Well, the concert went okay.

No big errors on my part, was worried about Yimei, and eah, she ran into some difficulty but valiantly fought on and completed the piece.

I've been doing some thinking about my playing style recently. Some comments during the early rehearsals about how I was playing up to my usual standard got me a little stressed. Actually made a conscious effort to play harder or softer, crescando and crap. Nonsense. Then I realized why I couldn't play too well.

Its the bugging juniors. They hear about their almighty piano ensemble president being damn friggin good. Then when I go up to the piano to play, they all come around or quiet down. Anticipating so much. Of course a genious like me wouldn't freak out at the enormous amount of pressure, but I was only to perform up to 90%. Tzk's words rang in my head "Be the club's pillar of support." They are relying on the president to set the standard, to look up to.

It was when I went home that I realized what utter crap I was putting myself through. I listened through my previous recordings and found so much more feeling in them. Then it hit me. I'm not the ensemble's pillar of support so that I can play like some piano god, I play how I want to, therefore I happen to be the pillar of support. Just like during year one, when 90% of the ensemble went out to perform reading scores, but I told myself I was the genious self-taught year 1 who didn't need any scores and didn't make any mistakes. That, was the pressure that I gave myself.

So Weiheng called out my name for the Naruto medley. I bowed. Saw the full room, wasn't bothered, and went up to the piano. No battle mantra needed even, no deep breath, just the keys. And I felt the melody, at last, after all the rehearsals. How AKFG portrayed the saddest emotions in the melody. I died, I cried, I fought on, and the piece portrayed the emotions perfectly.

Then when it was time for Musashi's theme. I sensed their expectation again. Could I outperform my earlier piece? It was a different feeling from the first, David's harmonies of fight, valor and courage went through my head and fingers. And I hit that damned ending chord right, Hell yeah!


Then Miss Teo trouble after the concert. Reuben, you're taking too many leaves, blah blah blah, too many outside commitments, blah blah. Did I give you permission to go for the concert?

Then she tried to talk about "compromises" yet again. Bullshit. I'll tell you what this final year studio project is - its bullshit time management. You want us to sit in that room from 9 to 6 everyday? Then expect us to put in extra time too? Just so that the stupid school and look good for their stupid client's project. This schedule is for what? I'll tell you what. People with no lives. Yes. They will come to school, do their project like zombies, then leave for home, eat porridge, and go to sleep. Well SCREW THAT. Do they actually think of everyone as such losers?

Whatever. In comparison to JC, School, studies, homework, revision. Its still less packed. But more retarded. Then there's this crap about her giving the students a hard time and joking about it. Like wtf? You're in this game industry for what?! So that you can pressure students? So that your ego can be boosted when you talk about how great your past was? No. The previous company you worked for didn't even do fantastic games. The gameplay and stressed polishes could be there. But there's no passion. None at all. And she's attempting to pass this on to the students.

Well, most of the staff and supervisors don't know shit about games development in the first place. They may know about the industry, and what they have to do to make a good game. But guess what? Your retarded logic and patterns and attitude won't get you anywhere. It's creativity, passion, and love that will make it big. Why? Because then your production team will be inspired, will come up with fantastic ideas, have an awesome drive, then it will be passed to the ecstatic player.

I hear Vincent or whoever talking about wooo... how good this person is... how great his 3d modelling is, working at ivlab or not. Its crap. Your skills are just that. Did I feel anything when I was working with that person? No. That's why he's still nothing.

She wants to compromise all she wants. Go ahead. Is it worth it? This is just work to her anyway.

Only work.

Which might as well be sweeping the floor.