Level up.

When I compose, sometimes I hear the music in my head before I record it on the computer. At first it was just melodies, then melodies and counter melodies. Lately its been very rougly; melodies, counter melodies, harmonies with basic percussive crescendos.

Today I heard in such detail, the shine of the picollo section for the high notes, until the boom of the bass trombone, and everything inbetween; french horn, strings, trombone, flute, trumpet, timpani, tom tom, cymbals, tubular bells, strings, choir, cello, bass and organ. Frickin scary. To come up with something in such detail... it was rushing in so fast until my heart was racing. I love my job.





I had a flashback today for some reason. Of the first time I couldn't control it. It was during the period when I first discovered my aura.

There was blood on the target. And when I looked at my hands, all the knuckles were torn up. Red everywhere, and blood was dripping from my fists. And it didn't hurt, probably because everything was numb by then. Instead I felt an extreme high.

I look back and think of how silly I was to let myself give into desperation, fear and anger. But I have to admit that that was when I was my strongest. Years after I have locked so many things away out of fear, I wonder if I can really still compete on the same level as Si if he's been improving constantly all this while.

Oh well, I was one to try like hell to catch up anyway.