Maybe the reality of it hasn't set in yet.

I still look around under the furniture for her to pick her up, swirl around, and place on high objects.

But she won't be there anymore.

I wish I could shed a tear for her, she deserved that much at least. But no matter how hard I try, I can't. Maybe I'm too spoiled inside. Maybe I'm too good at cutting anything off before it gets the better of me. Everything always under control.

She was a good companion, and we looked at her as another family member, no matter how hard I kept calling her 'bitch'.

I can only imagine how hard it must have been for mom to see her during that time. Part of me wishes I was there to keep her warm in her last moments, part of me doesn't, due to fear that I would break down.

I always knew that that day would come, purposely joking about getting a new dog, but the truth is, I always hoped that it would never happen.

I miss you. I love you. Good bye.




I did it. At last, for you.

Seeing his face like that just now. There was such fear sadness and frustration. Made me realize how broken this team is, and made me angry that I didn't see it coming. Its saddening how they so naturally show two faces.

Makes me wonder how I can fix this.

Makes me wonder if this can be healed.

There's a peacefulness I long for.

Hopefully I shall find it in the waters tomorrow.

Someonce told me that something we do with passion is like an addiction

And sometimes that addiction can make you numb

So if you keep away from it, you'll remember why you like it so much

I find it good to cycle my creative works, like designing, music, game creation

So none of them gets too bland

Because mozart didn't compose symphony after symphony

He did one, took a break, enjoyed life, remembered what it was to live, then wrote that in his next piece

Sometimes I wonder how ppl like Hee can do it for so long. Maybe passion is like stamina and can be trained to sustain for longer periods.

Twas a hard fight today.

Multiple cock ups.

Firstly, the balance was bad. Left side too light, right side too heavy. Drummer and coxswain couldn't compensate enough. So whole set boat was either leaning right or rocking alot.

Next, the pull just wasn't there. Couldn't feel it somehow. Maybe I was too concentrated on getting the boat calls at the right time.

Then towards the end, ITE came very close to our left side, this caused some of the guys to lose focus, worry about not last charge call not being audible, which heck, I was worried about too. The ITE drummer was bloody hell drumming like his life depended on it... when I screamed for the last charge, thank god I got a response. But some of the back rowers couldn't hear. Sigh.

But all in all, we came in first for that set, so we were lucky.

Stayed to watch gemax race. Felt weird watching them instead of being there with them. I could imagine ah hee's signals just by watching his hand actions on the boat. They lost to NUS. If only they had our original full crew, I know the result would've been different. Alot of good rowers were with NTU and I was with the pirates.

Tomorrow I need to stretch out more. Feel more water.

Tired of getting next best.

The second boat past the finish line is the first boat to lose.