It was nostalgic walking through the fountains and atrium, going up the escalator. Really brought back memories of looking forward to going to school everyday... unless I was playing ultima online.

The school team is doing ok. Good to see some familiar faces. Weights in that small room is the same as ever. Stuffy and hot despite the aircon lol.

Knowing Den, He'd be affected the most by her passing away, unlike me. Though that's why I picked him in the first place. I saw someone who would be able to lead my team with his heart, and not any of the wrong motives.

If I could, I would heal him. Though sometimes I worry that I am preventing him from learning to recover on his own by lending him my helping hand time and time again.

But he healed me in the past, when my life was but a mere cynical facade to advance to world domination, he showed me that there was greater meaning if you believe in other people, regardless of whether they disappoint you or not. I don't know another person who has a stronger idea on what the word "team" means.

And if his heart showed me the way more than once, then my brain will help him out more than once too.

Things hurt more when you open your heart so much to the people around you. But sometimes pain is good.

He could never understand the importance of psychological and indirect cognitive manipulation, I once thought that he was too innocent, but its just that its against his personality.

That's the difference between us, I guess.

The white, looking upon dark, the dark looking upon the white.

But without setting the lines clear, the white will be stained, and without looking at the white, the dark will never know just how dark he is.

I'm finally getting that feeling again.

Everything is falling into place again. Its like the mess that NS created is finally cleaned up, and everything is back on track and going according to plan.

Everyday I wake up looking forward to the day, looking forward to what I want to do, whether work or training.

Every night I hate to put down what I'm doing, because I love it so much.

This is the direction I worked so hard to find, and I finally got it back.

There were days when the team was all that I could think about.

I remember Jon's eyes when he asked me what he should do. He had grown tired of it, yet he loved it so much. He was crying.

How do you describe a feeling that you want to do something so much because you love it, yet you have grown so tired of it?

If I could express myself normally I would probably cry too.

Some of the guys think that like all the other ord'rs I would have quit long ago close to ORDing.

But I guess that's the difference between the guys and me. They came for the attachment, I just love the sport. I never joined the team for freedom in army, I had contingency after contingency for that. It was but a step for the big picture, but now it will lead to other things, instead of the original plan.

Now I just need to ensure that I've taught the junior exco well so that they can lead to the best of their own ability. And despite the obvious conflicts with one party, dog and weizhen can get along now.

Its been long. And I am relieved that this task is coming to an end. Giving dog more freedom to spread his wings out more often while taking training means that I have more free time to do everything else that I want to do.

Unlike sports, music is one thing that isn't the same as time goes by, and I will never get tired of it. Plus its the only means for me to truly feel.

Project2 is coming along well. Zwei can walk around and crouch, his cape animates so smoothly. He will be the benchmark for 2d fighting game characters for years to come.

So the parents were like excited to watch me on tv...

I don't know why that pisses me off...

I guess some kids like to make their parents proud.

I was always the opposite. Because often making them proud meant doing what they wanted me to do and not what I wanted to do.

Weird how things carry forward.

I couldn't watch it. lol.... but when the flood of calls and sms came in I knew the group intros were done.