew down from 26 to 10 for last sea games and STILL got trashed by the overseas teams. Now you want to send 20 rowers, whose attendance is going to be helter-skelter, and some don't even take the team seriously, to go and fight the overseas teams again?

I've seen how the spirits of so many of those who went and came back were crushed. When they really gave their all, but came back just to be boo'd by friends, other teams and the media.

Bullshit. If they think its so easy to make time from work and studies and commit to the national team, to sacrifice time away from friends, girlfriend, family, money. Then they can bloody hell come and try to do better. Some people only know how to critisize when they themselves can achieve no better. If you think you can do it, come and try.

Tomorrow is it. If the attendance for the time trial is screwed up again, Its time to finally speak out. If someone has to be the antagonist to give everyone a reality check, so be it.

Perhaps I should really just concentrate on SAFSA for now.

Maybe I'm just too tired and he's out again.

I know I'm not usually this pessimistic. I remember this feeling. Its not who I want to be. Not sure whats causing it at this point of time, but I'm glad that I can record it down so I can study it after it passes.

Maybe it was what Justin said. It was just a playful provocation but at that point of time, he was this close to...

Ahh nevermind.

No more feeding it for today, it ends now.