Well, I guess I'm quite pissed...... quite sad...

I knew that there was something wrong with the direction for the 500m set.... how could the sidewinds have been pulling me to the left?

Later when Samantha said the rudder was loose I knew I had missed the estimation in my directioning. If only I had looked up more, surely I would have noticed something was wrong... Instead I was so bent on kicking harder on right, pulling harder on right. I didn't listen to cougar again... didn't listen to the waters...

At the 250 mark I know I was leading the NTU and the NJC boat... swerved out 3 times and made macdonalds proud with 3 frigging curves... pulling harder on right.... last 100 metres... breathing and heartrate in red zones.... the 2 boats pulling away slowly..... tried in vain to activate kuzuraisen...

I heard the team scream my name from the hill... right before I passed the bouy I looked far ahead to see if I could spot them......

Everything dimming... getting darker then the next thing I knew... I was in the water. Then I knew I had froze up and capsized... quickly looked around and back and thank god made it through the bouys, he cold water shocked me back to my sucky reality.

I had never felt so glad to have a lifevest on in my life.... almost blacked out again but clung on to cougar for dear life as the NTU and NJC boat helped me back in.


250m was just play stupid on my part. Real stupid to try something I had just thought off. If only I had stuck to the original race plan.



I wanted so much to prove them wrong. I wanted to prove sensei wrong. I didn't want to be "the new guy who's coming up". I wanted to be the miraculous newbie who trained only 3 months in the k1 and beat those buggers.

Back on land I knew those looks... so afraid to do something or say something to make me hurt...

But I'm so good at putting up that face. Crying or feeling sorry for yourself is for the weak. But inside, sucks.


Maybe that's why I like to play the piano sometimes.

Is it possible to cry without tears, without making a sound?

Maybe sometimes, when people hear, they know.

Then they just think "Oh, he's good at expression."






Heh, bluffed them again. Aren't I great?