Wordification

Monday, January 01, 2007

Tonite's long run: 30:55 mins
Route: Home, central, rjc, spc, prata house, turn, spc, rjc, basketball court, home.

I missed it. Those serene nights as the cool night breeze welcomed me into the tranquility of the night. Time to think. Time to ponder.

I felt the effects of the long break from running. Everything inside felt rusty. But at the end of it, the thing that caused me so much pain in the past was no more. I felt reborn.

And I realized how stupid I was to be affected by my surroundings once again. I let my guard down in this team. Too easily swayed, too weak against convention once again.

Been slacking off from training for too long. Perhaps I believed the wrong things. Right before bmt, Gab and Col told me the reason or excuse that they so strongly believed in. Even nowadays I hear it in the seniors and current batch.

But I had forgotten that I had once prided myself in being able to manage more things than those around me.

Time management. Work. Money. Duty. Survival. Passion. Life.

When I first entered the team, I saw a bunch of guys who led such a carefree life. Just training then enjoying life. Whereas I had to balance training with work from my 3 appointments in camp, and music.

Every time after training I would rush home or grab a quick bite first, while they would go out and play. Sleeping late due to work, waking up at 5 for camp. While planning my positioning in camp to ensure my original goal and future for the team would come to fruition, along with meeting deadlines for my freelancing and building a portfolio for my future. They probably thought that I was anti-social because of that.

I suppose, seeing them so relaxed and carefree made me want to live that life too.

In school I had to worry about the student council and prefectorial board along with the school magazine while training with the spex team. When the rest were just worrying about grades and where to hang out later or where to have fun later.

Later I had presidented one club, captained a team, and represented another club while I organizing camps and planning training. When the rest of my cohort worried about how to conceptualize projects or how to present the next project.

Balance work with training? School with training? I heard all the excuses. But I had made it a point to take every weakness I saw in someone else and make it my strength.

I had lowered myself to the norm standard. But not anymore. People can use the excuse because they have never challenged themselves further, so they can get away with it. But I can not.

Living that carefree life for awhile makes you complacent. But in every team or community I had entered, I saw and expected more of myself.

Perhaps this is the driving force that I had lost so long ago.

I wasn't always such an over-achiever. But someone taught me that if I fought, I would make my way up. And if I followed my own path, the possibilities are limitless; instead of limited to what other people can do or have done.

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